my soul do take

walking on the wooded path..it's never too late

 

what a way to end a year

nothing in the way but cheer

but then a few... words of doubt

just to check my feelings out...

 

how could things become so wrong

left me loving here so long

those words of doubt were only me

learning how to be a we...

 

and now you’re gone, left for good

in my head... I thought you should

though my heart would disagree

and wish your eyes could really see...

 

the pain I suffer everyday

wishing you would come my way

holding hands and making love

God is watching from above...

 

walking on the rooted path

lying in our steamy bath

kissing lips that feel so fresh

in the room our bodies mesh...

 

my every thought... is of you

oneness turning into two

I cried this day about our fate

and pray dear lord it’s not too late...

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

written: December 7, 2010
photo: Edison & Ford's winter estates..Fort Myers, FL - February 11, 2010

Reviews

[Katie]

I enjoyed this poem. I think you did an excellent job making it rhyme, very few of the lines feel forced. In fact the only one that does is this one
"and now you’re gone, left for good
in my head... I thought you should"
Because It doesn't really make any sense to me grammatically, or otherwise.

you misuse '...'
It doesn't really make any sense in this line in particular:
"my every thought... is of you"
Or this one
"but then a few... words of doubt"

I am not quite sure why you have them in this poem at all, in fact. They don't add anything, and they mess with the pacing, and consequently the flow.

Aside from that, I enjoyed the poem. The topic matter was certainly easy to relate to, and you expressed your feelings incredibly well. Well done!

[Mark]

You have defended your frequent use of blank verse more times than I can count, but when I read the likes of this, I can only shake my head in wonder, that your every word is not rhymed! You have a positive gift for making the thoughts and feelings flow smoothly one into the next, weaving a medley...AND a melody!...that takes anyone who has an aching heart straight into your world. I confess, I do not like to work hard to ferret out the hidden messages in poems, and thus beautifully expressed, I do not have to!

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

A marvellous piece, the sense of a loved one and yearning aspect comes through really well, fine job as always, the crying etc :)

[....]

oh this is so moving and so embracing, I really enjoyed this write....xo

[Megan]

Doubt ruins everything, especially in relationships. Insecurity is something doubt feeds off of and the more we listen to that little pessimistic voice the worse we fall into our insecurities. It makes it hard to trust the one you love, it makes it hard to enjoy the relationship that your in and be thankful for what you have. It makes you push away the person that cares about you and put up walls around your heart. It makes you unreachable. Sorry haha I didn't mean to go off on a tangent there and I'm sure your poem isn't even about what I said above, but your mentioning of doubt in this poem really got to me. It's something I'm dealing with in my relationship and it's making it hard to accept the fact that he really loves me and things aren't going to just fall apart any minute. This was a very well written poem! I love the rhythm and how it's was so thought provoking for me! Thank you so much for posting this!! :)

[Rene Velez]

Nice poem, love and it's many wonders of ups and downs.

[Tasha]

Wonderfully penned. It was beautiful and passionate.
♥ Ta'Shandra

[Becky C Strukamp]

Beautifully penned. I enjoy your writing a lot.

[light and ashes]

A beautiful,passionate,and somber poem.