Torn Whole

The only way I can try to explain how I function.

This is not a collective whole. This is not a functioning being. This is a vessel with a malleable mind and contemptuously analytical eyes of astonishment. It is as if this being is not a full being at all, but rather a mass of leftover misfit pieces sewn up in a pretty little anatomically correct body. The synapses are not connected quite right, and storm after storm rages as it attempts to function within the swirling deathly debris.

The whole is just an encasement for the chaos it contains within, as it upholds an image of a real being without feeling real itself. It has a sense of identity that the mind cannot identify with, compelling it to submit, allowing the mind to determine its ultimate presence. The problem with this, however, is that the mind can never process all that its power pertains to, forcing the whole to vacantly drift through the world, unsure if it can support the weight of its next step. The whole renders itself useless as it feels ostracized by the absence of the mind during the most paramount occasions. So instead, the whole is left nonexistent, as if trying to invite an unwelcoming and untimely downfall. It is well aware of the lenses the eyes view it through, and it is constantly destroyed by their influence on the mind.

The left eye is of a slightly deeper hue. It relentlessly examines every aspect of the whole before generously revealing its magnificent, baneful teeth and tearing it to f*****g pieces. It iniquitously glows over another victorious massacre each time. With the despiteful conclusions it has come to, the snide left eye feeds the hungry mind consistent commentary on the constant faults, flaws, and vices of the whole. This is the evidence it provides the mind with to support the claim that the whole is a failure of managing an ultimate and total existence. This cynicism is best exemplified in the loathsome left eye’s firm belief in never reaching inner peace as a whole.

The right eye is always moist; rimmed with puddles as it engages in feeling the senses of sorrow and shame. Its observations of the whole are considered deplorable wonders. Continuously, the questions unfold as it apathetically considers how the whole always becomes viciously absorbed in a detrimentally disorganized and disastrous level of destruction for the sake of martyrdom. It cannot understand why this irrational amount of effort must be put forth just so the whole can pass on to another heart-breaking day of grey clouds. This slightly more sympathetic eye can only hope the mind understands the constant battle the whole faces as it presents its case under the deafening left eye. The right eye is the anchor as it yearns for feeling whole rather than just being a whole.

The mind is susceptible to the voices liquored with poison, finding logic and reason in all the presented arguments. It carefully tries to find quiet to analyze all sides to determine how to produce a functioning whole. But too much chaotic confusion constitutes to a dysfunctional whole, and a whole with the inability to participate fully as the core vessel allows for the scrutinizing gaze of the eyes. The clouded mind never stops working at the grand attempt to keep the whole mentally and physically whole. This task is of no little importance as the bewildered whole is in a constant state of distress and the vigorous eyes obsessively record and review each step. The mind cannot keep a firm foot on the floor as it feels the shredding of the left eye, the sorrow of the right eye, and tries to encourage the whole to continue on.

Author's Note

What do you get out of this piece?

Reviews

[Allieburger]

Thank you so much.

[fireblossom]

What do I get out of this piece? A description of how you function. It is very clear. It represents good reporting. Descriptive, dissonant as you are and intelligent as you seem to be. I had fun exploring you. Well written.