Missing Heart

This is my first attempt in this style (villanelle), thanks to Mark... I hope it works...

Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

We shared our youth on that first fateful day,

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

We traveled, tasted, and tried to be smart.

April has passed and cascaded to May.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

 

Trestled and leaf-like, we dared to restart.

All the good deeds and desires would stay.

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

Touches and kisses that dare to depart;                                  

will soon be alerted and find their way.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

 

Palpable landings and paths will rechart.           

Nothing can act like a miracle play.

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

Sculpted, molded, and painted fine art;

remembering moments beyond display.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

April 29, 2013
Photo: Siesta Key, Sarasota (January 20, 2013

Reviews

[K writes]

Hey love this write, love rhyming poetry...

[Allen Smuckler]

Thanks Kaykey... much appreciated... it was my first attempt at writing a villanelle...Not just rhyming but repeating 2 lines throughout...if you like rhyming, you should try this style on for size... ain't easy.

[K writes]

hmm, i may one day

[no tell writer]

This is just so lovely, loved your last stanza so much, this is awesome

[Allen Smuckler]

Thank you Katzie for taking the time to read and comment. My first Villanelle... with rhyming every 2nd line and repeating two lines throughout(not necessary to rhyme them, but I did)..

[Jared Payne]

I have just joined this site and I have to say, this was a great poem.
For some reason I'm drawn to the stanza where it says

Sculpted, molded, and painted fine art;
remembering moments beyond display.
Dreams of embraces are miles apart
I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

You did a really good job of capturing both spirit and emotion in the piece, it really allows the reader to sympathize and also connect with the poem

This one is definetley my favorite so far, keep up the great work!

[Allen Smuckler]

Thank you Jared. That's very kind of you to say and much appreciated.

[drcornelius]

I'm a newby to the site and this is my first review. Your poem caught my interest right away. Alternating the last line of each stanza between Dreams of ... and I promise... provides some nice variety. I wonder how it would work if the fourth stanza was moved up to the second position. The flow would then be "that first fateful day" then "dare to depart" then "dare to restart". As a fellow Sarasotan and song writer I will be following you on this site and maybe we can catch a coffee when i return to the southland in the fall.

[Emily]

I think this is a great example of a villanelle! It was well-put together and your word choice was excellent. Great write!

[stargirl23]

I love your word choice and use of repetition in this!

[Penelope Voljeti]

I really enjoyed this poem. One suggestion I would have is about the picture. It's lovely, but sometimes when the reader is greeted with a picture, it influences the way they read the poem, sometimes even more than the poem itself. It can become distracting in some ways. But the writing itself it lovely :)

[Allen Smuckler]

Thank you for your feedback and advice Penelope. You're 100% right about the photo and I get your point. I'm not sure I'll eliminate the photos entirely for my next book, but I will certainly be more selective. Sometimes I think they DO enhance a poem while other times they do in fact detract. Thanks for reading and commenting. It's been so long since I've read, posted and commented due to other projects, but I think I'll start up again.

[Lenah Mehzabin]

oW very nice ! really enjoyed it , well done !

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Your first time doing a love poem??


You did an amazing Job I love it
very beautiful and Romantic very
heartfelt good flow and easy to follow.


Simply Beautiful.

We traveled, tasted, and tried to be smart.

April has passed and cascaded to May.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart



Sculpted, molded, and painted fine art;

remembering moments beyond display.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.






Thank you for sharing. blessings. kindred poet

[Fran Marie]

Allen,this is a very smooth flowing beautiful piece of poetry, very well penned in the villanelle form, not the easiest form to write , but you did a great job with it....