Nineteen

            I knew everything still wasn’t going to be perfect between me and my mom, but it seemed like it was just one less thing I had to worry about, which was a relief. Things were quite overwhelming for me lately, and I was happy I had the weight of the stress over my mom’s condition off my shoulders.

            We sat next to each other on the couch as she sipped her coffee and I sipped my hot chocolate. We hadn’t opened any presents yet, as we were waiting for Ray to show up. I could tell my mom was angry, and I was happy for it. She was beginning to behave like a normal parent, and actually worry about her children.

            “I can’t believe Ray would do this, just sneak out in the middle of the night and go to a party on Christmas Eve. Then he has the guts to stay out all night and keep us waiting and worried on Christmas morning!” My mom’s knuckles were white from the grip she had on her mug. She kept her composure, though, and didn’t let her anger show on her face.

            I knew she was exhausted, and I could tell she just wanted to go back to bed. She’d been sleeping a lot lately, and I assumed it was because of the overwhelming pressure to become responsible again, and gain her old life back. The only reason why she wasn’t sleeping and was sitting next to me on the couch was because it was Christmas, and she knew that if she was going to fix all that she had broken, she had to start by being with her family when she knew she was supposed to. Christmas was the perfect way to test if she’d actually set her mind to changing.

            After another half hour of waiting and talking, the sound of the back door closing quietly let us know that Ray was home. A few seconds later and we saw him try to tiptoe as quickly as he could toward the stairwell. Apparently he didn’t want to get caught.

            “Ray,” my mom called, her voice stopping him dead in his tracks. He stood up straight and turned around to see us sitting on the couch watching him.

            Surprise registered on his face, and I knew it was more because of the fact that we were sitting together and being civil than the fact that we were waiting for him to come home.

            “You two are up early. I’m surprised,” he said, trying to sound casual as he made his way towards us. My mom stood up at his approach and put her hands on her hips.

            “It’s Christmas,” she said, her voice icy.

            “Even so, usually you guys aren’t awake until at least ten-thirty.”

            “Never mind the fact that we are awake earlier than usual. I’m saying ‘it’s Christmas’ because I can’t believe you would actually sneak out to go to a party on Christmas Eve and spend the whole night gone, leaving us here to wait for  you on the one day you are expected to be with your family.”

            Ray’s eyebrows knitted together above the bridge of his nose. “Mom, I didn’t go to any parties last night. I was with Ethan over at his place. His dad is out of town for the whole week, and Ethan didn’t want to spend Christmas alone. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was going, but usually you don’t care about that kind of stuff.”

            Alarm bells went off in my head as I remembered where Ethan had really been last night"with me. Then I remembered that Ethan had only been with me for a few minutes, and I’d noticed Ray was gone after I’d seen Ethan. So maybe they met up at Ethan’s house after Ethan left my house. It was a possibility, right?

But then my mind recalled when Ethan had told me he would come see me after he opened presents with his dad. So if Ethan was telling the truth, then his dad wasn’t out of town for the week. That meant Ray was lying. But what if Ethan was the one lying? My head was pounding, but I was bound and determined to figure out the truth.

            “Well, things are going to be different from now on,” my mom replied sternly. “I had a long talk with Heidi, and you and I can have our talk later Ray. But for now, let’s just try to have a normal Christmas. Who wants to open a present first?”

 

After I carried my presents up to my room, I walked over to my window, leaned my head against the cool glass and closed my eyes as a range of emotions overcame me. I was feeling a million things at once, and I needed a moment to rein myself in. On the one hand, I was relieved and happy that my mom had finally come to her senses, yet a little worried that maybe she wasn’t capable of changing after all and had just gotten my hopes up. On the other hand, I was frightened, unprepared and lost in the unknown when it came to Ethan and whoever he was dealing with, yet I knew that I was completely incapable of pulling myself away from him. Then there was Ray, and the worries I had as to why he would lie to my mom about where he’d been last night. There was also the fact that if Ray wasn’t lying, then Ethan was the one lying, and he was wrapped up in a big enough web of lies as it was.

            I felt my knees wobble and I knew my life was spinning out of control. How had everyone else’s problems managed to intertwine with my life? And when had I begun to care so much?

            I reached up to wipe away a tear I hadn’t even realized had fallen. I had to get a grip on my life. I needed back the control I had somehow lost in my feelings for Ethan.

            I marched down the hall to Ray’s room and knocked on the door. Without waiting for a reply, I walked in and shut the door behind me. Ray was in the midst of crawling out his bedroom window and onto the roof. He looked back at me, his face full of surprise and guilt.

            “Where are you going?” I asked accusingly.

            He sighed and pulled himself back into his room, sliding the window shut behind him. “Well I was going to go for a walk.”

            I felt my eyes narrow at him. “And you needed to go out your window because…?”

            “You think mom would let me leave? After her ‘epiphany’, and on Christmas of all days… I don’t think so.”

            His tone was meant to mimic my mom’s, and I was surprised at his attitude. “You’re not happy about how mom has changed?”

            “Of course I’m happy. I just need my freedom right now, and I feel like she’s going to try to take that away from me. Or allow me less, at least.”

            “And this is obviously a problem for you.” It wasn’t a question. “But why do you so desperately need your freedom right now?” I asked, accusing again.

            Ray rolled his eyes, trying to play it off. “I’m a teenage guy. Why else?”

            I snorted in disbelief. “For the record, I don’t believe a word you’re saying right now. But I came in here for a reason.”

            He sighed again, obviously annoyed by my presence. “And that would be…?”

            “Where were you all night?”

            “I told you already.”

            “No, you told mom, and you told her a lie.”

            “What are you talking about Heidi?”

            “What time did you go to Ethan’s?”

            “I don’t know, around eleven maybe. Why?”

            “Ethan came here at midnight to see me and give me a present,” I said matter-of-factly. “And, obviously, you weren’t with him.”

            “So? You think he wouldn’t let me stay at his house alone for a few minutes while he ran there to give you a present?” Ray countered.

            I frowned. “Okay, point taken. But you told mom that you stayed at Ethan’s because he didn’t want to be alone on Christmas.”

            “And..?”

            “Ethan told me he would be opening presents with his dad this morning.”

            Ray’s jaw clenched, and he looked away for just a moment. He said nothing.

            “I’m so sick of everyone lying to me! Why can’t you just tell me the truth?” I folded my arms across my chest and felt my frown deepen.
            “Because there’s really nothing to tell, Heidi.”

            “Then why was it necessary to lie? Especially to me, of all people. I thought you trusted me!”

            “Of course I trust you! We’ve been through everything together"you’re my little sister!” he said, sounding offended.

            “Oh, don’t try to make me feel bad because I accused you of not trusting me.”

            Ray closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if to collect himself. “I am not trying to make you feel bad,” he said calmly. “Okay?”

            “Either way, I just want to know where you were last night.”

            “Let it go Heidi. It’s nothing to do with you, so it’s none of your concern,” Ray said briskly. He stepped toward me. “By the way, what did Ethan get you for Christmas?”

            “It’s nothing to do with you, so it’s none of your concern,” I mimicked, scowling at him. My hand automatically reached up and touched my necklace without me even noticing, in reaction to Ray mentioning Ethan’s present.

            Ray noticed, though, and pulled the necklace out from beneath my shirt, taking a closer look at it.

            He stared at it for a minute, then looked back up at me. “Ethan got you this?”

            Realizing his tone was accusing and his eyes were full of anger, I felt myself shrink back a bit. “Yes, why?”

            “A wolf…” he mumbled to himself, clearly upset. He turned it over and read it, and I saw the heat rise to his face as he grew even angrier.

            “What is wrong with you?” I asked, about to pull the necklace away from his reach. Before I could, though, Ray gave a rough tug on the necklace and it unclasped from around my neck. He held it in his clenched fist and brushed past me, walking quickly down the hallway.

            I raced after him, confused and mad that he’d yanked it off of me so forcefully. “Ray, what are you doing? Ethan gave that to me!”

            “Yeah, and he’s got some explaining to do!” he yelled back at me without stopping or turning around. I followed him down the stairs, but he was too fast to catch up with. He stalked out the front door and let it slam behind him as I just stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the closed door.