Rewrite of Chapter one

This is the chapter where Cassidy first meets David. She has no idea who he is to her. It also introduces her best friend who will play a big role for a short time. Also gives a little background.

            There is a certain type of joy of stepping into the reality created by another. A feeling of peace and with-drawl from the world around you settle you into a chance to live the happily ever after, the exciting thrill of the chase, and the horror of things unimaginable. When the last chapter is read and you return to your surroundings you are encompassed with a feeling of awe, awe for the person that let you forget that there are bills needing to paid, classes needed to take, and the drama that comes from life.

            For those that do not have the discipline or the creativity to create these fantastic worlds, like Cassidy Beauchamp, they fulfill their lives with other dreams. It was her dream to bring those stories and lives to others; a place where they can find a comfortable place to curl up in a plump chair and escape to faraway places; a place that time stops and imagination runs free. She dreams of opening a bookstore. An intimate place that caters to the young just learning and to the old who imagine their lives different then they ones they have already lived.

             If she could snap her fingers she would already be the proprietor of that small intimate bookstore, located on the corner of Main Street in some small town. Instead she was working at a large chain bookstore for minimum wage while attending the local University in Boston, Massachusetts. The discount she received at Book R’Us helped keep up her supple in books, and her scholarship money helped pay her rent.

            She chose Boston University because of the amount of the scholarship and that it was the farthest school she could attend away from Tennessee. Her parents were pressuring to get married and have babies, and do the whole domesticated thing. While she was not against marriage, she preferred to choose her own husband.

            She also loved the charm of Boston; it offered the big city with a small town feel. She was walking distance from the grocery store and in the other direction was her school. She had even found a quaint little bakery just a couple buildings down from her apartment. She made it a habit to stop in there at least 3 or 4 mornings a week to get her cappuccino and Blueberry Cheesecake muffin. She was only slightly addicted.

            Even though the holidays were over Mr. Couch, the owner of Sweet Tooth Anonymous still had the doorbell to the store playing Jingle Bells and paper snowflakes and Christmas trees were still dangling by yarn from the ceiling. He tried to hold on the Christmas spirit as long as possible. It made her smile as she walked in for her morning routine.

            The bakery was slow this morning due to the cold and classes were not back in session for another couple of days. While school was in session it was hard to get a table in the mornings.

            “Just because I am old, does not mean I am blind!!” Mr. Couch was currently yelling at Jessica, his granddaughter, who worked part time for him

            “No, it means you need to wear your glasses when dealing with the register.” Jessica seemed to struggling to stay patient with her grandfather. “You charged a customer 7 dollars for an orange muffin, they are only 2 dollars.”

            They both turned when they saw me approach the counter. They both looked ashamed to have been arguing in from of a customer.

            “Good morning Cassidy, what can I get you?” She turned away from her grandfather while he stood there patting his pockets; most likely looking for his glasses.

            “I’ll have my usual, and add an orange muffin to that.” She had a sudden craving for the controversial muffin.

            Jessica spared her a small smirk and got her order together, she only charged 2 dollars for the Orange muffin. She took her order and found a seat at a corner table by the window. She liked to watch the people walking down the sidewalk. This street was busy at all times of the day. Small businesses lined the streets, the school was just a couple of blocks down, and the Amtrak was located just another few blocks away. It was a great street to do some people watching.

            Several of those people stopped at the bakery to get their hot cup of morning coffee and a bite of breakfast, nobody else decided to take advantage of  the few tables offered in the store. One of those patrons however lingered in the front of the store after he received his order.

He was a strange sort, just standing there staring off to space. Not bad to look at. He was about 6 feet, she could not judge his actual size because of the oversized coat he was wearing, but he did fill out his jeans pretty nicely. His hair was a couple of shades darker than hers and more of a dark chestnut color, where hers was more mahogany, and it barely brushed the collar of  his coat.  He had a slim face with high cheekbones and full lips. She could not judge his eyes because of the large dark sunglasses he had on.

As she continued to judge the man he sharply turned his head towards her. She blushed and quickly looked back out the window. She was embarrassed to have been caught staring at the stranger.

“Pretty young women should not be sitting all alone.” She startled when she looked up to find the man had taken a seat at her table with her.

“I enjoy the quiet and I like being alone.” She told the man who had just invited himself to join her. Normally people ask if they can join. When he kept staring at her she made an attempt to raise an eyebrow. Both of them went up. She would have to practice that trick in the mirror more.

“I am visiting the area and have been making stops at all the small shops along this stretch of town and these muffins have to be the best I have ever had.”

“Best I have found.” He was a strange man if he thought that was a way of explained why he joined her minus an invitation.

“My name is David and would love to keep you company.” He was looking at her imploringly. She was starting to feel sorry for the guy.

“My name is Cassidy.” She introduced herself. “Do you make a habit of sitting down with strangers?”

 “Not normally.” He chuckled as if he was the sole participant in a joke. “My wife said I should branch out and meet new people. Basically she thinks I am lacking in social skills and need to practice.”

“ I wonder how she would feel if she knew you were practicing on a pretty, young, single woman?” She was finding him a bit strange. There was a time when she would have done the same thing, but living in Boston and having a friend who thought everyone was out to them tend to change certain behaviors.

“Hopefully she would applaud the effort.” He said thoughtfully. She was thinking he was realizing how this looked. Maybe he did not care. Maybe he was the type to cheat on his wife. He could be the type Cassidy’s best friend Erica was always ranting about. She was a statistic freak and recently found out that the probability of serial killers in our midst was a lot higher than the government had the general public believing.

Cassidy had no desire to be found in some guys’ freezer, no matter how cute and friendly he was.

“Well it was nice meeting you David.” She sent him a wary smile and made her exit onto the busy street.

She spent the rest of the day doing basic chores around her small apartment. She was also thinking that it would be a nice night for a girl’s night in and decided to give Lexi a call and she if she was up for tequila and karaoke. It was their favorite past time as it annoyed Cassidy’s’ cranky old neighbor. He was always complaining about something and had a cat they swore was a gymnast in another life. He somehow always made the 4 foot leap from his balcony to hers. She was all time returning the cat to its rightful owner who then accused Cassidy of stealing it!!

“‘ello my favortist friend!” Lexi answered her phone enthusiastically. “What trouble can I help you get into today?”

“Was thinking tequila, tacos, and some karaoke.”

“Old man Mathers must be home.”  Lexi knew her so well. “I can be there at 7.  I have some left over whiskey and will bring my best singing voice.”

Which was not saying much. Cassidy and Lexi shared their love of music and the making of music, neither one had much talent for it though.

“K, see ya then.”

After they hung up Cassidy jumped in the shower. She really wished she had a bathtub. Her bathroom was a small three piece bathroom that was painted in a light pink. The shower stall was also pink as was the small cabinet the tiny bathroom held. Whoever had lived here before her had loved the color pink.

When she first moved in the got the building managers permission to pain the apartment. She Had gotten to the small bedroom and the living area which consisted of a small living room and a galley kitchen with enough space for a small 2 person table. The Apartment was not grand but it was hers and she had put her mark on it by painting the small bedroom a light purple and match the bedding to the walls. Her bedroom consisted of flea market finds when she first moved to Boston.  She splurged on a canopy queen size bed, thought she had yet to actually add the canopy.

She had a decent size TV propped up on an old coffee table she had found and a couch and loveseat in her small living room.  A couple of months of she found a large area rug that looked like it came from 100 years ago at a yard sale and through it down on the floor to give the space some warmth. Add a couple of paintings and personal pictures and she had made herself a home.

She did however like the security the building offered. If you did not live in the building you had to be buzzed in. She also had access to a camera so she could see who was buzzing her apartment. Which she used to see Lexi fidgeting in the cold waiting to be let in.

“You should totally get me a keycard!!” Lexi started stripping off her many layers as soon as she sat the whisky and what looked like chocolate chip cookies down on the kitchen counter. “As your best friend I should not be kept waiting in the cold!!”

“I used up my favor from the manager when I lost my keycard last fall.” She snuck a cookie. Lexi was a firm believer in that desserts should come after the meal. “If I lose this one, I am pretty sure he won’t even replace mine!”

Cassidy had turned on some Pink to listen to as they prepared their dinner. She was the pick for the sing-a-long tonight.

“I’m pretty sure I got hit on by a married guy today.” She told Lexi while she was browning the meat for the taco.

“Was he cute?” Lexi judged guys more on looks than anything else. Being married was not always a factor when it came to flirting.

“What does it matter? He is married!” She turned the heat down to let the meat simmer. “ But yea he was decent looking.”

“Did he actually tell you he was married?” Lexi asked Cassidy.” Or did you see a ring on his finger?”

“He told me he was married, and what difference would that make?”

She was currently putting out the tortilla chips for the taco salad. Her table barely had enough room to put everything on it, but they made due.

“Well he could have just been telling you that to put you at ease. Women will talk more to a married guy than a single guy.” Cassidy was hoping Lexi would get out of this obsession with crime statistics faze soon, it was starting to get really irritating.

“He actually blamed his wife on the reason he just randomly sat down with me.” Cassidy shrugged. “ Told him he needed to build his social skills and he decided to practice on me.”

“Still odd though.” She paused to take a bite  but she was not done talking as she had her hand up telling Cassidy to wait. “Still could be a serial killer and probably already has a space in his freezer for you.”

Lexi can be so dramatic. She has this fear of meeting anyone new. It is so bad Cassidy has to get her drunk before they even go out in public to a club or anything of that nature.

“Not every man is a serial killer.” She told Lexi pointedly. “He was strange, but harmless.” She shrugged the matter off but Lexi was not quite finished on the subject.

“Are you at least carrying the pepper spray I got you for Christmas?” Only Lexi would consider that an appropriate gift for her best friend. She said she was only looking out for Cassidy’s safety. That she loved her too much for anything to happen to her. They got a little weepy over wine that night and ended up crying over every little thing, but it still felt good to know someone cared that much.

“Umm...” She was trying to remember what she did with it. “It is around here somewhere.” She felt a little ashamed she had lost it, but she really felt no need for it.

“Cassidy Marie Beauchamp!!!” Lexi was using her stern voice, which meant lecture time, hopefully this one would be short. “You really need to start being more careful. You are so pretty and I know some creepy guy is going to scoop you up and cut you in tiny pieces and then I will have to hear about on the morning news!!”

Cassidy needed a way to defuse the situation. Last time Lexi got in lecture mode they both ended up mad at each other and did not speak for a week.

“Lexi you are deranged.” Nothing like an insult to shut Lexi up. “This serial killer Philosophy of yours is why you have not gone on a date in months. You are either scared of all the men who ask you, or you scare them off with your paranoia.”

“Look who is talking!!” Lexi was now waving her fork in the air widly. “You are 24 years old and still a virgin!!”

Cassidy was used to Lexi throwing her virginity in her face. Lexi just could not understand her need to wait.

“When was the last time you even went on a date?” Lexi asked Cassidy.

“I went out with the anthropology major before Christmas break.” Cassidy really had to think about this. “ Oh and the plumber before that!”

“You went on one date each and none of those ended up with you being kissed let alone getting laid.”

Cassidy felt people her age put to much emphasis on sex. She did not want a few minutes thrill with someone who meant nothing to her.

“I want my first time to be special.” She explained. “Plus I have not yet met a man who gives me that tingle in my belly.”

Cassidy felt she would know when she met the man she would give her virginity too. She believed in that special connection. She would also expect that man to work for it. If he took the time to know her then he deserved to share her bed. Lexi would never understand that because she was too afraid to let anyone, especially a man, get to close. Not once has she brought a man to her place. She always used hotels, because she would not go to their place either. She just could not live her life in constant fear of being chopped up into bite size pieces.

“I am just saying you need to put yourself out there more.” Lexi took a deep breath and seemed to be calming down. Mission accomplished. “ Of course in a safe way that included a background check.” She quickly put in.

“Do you seriously run a background check on every guy you go on a date with?” Cassidy asked curiously.

“Of course.” Lexi looked at her like she was crazy for thinking any different. “I have my brother run them for me.”

Her brother was a captain in the police force of the town Lexi was born in. He spoiled his sister rotten and was probably the reason for his sisters paranoia. Both their parents died while Lexi was young and that left her brother, Kevin, to raise her. Cassidy could not imagine being raised by a police officer. Talk about strict upbringing.

After dinner and the cleanup they hooked up the small Karaoke system they found on Craigslist and started up the entertainment portion of their evening. They got through the bottle of tequila and half way through Pinks Truth About Love album before Mr. Mathers threatened to call the police. They considered it a job well done.

Neither one of them thought they could handle the whiskey Lexi had brought so they decided to crash. Lexi made herself at home on the couch and Cassidy made her way to her room. She had to realign herself with the bedroom door several times and finally made it with Lexi cheering her on. She collapsed in the bed and slept the sleep only the drunk could sleep.

The next morning she decided she did not drink enough as she had dreams of being chased down the streets of Boston. A knife wielding David explaining how he already made room for her in his freezer and that it would be best to just come quietly. Pepper spray in hand she ended the dream by turning to confront her attacker. Paranoid is only a state of mind and she refused to believe everyone was out to get her.

Author's Note

May still be some tense and pov errors but I think I fixed it. Commas may need to be moved. It is longer now and more dialogue between the best friends and less between her and David. He is only in the background for now.

Reviews

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

You did a good job portraying the imaginative sort of person that Cassidy is.

[Hatter57]

Amanda,

Is this a Romance novel? I'm not really into the whole romance genre, but I have read a couple that were designed as cross-genre pieces (Romance/supers or romance/Sci-fi, for example). Based on my limited experience, I think you might have a problem right off the bat with this story. The way David is introduced makes him appear to be the protagonist's love interest. I know from your response to my critique of your original version of this chapter that he's actually her long-lost half-brother. I think you're getting your reader invested in David in the wrong role, and I'm not sure how many of them are going to be willing to shift gears with you once you make the big reveal.
I assume that you're trying to short-circuit the male lead association in the reader's mind by telling us up front he's married, but unfortunately that doesn't count for much in a lot of people's minds these days (like Lexi, perhaps?). So they're sill going to be looking for him to be the love interest and they'll feel betrayed when the real relationship is revealed, especially if you put it off too long. Plus, howlong is the reader going to have to wait until the real love interest is introduced? I think I remember you indicating the scene of the action is going to shift to Texas, so it might be a while if that's where he comes intothe story. Is there a way to introduce him in Boston, just to get him on the reader's radar before they fixate on David too much? Just a thought.
Lastly, there are still some POV and tense issues to address. Maybe it would be worth printing it out and highlighting first-person pronouns and then take a look at how they're used. You generally seem to be going with a third-person narrative using Cassidy's pov. So if the use of I or my is in dialogue, that's cool. But if it'sin the descriptive text, you need to take a look at rephrasing that passage. A little practice with this sort of self-editing can help you lick those particular demons and will improve your writing. And isn't that what we're all after?

[Amanda J Hopwood]

It is a romance but it is also a family saga. I will introduce Brian the love interest a little bit later, working on that chapter now. But it is not the whole focus of the story. It is more about family. Yea my tenses still need work. lol. Gonna take lots of editing for me.

[melissa]

Great chapter i cant wait to read more keep the great work.

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Lexi is really something. She actually made me laugh twice.
All men do NOT want to chop women into bite size pieces. Really, I swear. I, myself, have only done it a couple of times, many years ago, and I found it a boring pastime, so I stopped.

[Amanda J Hopwood]

If she ends up in the background of this book, she might possibly be in a future book of her own. I am glad you kicked the habit. It gets harder to find hiding spots after so many pieces. You should always quit while you are ahead.

[Chris]

I don't yet know you well enough to critique or talk through your work with you. I read down to the first words of dialogue - the intro of David speaking with Cassidy. There are real flaws - "Book R’Us", "supple"...

There are multiple ways of writing things that ARE actually a personal choice of both reader AND author and perhaps not wrong - just a difference of opinion. But such differences decide for a reader whether or not they turn the pages and hence, eventually determine if the book WILL leave the store in a customer's bag or by being coverless and in a trash bin. I don't want to nitpick and take away your confidence. You spoke well and have a definite concept of what you want to say and how you want it said.

Take care.

[Yaseen J Malik]

Theres a good story here
I like the chemistry between david and cassidy. A little polish would take this to a whole new level.
Great start