Eleven

            After I got out of the shower, around one in the afternoon, my phone started ringing. I raced to answer it.

            “Hello?”

            “Hey, Heidi.”

            “Oh, hey Dallas. What’s up?” I asked, recognizing his voice.

            “Well, you told me to keep you updated on my plans for the rest of the weekend, and I’m not doing anything today. Want to hangout?” He sounded hopeful.

            “Of course. Want to come over here?” I offered.

            “Sure. Does half an hour sound good?”

            “Sounds great. See you then,” I replied, hanging up.

            The reason why I wasn’t inviting Angela over as well was because I needed to have a talk with Dallas. I had to tell him the truth, about my feelings. It was the right thing to do.

            Half an hour later, there was a knock at the front door and Dallas came in.

            “Hey,” he said, hugging me.

            “How was work last night?” I asked.

            “Frustrating. Some person called in at midnight, ordering three large pizzas, and they gave us a fake address. I drove around for like an hour trying to find a house that didn’t even exist.”

            I couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s horrible. Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?”

            “Sometimes,” he replied, shrugging.

            We walked to the living room and sat down on either sides of the couch.

            “So, um, I asked you to come over here so we could talk,” I started hesitantly.

            “Okay,” Dallas replied slowly, nervously.

            I sighed. “Listen Dallas, I know you’ve liked me for a long time. But… I think I’ve been unfair to you. I haven’t addressed this at all, and it may have led you to believe that I like you back? You have to understand that you’re my best friend, and I don’t�"” I hesitated for a second. “�"I don’t expect anything more to evolve between us.”

            He sat there quietly for what seemed like a long time. “Heidi… I haven’t just liked you for a long time… I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.”

            Hearing this made my stomach drop. “I-I’m so sorry. You know that I love you more than anything, but as a friend�"someone I can always depend on and talk to about anything. Someone I can trust against all odds.”

            “Oh, the friend speech,” he said, giving a sad little laugh.

            I grimaced. “Yeah, I know. I hate it, but I just want you to understand.”

            He thought about this for a moment. “So… You’re saying there’s no chance of anything ever happening between us?”

            I shook my head slowly. “I don’t think so, Dallas.”

            He sighed, but I felt the mood lighten. “I’ve always figured as much. But that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop loving you.”

            “Well…” I paused. “I guess I can’t change that. But find the girl who’s right for you, the girl that will make you happy and treat you better than anyone else.”

            Dallas thought about this for a moment. “I will, Heidi.”

            We didn’t bring up the topic again. We spent the rest of the day watching movies in my room and playing video games. Dallas left around six, and I went downstairs to make myself dinner.

            As it turned out, Ray had been cooking while I was upstairs with Dallas, and he left a plate covered on the counter for me. I lifted up the saran wrap and sniffed it. Smells good to me, I thought.

            I rushed to finish my dinner, then headed off to work.

 

“Hey, cutie,” a drunk man at the bar called to me. I’d been at work since seven, and I’d already been hit on at least twice. It was getting tiresome.

            “What’ll it be, sir?” I asked, ignoring the way his eyes focused on things other than my face.

            “How about spending the night with you?” he asked, smiling creepily.

            “What’ll you have to drink?” I clarified, in all seriousness.

            “I only want one thing from you, honey.”

            I slapped my hands onto the bar in front of him and leaned in really close to his face. “You listen to me. Either you order a drink or get the hell outta here. I’m not going to put up with you.”

            The man glared at me, but before he could argue, I turned around and walked out the back door. It opened up into a small, lightened alley, and I sat down on the back steps. Good thing this job pays well, I thought to myself, or else it just wouldn’t be worth it.

            When I got home after midnight, I decided to call Angela’s cell, knowing she’d have it on her and I wouldn’t wake her parents.

            “Hey, Heidi. Why are you calling so late?” Angela asked when she picked up the phone.

            “I just wanted to let you know that Dallas came over to my house today, and I told him that I didn’t feel the same way he felt about me,” I started, and went on with telling Angela what had happened with Dallas.

            “Ugh, I love you!” She sounded relieved and excited. “Thank you for clearing things up with him, Heidi. Maybe now he’ll actually notice other girls�"a.k.a. me�"and realize how I feel about him!”

            “That was my mission,” I replied, smiling to myself. “And he didn’t even take it too hard.”

            “Maybe on the inside he always knew that you didn’t like him that way.”

“Yeah, maybe. Well, I just thought you should know. Anyways, I’m going to go to bed now. Long night at work, you know.”

            “Okay. Thanks again, Heidi. You really are a great friend.”

 

{   -   -   -   }

 

            On Sunday, around lunchtime, Ray and I decided it was time to deal with my mom.

            “Remember, no matter how convincing she sounds, we know she has problems that need to be dealt with,” Ray reminded me as we headed downstairs.

            “Right. So we have to stay strong and we can’t give in.”

            When we got downstairs, my mom was standing in the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

            “Mom, we have to talk,” Ray said in a stern voice.

            “What about, darling?” she asked sweetly. When I entered the kitchen behind Ray and she saw me, her expression changed from welcoming to guarded.

            “We’re just going to come right out and say this…” Ray trailed off, leaving me an opening.

            “We think you need therapy,” I finished.

            My mom’s mouth went slack. “Excuse me? Therapy? What makes you think you have the right to say that to me, Heidi?”

            Ray stepped in front of me. “Both of us think you need therapy, mom.”

            Her expression looked like she’d just been slapped in the face. She felt betrayed. “Ray? W-why would I need therapy?”

            “Are you telling me you don’t know that you have issues?” He was answering a question with another question. Smart.

            My mom’s mouth clamped shut and she didn’t reply.

            “Oh come on, mom. You lock yourself away in your office whenever you’re not at work, you resort to drinking�"probably when you’re thinking about dad�"and you neglect us; you don’t take care of us, you don’t spend time with us… You’re miserable, and you need help,” I explained firmly.

            “You’re wrong! I�"”

            “There’s no point in arguing, mom,” Ray said, interrupting her. “We’re not giving you a say in this. I already called Dr. Hampton, and your meetings will be every Monday at seven�"starting tomorrow.”

            “Do you really think that you�"my child�"can force me to do something I refuse to do?” she asked angrily.

            “No, mom. I don’t. But I know that you know you’re dealing with dad’s death the wrong way. Dr. Hampton will help you recover properly. Because, you know, it has been four years�"this can’t go on anymore. So do the right thing, mom. Let us help you.” His speech was so convincing, I knew my mom would have trouble thinking up an argument.

 

{   -   -   -   }

 

            I was really surprised that, during the following week, I didn’t see Ethan once at school. I knew he wasn’t absent, because I’d been asking around about him. It would seem that he was avoiding me.

            How could he avoid me, after that kiss? It made no sense. I mean, I knew it was just a kiss, but I thought it was special. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, and the fact that he was avoiding me. Inside, though, it was really getting to me.

            “So what’s going on with you and Ethan?” Angela asked as she drove me home from school Thursday.

            “I think he’s avoiding me,” I answered quietly.

            “Did something happen between the two of you?”

            “No. The last time I saw him was when he kissed me.”

            She gave me a sideways glance. “And how would you describe this kiss?”

            “You think my kissing skills drove him away?!” I squealed, and smacked her playfully. “Angela!”

            “What?” She laughed. “I’m just trying to figure out why he’d be avoiding you!”

            “The kiss,” I said matter-of-factly, “was amazing. I don’t see how that could be why he’s avoiding me…”

            “Well, maybe it’s not. Maybe he’s having some personal issues.”

            I raised my eyebrow at her. “Like what?”

            She shrugged. “I don’t know! I’m giving you options here, so you don’t think it’s your fault that he’s avoiding you!”

            “Well I hadn’t been thinking that, but now…”

            “Oh, whatever,” she said, laughing again. “Give me a little credit! I’m trying aren’t I?”

            “Yeah, yeah. I just don’t understand him! Why does he have to be so unpredictable? And complicated?!” I threw my hands up in frustration.

            “Get used to it, girl! All boys are complicated!” She paused, and her voice went quiet. “Dallas has been acting weird around me. Did you notice that?”

            I nodded. “Yeah, kind of. I noticed that sometimes at lunch, he moves away from you when you sit down next to him.”

            “I know! Weird, right? And he always makes a point of changing the subject to some girl, no matter what we’re talking about. First Miranda, then Katie, then Danielle. And now Georgia? It’s like a different girl every day!”

            I thought for a minute. “Maybe, if he likes you, he doesn’t want to let on that he does. He could be afraid you’d do the same thing to him as I did.”

            “Could be,” Angela mumbled.

            “Ang, I think you should just tell him how you feel.”

            “And what if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

            “Then at least you know you tried…”

            “That would be humiliating, Heidi. And it would probably screw up our friendship. I don’t want that. I’ll just wait for him to make his move.”

            “You know Dallas; that will take forever. I suggest you man up!” I said, laughing.

            She sighed. “I’ll think of something.”

            Angela pulled into the driveway of my house and I got out.

            “You do that,” I replied. “And thanks for the ride.”