Eighteen

            Okay, I wasn’t scared of Ethan specifically. I was more scared of what I didn’t know about him, of the secrets he hid, and the apparent danger he put me in.

I reached beneath the neckline of my shirt and touched the wolf necklace, running my finger along the smoothness of the wood, feeling the texture of the crystal in the eye and the moon. My thumb touched the bump of the engraved writing, and I turned it over and stared at it. The Protector. Was that Ethan’s way of promising to protect me?

I headed back upstairs to my room and stopped at Ray’s door. I hadn’t seen him much all day�"he was only home for a few hours the entire day.

I was surprised to see there was no crack of light beneath his bedroom door, as he was usually never asleep earlier than one a.m., and it was only midnight. I opened his door, slowly and quietly, and stuck my head in. It was pitch black in his room, and I stared at his bed, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark. I saw no form beneath the covers and I couldn’t hear any breathing.

I turned on the light and as my eyes adjusted, my heart sank. Ray wasn’t in his bed. I felt anger fill me at the thought of him going out to some party on Christmas Eve. He would probably come home hung over, and sleep in till the late afternoon. Therefore, I would have to spend Christmas morning alone with my mother. How selfish was he? Didn’t he want to spend Christmas with his family?

I went out into the hallway, grabbed the landline phone and dialed Ray’s cell number. As I waited for an answer, I realized I was hearing an echo of the ringing. I followed the sound back into Ray’s room, and saw his cell phone sitting on his end table, beside his bed.

Anger boiled inside me. I had been planning to yell at Ray and tell him off, but it seemed like that wasn’t possible since he didn’t even have his phone on him. All I could do was go to bed and hope he had enough decency to come home in time for Christmas morning.

 

[   -   -   -   ]

 

I woke up around eight o’clock a.m. and decided to have a shower before I headed downstairs to face my mom. She had been going to therapy once a week since Ray and I had set her up with Dr. Hampton. She was showing obvious improvement, but she still had a long way to go. I was pretty sure that Dr. Hampton was focusing first on her resorting to alcohol and the way she dealt with my father’s death, but I was hoping he would soon address the way she treated Ray and me. I was discovering that I needed a mother now more than ever.

After my shower, I dried off and got dressed. On my way downstairs, I looked into Ray’s room. He still wasn’t in there. I hoped against hope that he was already downstairs, but I knew he probably wouldn’t be.

“Merry Christmas,” I said to my mom as I walked into the kitchen and took in the sight of her at the coffee maker. I looked around and, of course, no Ray.

She turned around and held a mug out to me. “Merry Christmas!”

I was taken aback by her spirited mood, but tried not to let my surprise show. “I don’t like coffee.”

“I know, hon. It’s a candy cane hot chocolate with whipped cream.” She held the mug out farther and I took it from her hands.

“Oh… Well, thank you,” I replied, shocked. She’d remembered I didn’t like coffee, and even got my preferred hot chocolate correct. “You seem to be in a good mood.”

“Well its Christmas, isn’t it?” she said a little harshly. She cleared her throat and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. Have a seat, I want to talk.”

I hesitantly took a seat at the dinner table as she sat down beside me, turning her chair to face mine. I wrapped my hands around the warm mug and took in a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever it was she had to say.

“Heidi, I want to thank you. Setting me up with a therapist changed my life, and I owe it to you and Ray. Through all the consulting with my doctor, I’ve had a great realization… an epiphany. I know that ever since your father died, I’ve been a horrible mom. All I do is work, and I treat you terribly. I know that. It was so hard for me to overcome your father’s death, and I took it out on you and Ray, but mostly you. Because of that, I want to apologize.” She sighed sadly. “Sometimes people just get lost in the ones they loved from their past, and forget that they still have those they love in the present. And I realized that I want the ones I love to be a part of my future. I now know that if I keep treating you the way I do, then you will want nothing to do with me when you’re older. I don’t want that. And lately I’ve been thinking how appalled and heart-broken your father would be if he could see the way I have been behaving.

“So I know that saying sorry hardly makes up for the way I’ve acted, but I’m hoping it’s a start. I know how terrible these past four years have been for you two, and it’s my entire fault. I’m finally taking responsibility for my actions, and I promise that I am going to try to be a better mother. I promise that from now on, I will always be there for you and Ray, no matter what. I only hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

I let this sink in, and was stunned into silence. I had only ever prayed for my mom to have such a realization as this�"I’d never thought she actually would. I’d thought my dad’s death had changed her forever; I’d lost her the moment I’d lost my dad. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe she just needed a bit of help finding herself again.

As I stared at her hopeful face, begging for my forgiveness, I felt something inside me break. My resolve crumbled and my body gave in with it. I broke down in tears and reached forward, wrapping my arms around my mom’s neck.

“I’ve waited four years to hear you say that,” I managed between sobs. I leaned back to look at her. “This is the best Christmas present ever.”

She lifted her hand and wiped the tears from my cheeks without saying a word. She didn’t have to say anything. I had my mother back, and that was all that mattered.

Reviews

[Black Kat]

I found a few simple grammatical errors (why I rated it lower), but nothing that seemed to hinder the flow of the story. Otherwise, the story sounds great. Good work.