Unknown Voyage

first published piece in college newspaper.

Set sail for an unknown voyage,

Deep, deep, deep within my mind.

A book without a written page.

An actor without the Broadway stage.

 

Drift, drift, drift, for thirty score.

Forget all life; forget mankind.

Delve, indagate, search and explore,

the coming of peace and the end of war.

 

Enter now, what will be the end.

Only the cruel are left behind.

Trapped in a world that will transcend,

With phonies and liars, too hard to mend.

 

We’ll set sail for that mystical place,

Where never a word is said unkind.

Gaze, gaze, gaze without a trace

Upon war and hate and pure disgrace.

 

To enter my mind, I will admit

Is like entering the sea totally blind.

Sink, sink, sink within the travelled pit.

No one knows how you will benefit.

 

Rest, rest, rest in that silken bed.

The trip you’re on is hard to define.

You’re aware of your trunk, your limbs, your head.

Not quite the voyage; my travelers...we're dead.

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

December 7, 1968 (19 years old)
First posted on April 19, 2011 and still, nary a peep. I wonder why that is.
90+ views...It's ok to comment, if it sucks too. That's how we improve...
writers??
I did tweak the last line..but I'm open to any and all suggestions.

Reviews

[Dhaye]

Wow! I like it. It's really wonderful and you had written it many years ago.

[Becky C Strukamp]

This is a wonderful poem Allen. I love the repeating of ( rest rest rest and drift drift drift), so fitting. As I read it a calm came over me, thoughts of what is unknown, and the echoing of my own minds eye. You deliver such brilliant and insightful poetry as well as stories. This is yet another great write from a poet and writer I admire.

[Rosalind Gale]

It is so lovely to have a 'peak' into your past. I too, have 'older' pieces that I tweak (he-he) - I loved the last line - in a way, it made it all complete, I knew where I had been through reading the poem - and where 'we' may all go, one day. Some journey - some voyage, it all fades, but not before 'life' has had some say, one hopes.
I hope all is grand with you Allen, I have been away from the Cafe for a while (as perhaps you have been, too)
Kind regards,
Rosa
-x-

[Muse]

Your words are always so full of beauty...the last line did throw me off...it went from a distant voyage/journey of life...to tunnel of light.."don't go into the light" lol...we are dead? It makes sense, and it does clarify the intent of your message, the passage of death is an unknown voyage, a mystery, so your the journey you write about would be a blind journey, surreal and open to interpretation. Over all this is clever and well done, thank you for sharing.

[Mockingbird]

these are wise words to impart to someone. i didn't see the last line coming. it changed the whole thing to macabre to me because we are asked to enter your mind. this coming from a dead man. i guess it's better to learn from someone who has come to the end of their journey and survived even in death to give counsel to the ones still on their path.
i know it's a metaphor.

[Shy Girl]

My friend…I sit here silent…stunned…devoid of breath,
A unique ability…a wonder in words…a view into death.

Never have I read such a sweet innocence before,
As our eternity stumbles through one’s crumbling door.

Always thinking, “This won’t be that, which closes my eyes”,
“Each morning with solemn purpose we do rise”.

Communication abounds for the trusting of souls,
An attitude spit forth, brings the mighty to fold.

My friend I sit reading your voyage of unknown death,
Reality stands…my reflection gasps…drawing its final breath.

This piece you have written is an enchanting journey indeed.
Wendy :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good old poem. I like the journey and how you ended the poem. Sometime we land on our feet or fall into the sea. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mark]

Well, Allen, I cannot imagine how this transcendental thinkpiece has avoided comment! Not only is is extraordinarily insightful for a twenty-something writer, but you employ some unique and sophisticated devices. The abaa rhyme scheme (albeit with a different "a" in each stanza) was well and consistently applied; I don't recollect having read that particular rhyme scheme before. And the thrice-repeated words in all stanzas but the third introduce an almost hypnotic element, as though you were striving to persuade the reader that that course of action was the right or the justified course.
Two quick questions, and one suggestion, if I may: What is "indagate"?, and, what is the significance of "thirty score"--600? Also, the solitary imperfect rhyme, in the second line of the fifth stanza, could be easily fixed by changing "hard to define" to "hard-defined", or simply, "hard to find".
All told, a well-executed and thoughtful piece. Good job!

[YouoweYoupay]

You took my hand. And I flew over oceans. Green and Blue. I heard kind words unsaid. My sight seeped beneath mists and horizons. I finally sank and died to wake up from the short dream you have written. Thank you for sharing such graceful, hope-soaked words. : ) Keep writing!

-youoweyoupay