Nineteen years of living has been nothing but full of surprises, laughter, tears, joy, madness, and so much more. I've experienced far more than what I've learned, because it is a daily routine. There are things that I'm not proud of because of my choices and decisions, and I've decided to move forward and never look back. I have learned that looking back is only when I'm finding myself deeply wounded. The heart has its own brain to think, while the brain has its own heart to decide for what is right. Words itself has create a foundation for my own stubbornness, while my actions speaks for my own feelings. The foundation that I am now walking and following for the right thing. I let my mouth think and my brain speak for my unworthiness fantasies, because that is all I can do. There are times when my tears are speaking for my own righteousness, and mistakenly taken for my madness. I chose the path where I find myself trying to decide if I should run away from what they call, "delaying gratification." The sacrifice that I made benefits the soul of those who matters to me, while the shadow of my wrongs are being reconsidered. Taking into consideration, that the love of my life are creeping inside my wrongs for their own satisfactory. The madness that is growing every day is finding traces of my features to express themselves, even when they're not showing. It will show by the actions of my own happiness and cause more trouble for those who are thinking the opposite. My own will, will get me in trouble or cost me my own death wish, it will be a haunted story of my own happiness. I have come to my senses that there are no other people like myself, because unlike me I am different. What I think good of myself doesn't have a chance into the mind of others, and what they think doesn't fit in mine. Throughout all these years, I've met people who cares and those who do but to only better themselves before me. I can no longer take the words of my own thoughts, because they are worse than the words of my own blood. From time to time, I let my ears see as if it were my eyes. I let my eyes listen as if it were my ears. I let my brain speak for me as if it were my mouth. I let my heart decide as if it were my brain. I let my smile answer the questions of my own stupidity. The negativity has become my own way of surviving when things aren't going well. My positivity has become the mother of my own happiness, while tears of joy has taken its course of believing and finding peace. I take the words of my blood to heart because it will forever remain in the presence of another generation. I let the Almighty be my driver for when I'm in despair, and my tears be the downfall of my victory. What I'll become is the curve of the question mark behind every question. I find peace within the dark room of my own safe haven as well as my own fear lingers behind the curtains of my own safety. My pride has taken its turns and tosses because they define both my physical and mental strength. I find it hard to believe that the only thing standing before me and my pride is the love of my unfortunate self. There are times when I can't find faults in myself because the memory of it is disregarded by my righteousness. I was told that I shouldn't be correcting my elders, but I was also told that I should speak for what is right. Both lessons has taught me to be humble in so many ways, and it has brought me out of the suffocation that I was in. I am the victim in my own case, but reality I'm both the lawyer and the judge. There are times when I drown myself into the feelings of others, while my own are finding its way to be felt in my soul. Aside from The Almighty, I find my own way of calming my feelings from escaping my mindless behavior. Music is my drug, poetry is my comfort zone, and volleyball is my medicine for distress.
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