On My Knees

Tormented fingers

clenched tightly in a fist

of condescending blues.

Maple leaves and acorns

strewn about the landscape,

and I, on my knees

reaching longingly and hopefully

for a past I’ve left behind.

Understanding and nurturing

those thoughts of ambiguity,

the reckoning of the present

resonates soundly within and

encores prevail from

future reverberations.

I continue to question,

while on my knees,

all that is worthy and good

and yes, even meaningful.

I often stand corrected,

like a blizzard’s whiteout,

however confused I get, and

you, always on my mind,

and again, you find me

floundering on my knees,

searching, groping, exploring

the world...on my knees,

trying to rise and be counted.

 While on my knees,

bloodied and wounded

from the heat and the pavement of life,

and the hardness and complexities of time

and the unyielding fact that

 I must remain on my knees forever,

if I am to survive another day.

 

 

 

Author's Note

copyright November 6, 2009

Reviews

[Julie Deshtor]

Dear Allen,

I just flew in from Vienna, so please forgive the delay in response.

The poem has a unique point of view to it, a humbleness that is refreshingly sincere. Your opening is especially strong:
"Tormented fingers
clenched tightly in a fist
of condescending blues.
Maple leaves and acorns
strewn about the landscape,
and I, on my knees
reaching".

The middle section flows nicely, maintaining the same sense of genuine emotion, underlined by the lyrical, thoughtful flow of the words. The following lines stood out especially, as unseal and beautiful:
"encores prevail from
future reverberations"
and
"I often stand corrected,
like a blizzard’s whiteout"
and
"bloodied and wounded
from the heat and the pavement of life" -
good imagery, evocative and detailed.

I'll dare to suggest cutting out some of the word that to me seem either overstated, a bit cliché or implied. Of course, this is your poem, and it is ultimately up to you whether or not to agree with my opinion:)

As follows:
"longingly and hopefully", "Understanding and nurturing", "I continue", "searching, groping, exploring the world...on my knees", and the "While on" in the lines "While on my knees, bloodied and wounded."
Like I said, those words, to me, seem to clutter the otherwise pristine flow of the piece.

Now, the ending...
Honestly (and I hope you do not take offense) I feel like it under-delivered on the power based on the expectation set by your brilliant opening. To me - the rhythm and the content sort of fizzled away into unexplained self-deprecation by the poem’s narrator. Again, there may be a theme there that I am missing, and if so I stand corrected. But you might want to at least re-word the last 3 lines for more crisp delivery and better impact.

Hope this helps.

[Liza]

i have felt this way; this piece has brought to light the understanding of our private submission to a higher power for support, release and comfort.

[Mark]

Allen,
This is the first of your work I have read (for which you may thank our mutual friend, Emma), but it shall not be the last! I was struck at how flexible the expression, "driven to my knees" can be. Foremost is it's usage depicting
near-defeat, but I prefer to admit my powerlessness BEFORE I am wholly conquered, and hit my knees in celebration of that admission. "Wholly conquered" was NOT an intentional pun, but it's certainly true, that if we could all be HOLY conquered, BEFORE the world conquers us, there might be more serenity, and less suicide. Knees, sore as they are most of the time now, are still a better place to perch than Babel's precipice!

[.]

a strong and poignant poem..we may be on our knees..but you have far less to fall..

[Tommy]

On the knees of mercy, I love the verses, “I often stand corrected, like a blizzard’s whiteout, however confused I get, and you always on my mind” This gives me the imagery of every time I try to move one I am left cold, lost and confused. I am still crawling, but at least there is movement…

Great Write!
RLG,
Tommy

[Magdelena]

All I can bring forth is a huge WOW!!! Your pen is indeed mighty and the images that flashed from this were outstanding.. I am in awe to be honest.. let me catch my breath and in the meantime this is a keeper.. To read on moments when I too am on knees and with knowledge knowing that I am not alone on such days as i always thought before.

[erikaguest]

Wow, I really just want to read this again and again. I wouldn't change a thing here, its a perfect read. Very very powerful :)

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Yes on our knees is where we find ourselves often and actually a wonderful place to be. I really like this one Allen :)

[Brad]

very heavy. full of hope against the odds...like a cap'n dan moment

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem. The strength and message of the poem is strong. I read the poem a few times. Create a vision of learning to understand life and the pain we must live with. A outstanding poem.
Coyote