Things to deal with

Life events

It's been a while since I lasted posted something, and I don't know why I waited this long to come back.  Perhaps I am afraid of responses or criticism or perhaps I am afraid of letting go of my grief.  The reason remains unclear to me, but here I am.  My wife recently told me that she doesn't know if she loves me anymore.  There are certain types of pain that cut deeper than anything else and for me, this ranks as number one.  All the work I had put in had been erased in one moment.  To be fair, I am generally a negative person.  Sometimes I cannot believe the things that come out of my mouth, especially around her.  It isn't ever about it, but that kind of attitude creates an environment that is poisonous for everyone.  I do not appreciate my behavior up until this point.  Like most people I reacted defensively, and lashed out.  She brought tears and I brought anger.  And in response to that anger she removed emotion.  I can't believe I did that to someone I love.  The fault does lie only with me, but I'll be damned if I didn't help it get further along after that.  What have I done to my best friend?  How far have I pushed her?  Will she want to reestablish communication?  Will she be willing to make it work?  She has agreed to go to counseling, but I cannot tell if she is doing this just to placate feelings tied to "not putting in the work".  She has picked up a book and is reading through it while trying to address issues with ADHD.  This is helpful to me since one of the driving issues behind our lack of communication is different styles with ADHD as a contributing factor.  We both have it, we both love it, we both hate it.  We need to learn to deal with it, untreated ADHD is very detrimental to a relationship. 
      I have hope.  I love my wife.  I want to put in the work to be a better husband, and I want her to put in the work to be a better wife.  I want to have a marriage that people are jealous of, and our behavior right now just doesn't support that.  But we are trying (as far as I know) and that is what counts right now.