The begining

all stories need a beginning.

Everyone has a chance to change their life. It will be tough, it will be dangerous, you will need to make choices you never thought you would have to make. You will need to find a way to deal with the new and the old. That’s what I know now. Now I know how to. This is how I found my way.

There I was standing there in a white space. If you would have just happened to this place you would probably be a little confused. Why is this girl standing in the middle of a place with nothing and no one in it? Why she is the only visible thing there. Why does this world seem to go on and on without an end? If you did I would not blame you, but of course, that will never happen. No one will ever wonder here at least I think…

My name would be Lily O. Green and I live in the NoWhere. I named it myself! Maybe I was not being completely honest when I say that there was nothing but me here because there are books here.

I don’t know why they’re here I just know that there. I taught myself how to read them. They talk about the land. Where there are other people like me. People that walk, talk and smile just like me. That sounds so different from mine. In that world, there are trees, grass, flowers....people. 

I sat down on the cold flat ground and looked over to my pile of books. They were stacked very high. That because one day when I was bored I started to stack the books up tall and would see if I could jump over them. If I could I would add another book. I thought of them as levels kind of. I'm still stuck on this one

. I reached down to look for a book. When one caught my eye. It was near the bottom of the stack. I grabbed it and all of the books came tumbling down. I’ll stack them later it gives me something to do.

The book had a hard black cover. With a person in a dark purple rope on with their hand out with fire coming out of their hand. Opened the book. I like this one the most! It’s a history book about the War Of Magic by Shumo L. Lee. The story goes as follows. A long long time. When the earth was new. Out of the fires of the heavens came one fire and out of the depths of the ocean came a drop of water. They took shape. 

The fire became the soul of a human. Burning long but will one day burn out. Then the drop of water. Which took shape slowly. Moving at the pace of a slow stream. It turned into a magic user’s soul. As mysterious as the ocean itself. 

They then formed two become to people. With skin, hair, and bones. No one knew what their names were or if they even had names. The days were short back then and they worked hard together. As it should be. They created a place where more people soon lived happily. With laughter, smiles, and cheers. The humans were never afraid of the magic user’s abilities.

 In fact, they loved it. They loved the mysterious and the beauty of the world of magic, and the magic user’s never judged the fact that humans did not have magic. They even often lent a helping hand if a human was in need the world was right, and it was peaceful.

Years later the humans and magic user’s lived in harmony. Never fighting as they thought was intended. But then the first people die. The magic-user and the human. They died at the same time which was strange since humans were supposed to have longer lives than magic users. 

This cause suspension to grow upon the world, and for the first time, the humans started to fear the magic users. The magic users all felt that dark times were upon them. That soon their world would collapse and they were right.

The magic-user were powerful warriors due to their magic, but almost all had sworn to protect the humans. Cause what are friends for. This explains why when the war started in the first battle they ran away. But by the second battle, they were prepared to have the ones who were afraid to hide but almost all of them fought. 

The second battle was lost for the humans. In which they twisted to make the magic users seem terrible since they had killed thousands. That's how they convinced a countless number of people to join. They target people whose families fought in the battle. If they died they asked then to join as they told them about the family member dying. For then they knew they would be the weakest.

The war took a number of lives but the humans had more people on their side then the magic users and they won. The magic users in which survived are now in hiding.

                       

 I don’t know why but I feel so connected to it. Maybe it’s because I can use magic I’ve learned one spell and that I have a hope of one day getting out of this place and understanding why I’m here. Who put me here.

 I would love to see the world outside of this place that is if there even is a world outside of this place. I mean the books I have, Have to come somewhere right so there got to be a world.

Anyway, I need to stop thinking about that. It’s what I hope but I don’t think that what is going to happen for me and I don’t want to get so mixed up with a fantasy that I can't get out of my own head. Cause I may not have a lot here but I have my mind. And with that, I can keep coming up with things to do.

I look around at the emptiness I call home and for just a moment going back on what I said. I close my eyes and imagine that I'm not in NoWhere. I imagine that I'm in a field of tall grass and I’m on a hill away from the rest of the field with tons of people and they're all smiling and laughing the sky with blue without a single cloud in the sky.

 The sun is shining its warm light onto everything. There are flowers everywhere some I don’t even know what there called. I stand up and look around I no longer have the book in my hands, I started to run over to the crowd of people smiling happily, but right as I came right next to them the sky turned dark and it started to rain hard. I looked up at the sky the sun was no longing there I looked at the people as for many they knew what was going on, but the people disappeared.

Then I was in a black room. I tried to look for anything that would explain why I’m here and I look over and I see a mirror it seems to be glowing in the darkness of the room. It was a long mirror and it had a fancy design on the edges of it.  I rush over to it since it was the only thing that I could see.

I look into the mirror and I saw me. My light blue hair going down my back like a wave was shining brightly from the light of the mirror then there was my pale skin along with rosy red cheeks. Then were my eyes they were the color of gold shining quite bright. Out of all my features, it sticks out the most. I was wearing a white dress with spaghetti straps that went about down to my knees.

I went to touch the mirror it was flat and cold. I looked down at my hand then something quickly grabbed my hand hard from the mirror. I quickly looked back at the mirror. Fearing what might be there.

It showed a girl who looked around my age with pale skin looking almost white. She had white flowing hair that went down to the bottom of the mirror. It seemed to glow. She was wearing a black dress the dress seemed to be cut at the top to show her shoulders and the bottom of the dress had gold swirls that swirled around they dancers at a ball with midnight button shoes and a  bright rose in her hair. Its redness showed more night due to the lack of color in her hair. Her face had a red gem a rudy. Between her eyebrows and 3 right below each eye. She was very pretty. 

She had her eyes closed, so I could not see her eye color. Suddenly the mirror disappeared fading into the darkness I looked back at where the mirror was and she was standing right in front of me. Holding my wrist tightly. 

I stared at her not knowing what to do and not going to lie I was really afraid I thought that I would be able to take something new and not be fearful of it but I have never seen someone like her before and it's dark and creepy in here, but on the other side it was someone new. Someone who was not me! Maybe she will stick around for a while, maybe I could finally have a friend.

“Hello?” I asked in a quiet tone soft. She slowly opened her eyes. They were blood red and seemed to be glowing. I watch as we stood in silence for a while she staring right at me. I tried my best not to look her in the eye. normally I would have found all of this a little bit scary but Something about her made us not scared. I don’t know how to explain it but it didn't have this ‘I’m going to kill you’ look she had a very kind look in her eyes. She took a deep breath.

“Are you Lilly?” She asked. Her voice was sweet and she had a hint of a British accent in it. It was calming and put me dazed.  She softly let go of my wrist and I let my arms fall right to my side. I looked at her with curiosity. Who was she? Why was she in this place.

 Normally this would be the time to escape. This would be the best time to run screaming but I stayed. She looked at me awaiting my answer. That's when I remember that I had to answer.

                   

I looked at her and said. “Yes, I am. Who are you?” I asked her. She looked like she was in the water. Her hair was floating now. It’s been doing that since the mirror disappeared or maybe broke. Who knows honestly. She looked at me with a look that I have no idea how to describe but wonder. She looked at me like I was a mouse in an experiment. Wonder if I was going to move or not.

She shook her head slowly and looked at me but looked like she was looking straight threw me and said. “No. This is not the right place to tell you my name.” She said very calmly. then looked around as if she was looking for someone. Was she in danger?

 

“I need to hurry, but I must ask you this. Do you want to change your life?” She asked me looking so serious but I saw a smile crept on her face which then disappeared. What did she mean to change my life and how so? Of all things even if this life is boring I did not want to turn into the turtle or something.

“What do you mean,” I asked her. The same smile showed up again. Then follow with a small giggle from her. Should I really be trusting someone who seems like she's up to something? 

“I’ll say that again? Do you want to change  your life?” She says no longer trying to stop that smile she then extended out her hand to me. In order for me to shake it. In order for me to make a deal with her. I looked down at her hand. 

Should I really do it? I think back to the white space NoWhere. I think of myself staying there forever. I never saw another person ever in my life. I think of myself growing old there forever alone. I think of myself dying there all alone. I know it is a risk but maybe it could be a risk that I could take.

She smiled a warm proud smile and slowly closed her eyes. “You have made the right choice I am very proud of you Lily!! Your life with getting a little more interesting now!” She said with and wink and then she disappeared into thin air. I put my hands to my side. I wonder what I had just signed up for. Then my head started to hurt. 

Then I started to run. I don’t know but I did. Trust me it confused me too. Why the heck would I run? My heart was beating so loud that I swear it was a drum. I ran even faster my hair dancing behind her. The dark black room turned into a blank blue room then to a red room then I think I stopped running but the rooms kept changing and changing. It was like the mind of a mad man. Always changing. 

I felt sick. I’ve never felt sick before and all I could say is that it feels just terrible. I felt like I could throw up at any moment and my head felt like it was going to burst.  I leaned down then I had to sit down. I put my hands on my head, hoping it would stop my headache. The world was spinning around me, and I can swear that I’m going mad. It was spinning and spinning around and around. I  closed my eyes firmly wanting this dream to be over.

Then I opened my eyes and I was awake. Was that all a dream? I was back in NoWhere.  “No, No, No” I muttered. I normally don’t have dreams but I did and it felt so real. I kind of scram and at the end of it I was in pain and I wanted it to be over but I was out of this place. I was somewhere new and interesting.  I felt things that I’ve never seen before I have seen the thing I’ve only read about and I… was... Not here...

I wish that dream was true even if I was scared. It was somewhere new. Also, I got to meet someone. I wonder who she is and why she could not tell me her name. I looked down at my hands the book was still there. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. I got my hopes up and they came crashing down on me like I should have known. I got up and put the book down and started stacking the books again.

Author's Note

what ya think?

Reviews

[JayG]

You say you’re trying to improve your storytelling. And since, inherent to that statement is a grave misunderstanding, I thought you’d want to know:

Looking at the prose you are, indeed, storytelling. From start to finish it’s a transcription of you, presenting the story aloud. Problem is, there are problems inherent to that methodology that aren’t obvious to the one writing it. The good news is that those problems are unrelated to your talent and potential as a writer. Still, they are problems that need to be addressed.

The thing you missed—the thing we all miss—is that when telling a story aloud we’re performing. And when doing that, HOW we tell the story is as important as what we say. The storyteller places emotion into their voice that changes constantly. They vary tempo and intensity as needed. They pause meaningfully for breath, and use all the tricks of that marvelous instrument known as the human voice. But the reader can’t hear any of that. And since they don’t know what a given line WILL say, they can’t even guess at how to speak the line, as they're placed in the role of a verbal storyteller with an audience of one. So in effect, you've given the reader a storyteller's script minus the performance notes.

But there’s more. When you perform you add drama to the telling with your performance. You use constantly changing facial expression to illustrate emotion. You add visual punctuation with gestures, and add or moderate emotion with body language. But...how much of that makes the page? Not a trace. What does the reader get? Have the computer read the story aloud. (a handy editing technique for any story) You'll find it's very different from what you intend them to hear.

But there’s even more. When you read this story as you edit, you know the setting before you begin. You know the character and her backstory. You know the objective of every scene. What does the reader know? Only the emotion suggested by punctuation, by what’s suggested by the action so far, and what meaning the words suggest to THEM, based on THEIR background. So while you have intent for how the words are to be taken, each reader gets a slightly different story…unless you use the tricks of writing fiction to compensate. Not the tricks of writing we’re given in school, though, because all the reports and essays we were assigned taught us only how to write reports and essays, not stories. The goal of a report is to inform. But the goal of a story is to entertain, which takes an entirely different approach and presentation skills—skills our teachers never mentioned as existing during our school days.

Look at a few lines from the story, not as the author who knows the story already, but as a reader, who has only the words:

• Everyone has a chance to change their life. It will be tough, it will be dangerous,

Only you know what meaning you intend for “change your life.” If I want to lose 15 pounds that’s a major change. Why is that inherently dangerous? If I stop smoking isn’t that the opposite of dangerous?

My point is that unless the reader has context, the words have no meaning as they're read.

• There I was standing there in a white space.

Okay, what’s a white space? To a writer, it’s a double space between paragraphs to show a time-break. You know what you mean by those words as you read them, but the reader lacks context. And it matters not at all if you clarify later, because you can’t retroactively remove confusion. In any case, you forgot to include some form of lighting because you’re thinking cinematically, on how you would present it on film. There, the viewer would accept there being no obvious light source and focus on the action. But the reader won’t. And having someone stand, doing nothing, while a disembodied voice talks about them isn’t action. And of course, the questions of what she wears, how she can eat or defecate in such a place, comes into play.

• I taught myself how to read them.

Seriously? With no knowledge of how to read, of what punctuation does, of spelling, she taught herself to read? Suppose I placed you into a room full of books, all printed using Hiragana characters. How long would it take you to learn to read with no help? Suppose I make it easier and use the characters of Hebrew to phonetically record English. Not knowing how to read, how long would it take you to learn? For her, that’s the problem she faces, having books but not knowing anything about how to read.

But more than that? How can she speak, not having learned language? Why would she know what a book is, what their purpose is, or why she would WANT to read them?

In short, you’re producing the situation without regard to logic or sensibility. Things happen because you want them to, not as a response to cause. But lacking your knowledge, and your intent, the reader WILL question logical lapses.

Because you have all the necessary knowledge before you begin to read, and can hear and visualize your performance, you never see that. So for you, the story works perfectly.

Bottom line: You cannot use the tricks of one medium in another. Fiction-Writing is a profession. And alike all professions, must be learned IN ADDITION to the skills our schooldays give us. So…you want to write stories. That’s great. And you’re willing to work hard at recording them, which is another check-box ticked off. What you’re missing are the tricks unique to the objective and the medium, and you can learn them as easily as you learned the report and essay writing skills we’re given in school, though “It will be tough, it will be dangerous, you will need to make choices you never thought you would have to make.” Well, not so dangerous, but the rest is true, because as Mark Twain observed: “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” And we all come to writing fiction with a lot of "just ain't so," to overcome.

In fact, if you are meant to write the learning will be fun…like going backstage at the theater for the first time. And if it’s not fun? Well, you’ve learned something important about yourself, so it’s win/win. Right?

In fact, the early parts of the journey are easy: Pick up a personal copy of Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It’s a warm easy read, a lot like sitting with Deb and talking about writing. And for an overview of the kind of things a fiction-writer needs to take into account as they write you might look at my article, “Deconstructing Samantha” On WordPress: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2011/07/10/grumpy-writing-coach-7/

In fact, you might want to dig around in the other articles there, too, for an idea of what you need to look into.

But whatever you do, don’t let this discourage you. It’s something that every hopeful writer faces in some fashion. So hang in there. dig in, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Amanda Han]

Thanks a bunch, I'll definitely work on this! I get what you saying and honestly I was struggling with the opening. I didn't know what to write so I went into something work a long time ago. I will work on these, but it will probably only show in later updates I have the story a couple chapters out already on google docs and I adding it here. I plan to revise it once I have it all finished. Thanks you for the advice, I will work on it.