Black Friday gone wrong

My story of running into trouble on black friday

I had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner that day. My brother asked me if I would like to go with him shopping. I had never been Black Friday shopping. I thought it would be a fun experience. It was. I did not expect what was going to happen. I could never expect such things.

We waited around until about 9:30pm. We got in his car and drove to Walmart. The whole parking lot was filled and more. People were parked on grass and on the side of the highway. We found a spot on the grass. There was a line to get in the store. It opened at 10. We got in pretty quick because we weren't waiting for anything special. The deals were great although I didn't have a lot of money. I bought a few movies for $1 each.

Once we were done there we went to the mall. On the way there I poited out that the gas was low. He told me it would be fine and that his gas meter shows less than what is really in the tank. It was somewhere between 11pm and 11:30pm, but the mall didnt open until midnight. We waited in line freezing. New England weather sucks. I looked up at the upper doors and saw people running in. The doors were open at 11:45pm. We ran up the stairs and inside. There was practically nobody inside compared to the size of the place. Most of the stores were closed. We waited for some of our favorites to open. I didn't end up getting much because I wanted to save my money for more important things. All I got was a cheap pair of slippers.

We left the mall and from what I remember we were on our way home. All of a sudden the car slows down. We were on a main road. The car stopped. He shut it off and turned it on about 5 times. Each time we got a little further towards the side of the road. Once we were on the side of the road we decided we had to walk to a gas station.

The walk was brutal. It was so cold and the gas station was probably a mile away. I felt like I was freezing to death. We got there soon enough and the only gas tanks they had were really small. Thankfully they were just enough to get us to another gas station. He filled it up and we walked all the way back to the car. The walk back felt worse. Once we got back and filled it up we were back on our way home.

We were almost home at about 3am. The night was already pretty interesting. We were almost at our exit. All of a sudden a deer runs across the street. We hit it and it went flying over the side of the car. There was fur and saliva all over the windshield. I felt so bad. We didn't mean to hit it. We were going fast and it ran out way too late for us to stop. Also, there were cars behind us, so we would have got rear ended. We pulled into a gas station up the street and wiped all the stuff off the car. I was still in shock. We drove home and thankfully didn't get into anything else. I went right to bed that night.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Dan Hiland]

Hey there! Hitting a deer is quite the surprise, isn't it? I've only done it once, but that was enough for me.

This was an interesting tale you shared, but it needs to be fleshed out. Tell us what you thought about going out on Black Friday; what it was like to see all those crazy people parking everywhere they shouldn't; how you felt when your brother said it was okay to drive around with a barely filled gas tank; and more about that deer (what it looked like, etc).

Add in some dialogue. It will tell us more about your relationship with your brother, among other things.

Stories are different than events. In a story you share more with the reader: description, emotions, questions. The only true emotion you share with us here is how you felt about hitting the deer. There must be more that was going through your mind that evening- especially when you were walking in the freezing cold.

Make us laugh. Make us wonder. But most of all, make us wiser about what you learned from your experience.

Thanks for sharing!

[Aly_Mello]

Thank you so much for the advice. I just might rewrite this when I get the chance. I will definitely use this in my future writing. I know I didn't put nearly enough effort into this. Thanks again. You have really helpful tips.

[Matt Sayer]

What an eventful night! Here in Australia, we don't celebrate Black Friday, so I have not experienced the maniacal extremes of retail fever. Although, Christmas time can get hectic enough. I *can* relate to car troubles in the middle of the night, though. That is certainly not a fun experience, especially if the weather was as bad as you say! As for the deer, I've had many a close call with kangaroos running across the road up in Ballarat, and each near-miss is a heart-attack waiting to happen! Thanks for sharing the story :)

[Aly_Mello]

It was most definitely eventful! Thanks for the review.