Flying with the stars, Dancing with the Kamikaze

While I was working at a summer camp this summer I was just looking up at the night sky all the while listening to my friends reading their poems.

Black but lilted by light

The heavens are open tonight

From the curtain of cloud spotting the sky

My wings, unfrittle from my back, stretching forth

From the deep slumber it’s has slept.

Slight cool breeze gentility brushes each feather

Aching for flight to be taken.

The stars above whispers my name saying

“Come, come, and take flight”

A rush flows through my veins as my wings

Stretch forth and pulls me from the ground

Higher and higher I climb till I reach for the sky

Beating with my wings I danced with the stars.

This way and that way, up and down, spinning and twirling

Then all was silent.

A voice softer than a breeze came to me, a kamikaze.

A voice more beautiful than a sunrise over the peaks of a mountain.

More glorious than a thousand praises being sung.

More furious than the terrifying hurricane.

More authority than a lions roar.

The sound that both terrifies me though leaves me in awe.

“Come, come my child, my love. Dance with me and be with me for all of eternity.”

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

What do you think of the flow, Please ignore any spelling isssues

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

You weave words and imagery beautifully...:)............

[Wolfwind]

This was a beautiful tapestry of word and imagery. It's flow and form were fine, as it read smoothly both in the mind and out loud. I could feel the intensity of the silent whispers that vibrate with emensity. The overall vibe or resonance of your words craft a truly uplifting feeling.

I don't think I could make any technical suggestions that would improve a piece such as this. I think my only personal opinion would be to have the poem center justified. In my mind, when you have lines that vary in length, center justification enhances the flow. But that's just my view.

Overall, wonderful writing! Thanks for sharing your talent.
Aaron - Wolfwind