I Sat Beside Him And Then I Let Go

I chose to let go of the shallow feelings I felt for him, because now we're moving on to a deeper level.

Letting go comes in different forms in all of us. For me, I have experienced almost all forms of letting go. I let go when my best friend and first love said he couldn’t love me. I let go of great opportunities when fate said I didn’t deserve them. I let go of two mobile phones when I lost them. I let go of my only childhood best friend when she died of cancer when she was thirteen.

Whether we let go of people we love or objects we treasure, letting go is, and has to be a process. We can never completely let go of something or someone over night. And now, just as I am on the process of letting go of my father who also died of cancer two years ago, I have to let go of something that has been in my heart for three years.

He was sitting beside me on a crowded, noisy club last night. With bottles of beer on the table, and with my great fascination of long, winding conversations, I could say it was a perfect time to talk to him. For three years I have been dying to meet him and talk to him and be friends with him. From the first time I saw him facilitating in a student council event I attended until now that we work on the same student organization, there were, of course, progress in our ‘relationship’. We became casual acquaintances who would exchange hellos in corridors, and then we became friends who would ask each other about work, music, movies and stuff.

Fast forward to last night at that crowded club, I knew it was time to ask him about his personal life, about his past relationships, and about the things that he is looking for in a partner. But no, I couldn’t talk about those things because he was having that kind of conversation to the girl I just introduced him to " my best girl friend.

Some say I had to feel jealous. Some say I had to be hurt. But I say, I just have to let go and move on. So at this moment I will start the process of letting go. I will let go of my desirecrush on him. I will let go of the fantasies I made. I will let go of the things that would make him feel awkward when he’s with me (like the bunch of photos of him in my cellphone that I downloaded from his Facebook profile).

I will let go of the dreamy feelings I felt for him, because now it’s not a dream anymore. We’re good friends now. And that’s enough for me.

Author's Note

I am concerned with the overall tone of the piece. I know it's not a story because the elements aren't there. Please comment on everything that I can improve. Thanks.

Reviews

[Dai Hanshou]

Well, there weren't spelling errors. This seemed like a dissertation on a small event. I didn't feel the character. You lack sheer description, it'd have been better if you incorporated more about the character. And I kind of like the ending - it expresses contentment.

[Pax]

I think I could agree with Dai, kabayan. Somehow I could not describe who this person is or who is this thoughts frome... but other than that, it is sort of a journal, a part of it in some way... it says what it is like to have unrequited feelings... and you've done that pretty well. so keep it up!