Spilt Milk

The chapter is pretty self explanatory.

6/28/14
So there was a kid in my treatment center. His name was Caleb. He had some very major aspbergers', and at the time, I was not going down to the cafeteria, as I had a very big anxiety bomb that basically told me that there was a huge neon sign surrounding me every time I eat around people that just screams, quite literally, screams: "LOOK AT MY FAT!!!! IM SUCH A WORTHLESS FATASS!!!! AND IM JUST ADDING MORE GROSSNESS FOR YOU ALL TO LAUGH, MOCK, AND JEER AT!!!!!" With two giant neon yellow arrows pointing to my fleshiest parts that I hate so goddamn much.
So, as I said, I was just getting to the point where I can eat around just a few others that I am comfortable with around as well. I mean, the voice is still there---"LOOK, IM A USELESS PIECE OF FAT-F**K, AND IM EATING MORE!!! I CHEW SO LOUD, F**K, THEY'RE GONNA THINK YOU'RE SUCH A FATASS PIGLET!!! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT PIGGY, EAT SOME MORE!!!!!"---but I was strong enough (at least at that point) to fight with it in the boxing ring that is most times my mind, and, if not win, at least have enough strength to muffle their gob holes for just a little bit.
So there I was, with Caleb, myself, and Ryan.
Beautiful Ryan, whom you'll hear so much more on.
We were all eating, we might have even been enjoying, our meals, when Caleb made the comment that the plate trays look like the hats from the 'Whip It' music video.
Caleb then proceeded to place one upon his head and so the whole "whip it, whip it good" sequence, just as I was taking a big sip from my milk carton.
I was sitting across from Ryan.
Guess what....
Yeahp, it went ALL over Ryan! I felt SO bad, but at the same time, I couldn't stop spitting up.
"What th---Holy---Aww, Alleigh!" Came Ryan's voice. His eyes accusatory in my direction.
"I'm sorry!" I sputtered out. "I'm so sorry!"
Ryan did this little sigh, "Hmmhmm."
Ryan got up to go get a rag, while I sat there, semi chagrined for doing that to such a hot guy, and excited to tell everyone about it.
"Okay, pick up the trays and set them on the chairs." Said Ryan, for he had entered with a rag.
I scrambled to do so, my voice screaming at me even more in that moment---"YOU STUPID, WORTHLESS, IDIOTICLY DUMB PIECE OF S**T!!!! WHAT THE F**K WERE YOU THINKING??! HE'S HOT AND YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT, NOW HE'S NEVER GOING TO TALK OR LIKE YOU AGAIN, HOW COULD YOU F*****G DO THAT??! STUPID PIECE OF WORTHLESS LARD!!!!!"---but I managed to do it for him. He then hands me one rag to get the one side of the table, while he ventured forth to the other and began soaking up the milk.
"I'm really sorry.." I said, a question at the end of my useless words.
"It's okay," replied Ryan, "it was an accident. That's all there is to it." He smiled a slight, closed mouth smile.
"Okay, I said." Tight lip smiling back. I knew he was just saying that to get me to stop apologizing. Which, if I kept on with, I'd be given an apologizing ban, which I really didn't want.
They do that, you know, give you bans there.
A few of mine were:
Swearing.
Over-analyzing.
Negative Self Talk.
Basically, anything like that, a behavior that is too over used in the wrong way, they have you write it at the top of one of the small pages in a mini composition notebook that they give you, diving the page into two sides, and writing 'Submit' and 'resist', one on each side, and then of course the date at the beginning of every new entry.
With that, however, one would try to be vigilantly aware of when they gave into said ban, which ever one it happened to be, and mark a 'Submit' or a 'resist', depending on which one it happened to be.
And I didn't need anymore of that. As you saw, I had those above bans, plus more, and I didn't want to add anything else into that mix.
I excused myself back to my room at that point, wanting to hide my fatass for just one moment or two.

Author's Note

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