I Have a Monster in My Attic

A poem of attempts to describe struggles with some compartmentalized borderline personality issues stemming from ptsd.. hope my meaning does not get lost in translation

Along that long corridor of closed and dusty doors

where even I am scared to explore,

can only skim my eyes cross its floor

glimpse the threshold that is His door

my lungs become sore

from lack of air

but I cannot release my stare

because I know He is in there-

sometimes sleeping

sometimes screaming

in the night we all sit pleading

make Him stop

please stop this demon

or our ears will soon be bleeding

the locks, should He ever try freeing

with a vengeance He will be speeding

on my soul He would be feeding

this thought alone and I'm retreating

I can't bring this monster stampeding

over my friends and family

maybe I should just leave it be

for now it seems to sleep so quietly

and in reality He bothers only me..

Author's Note

not 100% on the beginning or the ending.. i have written only to rewrite this at least 20 times.. critiques/reviews would be helpful so i can decide whether to close the book on this one or keep tweaking this

Reviews

[Relic]

There are parts that seem wrong to me. They either put the horse before the cart (you might say) or they don't flow as well as other parts.

I'll try to explain more if you want but otherwise, its a good poem. If people like it the way it is, leave it.

[A.marie.speaks]

I have struggled with this piece/idea for literally years.. I have written it 20x over. Your critiques are definitely welcomed and I do understand what you mean.. I would love to hear more of your thoughts. I have segments that were originally 2 different pieces and then I had the mad idea to combine them.. not sure if it was a good idea, but I did get some good responses

[Relic]

I can only give you an idea of what I have so far. I would like to see you do something with it and find an ending. But keep in mind, its your poem, I don't want to intrude on your idea.

[Relic]

Along the attic's corridor, I'm ten feet from His dusty door.
glimpsing the threshold across the floor
my lungs are sore, I'm scared to explore.

A demon's vengence lurks in there-
but do I dare invade his lair?

Sometimes he's screaming,
on my soul He's feeding,
my family is pleading,
--this demon's suceeding!


But in reality, I'm fast asleep
Do I leave him be, this demon creep
................................
..................................

[Relic]

Keep in mind this is just an idea. Specifics, rhythm and cutting out the fat are what's important. Good luck.

[A.marie.speaks]

Thank you! You are truely talented to work that and you have definitely got me thinking! I will be back to the drawing board with you ideas in mind! Thank you again!

[Relic]

I'm glad I could give you a spark. haha You're welcome.

[Esen]

This is amazing. The rhymes are spot on, i visualized everything and the crisp images i was able to see were very real and poetic. personal request: Don't change a thing.

[Esen]

This is amazing. The rhymes are spot on, i visualized everything and the crisp images i was able to see were very real and poetic. personal request: Don't change a thing.

[A.marie.speaks]

Thank you very much! I am planning to keep it the way it is since I have gotten such wonderful feedback on it.

[Sean M. Addams]

maybe more imagery but you have a great concept and great rhyme .. i definteley would keep it...

[A.marie.speaks]

Thanks for the critiques! I have been struggling with this one for years lol but Im not very good at imagery lol but I tried with this one. I'm more of a metaphor kind of girl lol

[William Gardner]

It's got great flow. The reveal is potent, it's your own monsters in the attic no? Love the first line. Maybe as you are searching for him or backing away from him he could come for you? Maybe you exorcise him? Maybe he hurts you, or maybe you do the reveal by letting him out and causing destruction on the world-
Sorry, I don't think that helped!

[A.marie.speaks]

thank you for reading and commenting! it helps me just by writing and sharing, but yes the monster is all of the above. he is me. the monsters always turn out to be the pieces of ourselves hiding in the dark that we wish to forget. I initially wrote this as a therapeutic way to cope with issues I had long buried but afterwards I realized it has a universal resonance because I think everyone has a monster or two hiding in their attic.. and no, I have yet to release it! this is as close as I've gotten.. hibernation is too peaceful!

[William Gardner]

I hear that- Madness is our fuel, our tormenter and our terrible. Truly, it sucks!

[A.marie.speaks]

It does, but without the madness my mind would be bland.. I would not be, well, me. Haha.. that is what I tell my selves at least :)