my bloody rant

Don't ask. I have been running on an hour's sleep and I need to engage my thoughts into words.

Thursday: 13^th September 2012, 1:22a.m

 

Relationships are rubbish, and even so regardless of the genders involved in such pointless processes. I am of the homosexual variety, I have nothing against the GLBT community or the opposing heterosexual community. Online or offline, I see couples flirting and smooching with delicate ignorance and idiocy for the true dangers of it and I know I am not jealous, but merely designed to prevent attachment that will, without control, one day venture too far into my shell and cause destruction. I don’t care if you find several contradictions within this post; my mind is a mere scatter of speculation and paranoia and I have already been diagnosed with multiple-personality tendencies. Everything in here, I agree wholly with.
Please deal with it.


Girls my age annoy the f*****g s**t out of me if our relationship descends beyond a simple friendship. They are careless, they use “YOLO” as an excuse to swing their legs open and they take their ages for granted. It’s as if they are suffering from rigor-mortis and can’t keep their infested sushi curtains closed. Boys often take advantage of the fact to feed their raging hormones and perverse tendencies whilst accusing them, with a golden double standards certificate, of “slagging around” and acting in a w***e’s manner. Everywhere there is overlapping contradiction mixed with complete disregard for the consequences of certain actions and I f*****g hate that some of these freaks used to be my “friends”. Even now they invite me to parties and reunions via Facebook and bloat about how they actually care about me. But I saw through that all during High School when they were attempting to emotionally bully me and trying to mask it with limp hugs.


People who know me well notice I am into that of the older variety of women; while I do not have a specific type she has to at least appeal to me personality wise as I don’t see the point in chasing someone who is rated by society as “visually pleasing” when you know for sure that their looks are what landed them the s****y outlook on life and cockiness to top it off. And that is because:

1) I have pointed out subtly that most girls in my age group lack maturity and insight to life’s precious surprises.

2) Older women are more experienced in all senses and I can relate and converse with them on a much more easier and natural level.

3) I f*****g hate society, and it’s crowd-peddling minions of wannabe stars.

I have also found that, even from an extremely young age, I have been highly fascinated with villains from movies and books and was disappointed to see the good guy come out on top. Funny that, init.


 I found also, that with the troubles of media and society and the way our “suited” age groups are portrayed and moulded that those of my age or near are of no interest to me; unless my friends. But even so their souls are dull palettes not worthy of holding vibrant colour they were destined to paint to their own advantages; they are much too timid to add the spice of a new-born fascination. I was once like that but I realized that while plastic can be torn through and escaped from, metal would be a more difficult task.


Do we even live in the same world? You know this is all true. Clichés have a knack for towering over one’s views and casting their sight forever to stone cold brick. It blocks one’s own fresh ideas and concept of the human heart and its actual purpose.  
The human heart itself is of a generic fairytale of society, if not real. If real, it can at least hold things other than love; but love, in many senses of the word, is defined by what makes it beat faster. You chase what you love, that’s the aim, right? They should be proud that I’m partially agreeing with them on some level: That love is what makes the world go round. Unfortunately, this message is poorly portrayed several times through s****y mainstream media and does indeed send a very transparent message. They say s**t like “she makes my heart skip a beat” and “this girl makes my heart go badum badum badum” along with s****y artists to paint these dull pictures like Rihanna, Usher, Chris Brown, Kelly Clarkson… the list goes on. This little s**t sister of mine is one of Them, much to my shame and dismay. But if one will say “Jeffrey Dahmer gets me excited” or “Myra Hindley makes my heart jump” they will be condemned to Hell; because then they will conclude their inaccurate future-foretelling for me by saying, and I quote:
“But it’s our opinion you’re sick.”
It’s my opinion we’re all allowed our own f*****g opinions so start showing some f*****g respect, should you expect to be heard and taken seriously.


So which is more real? The over-duplicated idea of love which has been worn from a mere ragged once-loved teddy bear to a now a mound of aged and deteriorating cotton…or the raw idea of someone indulgent in sharing another’s passion simply for their own interest and not for the purpose of fitting in? 
Myra Hindley is a great idol of mine, and an aspiring as well as inspiring figure in my life. I will never stop loving her and on my early path of research, rejoice and worship up til now I have met that of many crowd-peddling vermin who have attempted to bulldoze me with insults. Probably with the notion of hoping I will be upset and apologize, feel threatened and insecure, suddenly realize I do in fact have empathy and actually care about children or just die like they wish? Sorry, kiddies. None of the above.


We all have our opinions and should be respected as such for even having a soul. If one does not agree, one does not agree. I am not a believer in deliberate change but the idea of insulting someone to irk an unnecessary argument is, in my mind, highly immature and shows how spineless and insecure the other is in fact of themselves.
As far as I’m concerned, serial killers have more soul than the average street walker or YOLO clone. Although they work in the same type of industry most of them have their -own- methods and signatures, beliefs and their own idea of happiness and destiny. They chase only what makes their hearts beat as I will chase what makes mine pump the blood around my body and keep me alive. So don’t you start defining the human heart with Godly scriptures, ideas of fairytales and kindness. Technically, even those materialistic virtues could not physically keep us alive. Although with good health the heart pumps, the soul and heart itself is empty until you find it some sort of satisfying sustenance.


That is the heart’s purpose; to pump blood around the body to keep us alive. Without a heartbeat, we will die. The only reason you’re all alive is because you chase your desire to fit in so as to mask your insecurity and claim your insurance as a clone to avoid being judged or disowned. I don’t care who disowns me; it will show that even most of those “closest to me” have been fraudulent in their care and concern and frankly I could do without them, easily. I have met the two important people I was destined to meet.
Myra and Zach, I love you both. Now would you look at that… love, yes, but not the kind that says I give a s**t about other people I don’t even know unless deserving and loyal. Those two, so far…. are my arteries.

Farewell for now, and good night.

Author's Note

Please don't review this in terms of grammar, improvement or anything of the sort. This is me ranting, and I don't believe thoughts can or should be manipulated as such.

Reviews

[Michael G.]

Read... no review, as requested. Interesting thoughts.

Only two people of importance? It's great to have one, even two relationships that you can share with and "love." But, is that all? Just two? That to me would be sad.

[Alpris]

Its better than being alone, in my honest opinion.
Those two people are enough will to live, as well as my passions.

[Michael G.]

This place needs a "LIKE" button. Well said.

[Pól]

Good rant- well written.
I'm confused about one thing- you make a very cogent case that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Is it not the case, therefore, that those who take an adverse view of you because of your opinion, are entitled to that opinion? Just asking?
Also wtf is yolo?

[Alpris]

Yes I pointed out we all have our own opinion but I also supported it with ideas that people go over that boundary by attempting to insult and change my own opinion- that's what annoys me. "YOLO" stands for "You Only Live Once" and is often used as an excuse by others to make awful and shaming decisions. Thank you Paul