I'm Sorry.

        She never quite understood why he hated her. She'd never done anything to him, not that she could remember anyway..

        When Alexis was 14 she got hit by a car, all the doctors doubted her survival. However, she's still alive, at the age of 17 she's still getting major brain surgery. She was a junior this year, and planned to go to college. She's completly determined to make something of herself, despite everybody doubting her abilities. But there was one thing she couldn't leave high school without finding out. Why Alex Cooper hated her..

       She had tried to speak to him a few times. He just turned his nose up and walked away. She tried to ask her friends, but they all got teary-eyed and walked away. But today was her last day. She needed to know before the long summer. She marched straight up to him and shouted in his face.

" Alex Cooper! Don't you dare walk away! You've been avoiding me for THREE years! What did I do wrong?! "

       He looked at her, she could see the disbelief in his eyes. Then, something she never thought she'd see... he cried. He couldn't get more than a whisper out.

" Because.. because you killed my best friend. "

 

Author's Note

Something I'm thinking about working further on, I just want to know if I should? There's probably some minor mistakes. Spelling, etc.. Just looking for HELPFUL critic's&opinons. (:

Reviews

[Vesa Lee]

This is a good start. Makes me wonder, and I like pieces that do that. :)
You might consider trying to rearrange some of the sentences. You set up the story well enough, but the flow was a bit off kilter at some parts.
Really great start though. Curious to know how it all turns out. *smile*

[Arianna]

alyssa annmarie. if you do not continue this i will smack you so hard your brain falls out :)

[YouoweYoupay]

*Reads and suddenly freezes at the end*...wha...what?? I don't get it! D: Good story though, if you ever decide to extend it, I will read on! send requests.

[Snooki]

:O :*(

[Jonathan De Elvira]

Some people said woman's heart is as deep as ocean...but don't forget about man's heart too, if he tend to keep some painful things hidden for a long2 time that would be the start of cold and ill treatment towards his friend and people who's close to him...This story was good. I liked it...

[Looouise]

"remember anyway.." - Just have one full stop. An ellipses isn't really necessary.

"was 14 she got" - she was, rather than she got.

" However, she's still alive, at the age of 17 she's still" - However, by the age of 17 she was still alive, still getting major brain surgery." - this is just to keep in with the tense you've used.

"She's completly determined" - She was

" Why Alex Cooper hated her.." - use three '...' because that's how you signify an ellipses, which is what you've done.

" for THREE " - it may be better to use italics or bold the 'three.' It would look a lot better than using capitals.

"Because.. " add in another '.'

You also do this: " blah blah. " There should be no space between the quotation marks and the text, they should be like: "blah blah." And you just need to work on what tense you've used and remember to stick with it. For the sake of this story, it's immediate past, so don't let the present tense sneak in. :]

I think this is something worth working on. I think you most definitely should, because it's actually pretty good. :] I was thinking that he was possibly going to say, "Because I love you," but when he didn't, I was like...okay, this is something which definitely needs more. :] So, keep writing. :] It'll be worth it.

[Marie Harrison]

Yes, please do. I want to read it when you add more to this story. It's good.

[Needy]

Nice But you need to add something.. i donno what tho..

[Cytosine]

Yeah, if you work further on it I'll definitely read it! I noticed that the tense of the second paragraph is kind of inconsistent, and I don't know if this was intentional, but the name Alex Cooper sounds a lot like a certain musician.