Thoughts

For when you have thoughts you just can't escape.

Thoughts

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Nobody knows what I truly think,

I could like someone,

I could not,

No one may ever truly know.

I have thoughts.

Some are good,

And some are bad.

Though you may never truly know.

Things in my mind are stored inside.

My thoughts are my own.

Trapped within my head.

It feels wrong to speak them out loud.

These thoughts consume me.

It feels like there is no escape.

This feeling like you can’t do anything right.

Just because of your thoughts.

I know that keeping my thoughts to myself is bad.

I’ve never been taught otherwise.

I tend to be labeled as “quiet.”

Just because expressing my thoughts is bad.

The need for things to be perfect.

 It consumes me and just keeps building.

Until it overflows.

I don’t know what to think anymore.

Why did this happen?

Why won’t I do anything right?

I have things that I need to be done right.

My fear of failure is tormenting me.

I’ve expressed how I felt.

They wouldn’t listen to me.

I only made it worse.

I won’t let that happen again.

I’m going to give writing a try once again.

I hate having my thoughts stored on paper.

 For somebody else to read them.

They might send me back to that place again.

I think I’m doing well.

Until I can no longer focus on what’s important.

There are too many thoughts.

Dark thoughts.

The things that make me happy.

Are being stolen from me.

I don’t want that to happen again.

I have one last chance.

I want to try to write my thoughts.

It’s so hard.

I try,

And then I draw blank.

I don’t know what I should say.

Other people contribute to this.

People who should let me freely express myself.

But I don’t feel like I can.

Being forced to say what’s bothering me

That only makes it worse.

I don’t treat other people that way.

Shouldn’t I be treated the same?

I hate getting to my breaking point.

It means that if I cry, 

I’m told to stop.

And so I do.

Keeping everything inside hurts.

I’ve never learned any different.

It keeps me safe,

It protects me.

I’m trying something new.

Even though it feels wrong.

Maybe I’ll like it.

Maybe it will help me.

Maybe,

Just one day.

I will be able to express myself.

Without any thought.