Twelve

            I couldn’t take it anymore�"I couldn’t wait for Ethan to come around and make up his mind. He’d kept away from me all week and I was pissed. He couldn’t just kiss me the way he did and then not talk to me for a whole week! I was fuming.

            It was Friday, and I’d been waiting for Ethan to come up to me all day and explain himself. I’d hung around all the places he usually did during school, hoping he would pass me by… Not a chance. I ate lunch with Ray, knowing that was where Ethan was most likely to be… Not that day, apparently. I even went out to the parking lot to wait by his car for him after school… It was already gone.

            I decided that I would just have to drive over to Ethan’s house myself and confront him face-to-face. What other choice did I have? I wanted answers, and it looked to me like I was going to have to force them out of him.

            I got to Ethan’s house and approached the front door. I had to knock three times before he answered. Apparently, he’d just gotten out of the shower. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, and he was drying his hair with another towel. I tried not to stare at his body, but it seemed unavoidable.

            “Heidi, what are you doing here?” he asked, sounding surprised and a little regretful. He tossed the towel that he’d been using to dry his hair over one shoulder.

            “I want answers, Ethan,” I replied flatly.

            “Answers to what?”

            “Why did you kiss me?” I tried to keep the hurt from showing in my voice, or on my face. I doubted I was succeeding. “Why did you kiss me, and then avoid me all week? It kind of makes me think that you regret kissing me.”

            Ethan looked over his shoulder, then stepped in front of me on the porch and closed the door behind him. “I’m sorry, Heidi.”

            “I don’t want an apology,” I said quietly. “I want an answer.”

            “I�"I can’t really explain myself.” His eyes searched mine desperately, begging for my understanding.

            I stared back at him defiantly. “You know, I actually had myself convinced that you were nothing like Brent. But you are. You don’t care about me�"you just wanted something from me. Since I’m assuming you got whatever it is you wanted, I guess this is goodbye.” Maybe I was being dramatic, but I’d experienced too much hurt with Brent, and I didn’t want that from Ethan, too. I figured I might as well end it�"whatever “it” was�"before he did.

            As I turned to walk away, he grabbed my arm. “Wait, Heidi. I’m nothing like Brent, and deep down you know that.”

            I turned back to face him. “Really, Ethan? Then what are you doing with me? Because I can’t handle being another victim of some a*****e’s game.”

            “Don’t you trust me?”

            “I�"I don’t know. It depends.”

            “On what?”

            “Why you’ve been avoiding me.”

            He let out a big gust of air. “I just had to figure some stuff out.”

            I nodded my head, encouraging him to continue.

            “Well, I can’t really tell you any more than that…” he said slowly.

            I threw my hands up in frustration and let them go limp, slapping the sides of my legs. “Really, Ethan!”

            “I’m sorry!” he replied, sounding like he was begging. “Please, just trust me!”

            “That’s kind of a lot to ask of me, since you don’t trust me.”

            “It’s not that I don’t trust you�"”

            “Then why can’t you just tell me?” I asked as calmly as I could manage.

            He took a deep breath. “I just can’t. I’m trapped here, okay? Please understand that it’s safer for you if you don’t know.”

            I felt my eyes pop open. “Oh no. You’re in some sort of trouble, aren’t you?”

            He shook his head instantly, dismissing the thought. “No, nothing like that.”

            I sighed. “Will you tell me eventually? Because you know this is really going to bother me.”

            “Heidi,” Ethan said softly. “Just… just let it go, okay? Just forget about it, and you’ll have no reason to worry about it.”

            “But what if�"”

            He lifted his finger to cut me off. “Don’t go getting all paranoid about it either. If you really do trust me, then you should know that I would never do anything to hurt you. You mean too much to me.”

His expression turned soft and he leaned in towards me, pressing his lips to mine. His hand lifted to my face and he placed it on my jaw, beneath my ear, automatically pulling me closer to him.

            I leaned my body into his and pressed my hand against his damp, naked chest. I could feel his heartbeat beneath my fingertips, but that hardly registered as he carefully slid his warm tongue into my mouth. Butterflies swarmed my stomach and threatened to take over as I followed Ethan’s bold actions.

            Eventually he pulled away from me and studied my face. I knew I was blushing intensely, but I didn’t care. I’d never been kissed that way before�"it was indescribable. There was so much more emotion and passion in just one kiss from Ethan than a hundred kisses from Brent.

            “So does this mean no more avoiding me then?” I asked, smirking at him.

            “That’s exactly what it means,” he answered, smiling. “Hey, do you want to come inside? I want you to meet my dad.”

            I hesitated. “But I showed up so unexpectedly... Maybe I could come back later, or�"”

            “Its fine, Heidi. He’ll be excited to meet you.”

            “Alright,” I replied after a moment. The hopeful look on his face made him hard to disappoint�"which was probably exactly how he’d intended it.

            I followed Ethan inside his house. It was very cottage-resembling on the inside as well as the outside�"with their gas stove, stone fireplace, dark hardwood floors, and large, open windows.

            Ethan showed me the unexpectedly spacious kitchen, and then guided me into the living room, full of over-stuffed furniture. I would’ve felt completely at home in his house, if it weren’t for the nervousness I was feeling towards meeting his father.

            Just then a man walked into the room�"I it assumed was his dad�"and was staring down at an instruction manual in his hands. He was very tall, maybe 6’4, and I figured that was where Ethan got his height. The man had the same green eyes and tanned skin as Ethan, but had chestnut brown hair instead of Ethan’s dirty-blonde hair. He was an attractive man, and he looked younger than he probably was.

            “Dad,” Ethan said, and the man looked up at him, surprised to see he had company.

            “Ethan? Why are you wrapped in a towel?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously as he took in the sight of us together.

Ethan looked down at himself, reminded of his lack of clothing. “Oh, I just had a shower. But I wanted you to meet someone. This is my friend, Heidi.” He gestured towards me.

            Friend. That was how he chose to introduce me to his father. It bothered me a little. But how else would he have introduced me? This is Heidi. We’re a little more than friends�"I kiss her unexpectedly and tell her she’s special to me�"but I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend. Right.

            “Heidi! Hel-lo!” he said to me, then looked back at Ethan. “Man, Eth. You sure know how to pick the beautiful ones.”

            I felt a blush rise to my cheeks. I thanked him for the compliment at the same time Ethan groaned in embarrassment.

            “Heidi, this is my dad,” he said tiredly.

            “Call me Billy, please,” Ethan’s dad said, and shook my hand happily.

            “Okay, Billy,” I replied, trying to sound friendly. “It’s nice to meet you.” I gave him a big smile.

            “And sweet too,” Billy said to Ethan, still gripping my hand.

            “Dad, she can hear you,” Ethan replied, faking exasperation.

            “That’s the point.” Billy let go of my hand and winked at me playfully.

            I let out a laugh and I knew instantly that I was going to like Billy. He seemed like a really easy going, down to earth kind of guy, with a sense of humor. Just like his son. Another similarity I noted between the two of them.

            “So what are you two teenagers up to?” Billy asked.

            Ethan shrugged. “I should probably put some clothes on. I’ll be right back, okay Heidi?”

            I nodded and clasped my hands together in front of me as Ethan passed through the kitchen again and bounded up the stairs.

            “You can have a seat, dear. Make yourself at home! Please,” Billy said, giving me a winning smile.

            I returned his smile and took a seat on their oversized loveseat. As soon as I hit the cushion, I was shocked to find that I sunk halfway into the couch. I let out a surprised squeak.

            Billy laughed. “Oh, sorry I didn’t warn you. Our couches are… soft.”

            I laughed along with him, until he sat down across from me and asked, “So Heidi. Do you go to school with Ethan?”

            “Yep,” I answered. “Except, I’m a year younger than him so we don’t have any classes together.”

            “Oh, that’s no good. How did you two meet then?”

            “Well, he’s my brother Ray’s best friend. And he came to my birthday party with Ray.”

            “Oh, right! Yeah, I know Ray! Great kid. I really like him. I didn’t know he had a sister though? Guess you learn something new every day.” He laughed quietly to himself.

            Ethan strode back into the living room just then, and Billy took it as his cue to leave. He lifted his manual back up to his face and began reading again as he left the room, disappearing into the kitchen.

            “I like your dad,” I said to Ethan as soon as Billy was out of earshot.

            “He seems to like you too,” he replied, chuckling.

            I smiled sadly. “He really makes me miss my dad.”

            Ethan sat down beside me and I could see the gentleness in his eyes as he spoke. “Was your dad similar to mine?”

            I shook my head. “Not really, only his sense of humor. It’s more Billy’s presence that brings back memories of my dad.”

            Ethan nodded sympathetically. “I understand. I don’t have a mom, remember?”

            I looked up to him. “What? I thought your parents were just divorced.”

            “Well, technically they are. My mom left us when I was thirteen. She just packed up and disappeared one night. I don’t even know where she is. So, basically, she’s dead to me.”

            I looked down at my lap. “That’s really sad, Ethan. I’m sorry.”

            “I’ll survive. The pain I feel over my mother’s abandonment is mostly made up of anger towards her. But… the pain you experienced over your dad’s death seems a lot worse to me. How do you do it?”

            “Do what?” I asked.

            “Live. How do you go on?”

            I sighed sadly. “I just… I take things day by day, and I don’t think about the future. I focus on enjoying my life, because I know my dad would want me to be as happy as he was.”

            Ethan nodded. “That’s a good way to look at things. How long did it take you to start seeing things from that point of view?”

            “Oh… a few years. The grief was beyond overwhelming in the beginning, but it slowly faded into a dull pain. I guess talking to Ray and Angela and Dallas helped me a lot, too. They pulled me out of my comatose state.”

            “Did your dad’s death affect Ray the same way it affected you?” he asked softly.

            I looked at him. “Hasn’t Ray talked to you about this?”

            “Nah. All he really told me was how your dad died and when. But guys don’t talk about emotional stuff like this.”

            “Oh,” I replied. “Well, no, it affected us differently. Ray dealt with it in his own way, but I think my dad’s death was much harder on me. I was daddy’s little girl and he was my best friend… We were exactly alike, and we did everything together. It was the biggest shock ever the day the police knocked on our door. It took me weeks to absorb the fact that he was really gone. I kept thinking he was going to come through the front door, carrying a present for me and Ray, like he always did when he came home from a long business trip.”

            Ethan said nothing as we both sat, thinking. His silence was the perfect response. There was nothing he could’ve said at that moment that would’ve been “right”, even if he was good with words. He understood this.

            I slapped my hands down on my knees halfheartedly and stood up off the absorbent couch. “Well, I should probably go now. I have to make myself some dinner, then I’m off to work.”

            “Oh really? Where do you work?” he asked curiously, standing up with me and walking me to the door.

            I hesitated. “Um, don’t judge me. I work at Steam. I’m a bartender…”

            His expression didn’t change, except for the small smile that formed on his lips. His eyes were sincere, yet teasing. “Oh, a bartender? And how do you enjoy being hit on by older men?”

            I smirked at him. “I love it. Their dirty remarks really hit the spot,” I answered sarcastically.

            “I’ll bet. You’re probably beating them off with a stick.”

            We laughed together, and I reached for the doorknob.

            “It was nice meeting you Billy!” I called out, not sure if he’d be able to hear me.

            Billy popped his head out of the kitchen instantly. “It was lovely meeting you, Heidi. Come over anytime!”

            I smiled with Ethan and he shook his head. Billy seemed like a piece of work�"and I absolutely loved it.

            Ethan walked me out to my car. I opened the driver’s side door and stood halfway in my car, halfway in his driveway.

            “I’ll see you on Monday,” Ethan said.

            Disappointment registered through me, realizing that Ethan had no plans to see me for the whole weekend, but it subsided when he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.

            “Bye,” I said, and got fully into my car. Ethan closed the door for me and I waved goodbye as I drove off.