A solid oak tree

Wouldn't it be great to be a tree?

A solid oak tree

“A solid oak tree.”

“What? What kind of answer is that?”

“What, a tree. Like a proper one though. An oak tree or something respectable. You asked me what I wanted to be..”

“Like, as a job, I meant.”

“Explain to me what’s wrong with my answer.”

“Well for one you’re not a tree. You’re allegedly a full human being. Secondly, trees don’t actually DO anything...”

“Exactly. Think about all the other creatures, particularly all the people out there who are rushing around as lawyers, accountants, doctors, IT support, single mothers, there’s so much to do and no time, so much stress. Or wild animals, hunting or being hunted, desperately f*****g to keep their line going. You know what a tree has to do? Exist. A giant oak tree just exists. Seriously, come out and look at my neighbours garden with me. You’ll see..”

THEY HEAD OUTSIDE

“Ok, yeah that is a huge tree. Looks old. Are you really though, telling me that you’re jealous of a tree?”

“Sometimes.”

“But you can’t DO anything as a tree! What is there to enjoy?”

“Just peace man. The wind blowing through you, sun on your leaves and branches...”

“Alright weirdo, what about storms?”

“Rain man. Good for trees! Yum..presumably.”

“Fine have your boring dream. If you were a tree I’d be right there with a saw you know that? Then what, you annoying little man?”

“That right there, that’s the stress of being a human being talking. Not my ideal life.”

“Tsk.”

A BLACK AND WHITE CAT APPROACHES THEM, LIES ON ITS BACK IN THE SUN, PURRS

“What about cats then, there we go. This little guy does f**k all, plus gets food, love and attention. Not a fan?”

“This guy has good owners, sure. But a hard life, alley fights? Looks like he’s got a clawed ear. Plus who wants to live just fifteen years? That tree is older than 3 generations.”

“Again, forgetting that I was actually trying to talk about professions in the first place, I think that if you get to be a tree, I get to be a cat, don’t diss.”

“Not my problem. I’m sure trees and cats get on.”

“What even is this conversation? F**k sake man. I’m going to work. Enjoy your..whatever.”

“We compromise then?”

“Yeah sure, we compromise.”