My Perfect Woman...

Number 11 in my 100 Things "memory".

 People tell me I'm crazy. They say I'm a freak, obsessed over a girl he could never have had in a million years. If only that were true... If only I could never have had her, then I wouldn't have to worry. I wouldnt have to remember that it's my fault she is dead and that it's my fault she might get back up and try and kill me real soon. She'll remember, I have no doubt about that. You see, once upon a time, I had the girl and maybe she even loved me, but you know how it goes...

Boy meets girl of his dreams, boy falls for girl, girl feels smothered and starts cheating, boy finds girl and lover together, boy kills them both.

 The bit that story always leaves off the end is that the boy feels so remorseful, he tries to bring her back from the dead. No harm, no foul, right? Well, it would have worked perfectly, and she never would have known if that damn postman hadn't pressed the doorbell at exactly the wrong moment. You see, she's not alive... Not really. Only half-alive to tell the truth. She wakes up, crawls out of the bed I have made her grave, and is, simply, alive... but not for long. Mere hours later her eyes go dead and she dies again, but not that peacefully. She relives her first death over... remembering at that moment that I have already killed her. She feels me stab her again and again, just like I did the first time.

 The problem is, now she is starting to remember earlier. She remembers before she is ready to lie down again for another week. What if she decides to call the police? I can't have a dead woman call the police! I can't have her telling them I've been killing her on an almost weekly basis for over a month now.

 I can't stand it, when she remembers and those beautiful blue eyes fall on me accusingly. I can't handle it when she tells me that I have already killed her. I can't stop myself... I can't keep my hands by my sides when those eyes look at me just so... I can't look at her when she looks at me like that... It's no wonder I've started putting them out when they do. When she cries and tells me I killed her, my hands itch to do it again.

 I've started carrying the knife with me... The knife I killed her with the first time.

She looks at me like that, and I put her eyes out... She tells me I killed her, and I do it again... She wakes up next week innocent of all evil goings on.

 I can hardly wait for the rustling of those sheets and the unlatching of that door, telling me she has risen again and is coming to me,

My Perfect Woman...

  My Innocent Victim...

   My Dead Girl.

Author's Note

*shrugs* I do know the formatting is similar to "I See", but it doesn't bother me that much yet.

Reviews

[PianoandPage]

interesting concept. actually i really love the twist on the story.

i like how the narrator literally has to to deal with the consequences of his action over and over again. how the fact that he is haunted changes him and takes violence born of passion into a new sort of twisted level... an expression of love.

i'm not sure what it is about your writing that seems off. i wish i could point to something and extract examples but it seems.... like it needs tightening up. maybe you are repeating stated facts "the knife i killed her with" too many times. it's not necessary. you are a vivid and dynamic storyteller... it waters down the suspense if we are being retold one part of the story.

otherwise this sparks with imagination and creepy goodness.