Offline

that girl was the girl

flirting with the other girl

in the girls only chat room

on some malware infested

chat site

she fooled a lot of people

girls mainly

behind a saviour screen
that sighed light

on her ugly face

manly girl

i remember the girl 

i liked

said she made love 

to the other girl that

was my friend

on the chat site

and i laughed

and the ceiling 

quivered

trembled

squirted plaster flavoured

crumbs on her head

before falling

Reviews

[Perfect Mistake]

I loved this. Like how it ended, rather funny. So many people hide behind the computer screen to feel better about themselves. Good work :3 And also that person who is advertising is doing that to my poems also, i dont know whats her deal but its annoying.

[Polaroid Impossible]

Behind the screen we take on an alter ego, a split personality. All who engage in this technology frenzy are tainted by its addiction. Who knows who we are communicating with and who can view what we do. You have described the social paranoia that exists online today perfectly. Well done :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Awesome. Great poem.

[Michael G.]

Sad, we can't see each and every person behind their words. But, then again... I'm not sure I want to know all.
Very good, quick paced poem..

[Kaa Na Kalyanasundaram]

Great. You have written well. Good. with regards.

[Keith]

I liked the way you put this together. It reads quickly with each line telling the story in a clear flow.

The story itself made me smile. It is AMAZING the shift some people have between real life and cyber life. Take me, I am really a 22 year old triathlete who happens to be a multimillionaire.
:)

[Clockwork]

I got one of those e-zine messages in my inbox earlier today. I suppose it is a new spam type thing on here. If it were legit they would start a group or a contest or send personalized messages. Now that that is out of the way, on to the poem!

It is interesting how some people can use the internet to change who they are. It is a reality for our generation and it often allows people to take advantage of others. I think that you show us that. I especially liked where you ended. My only suggestion is reviewing the word choice of "squirted" when you are writing about the falling of things.

[Alpris]

Of course I am a writer, you've just posted a comment on one of my poems.
Please don't advertise on my poetry, I find it rather rude.