This Love I Cannot Breathe

This is not a love story. I am not the damsel who found herself inside the rib-cage of a stoic and blank-faced man. This is an evolution. I was born into the expectations set for me but I am not a wounded animal caught in the entrapment of a society not ready for me. I cannot tell you how he set me on fire and I found life in the lines of his hands and the curve of his smile because this is not a love story. I cannot tell you how I found myself because I didn’t. I haven’t. And I won’t.

When I was younger I put my fist through a glass door and I promised myself that I would always hang from the hinges. I will forever be ajar, swinging, and staring at the ground praying that it can handle the weight of my everything. I am borne of what seems to be a thin line mixed of starvation and galaxies. The two do not balance and my blood boils the same exact way when he looks at me. The follicles of every hair on my body vibrates in the proximity of what I can only assume is cosmic satisfaction. But this is not a love story.  He has not saved me. He found me in the fetal position with my spine tingling and my bones vanishing but I cannot tell you how my breath caught in my throat. My heart wrapped itself around my lungs until I turned into the ocean but I cannot fight me. I didn’t. I haven’t. And I won’t.

When I thought years were just points on a map, I tried to punch the wind. After it blinded me and threw me into oncoming traffic, I realized that life is not governed by people. I cannot tell you how I grew into him like the roots of a tree. I cannot tell you how he swallowed me whole the way the sun touches everything. I am an open mouth and this is a love story. I am hanging by my tongue in a room of open doors and his arms too steady. His breathing too rhythmic. This is a love story because his touch, oh god his touch, has put a fist through my being and has carried me across the wind. I am not my expectations and the sky is in my blood. This evolution is in his footsteps and I know he cradles my everything.