Chapter One: Adelaide

This is in Adelaide’s point of view

Senior year, when the college acceptance letters come flooding in; prom becomes more than just private whispers between friends; and graduation day, the day you make your parents proud, well, in my case parent�"
BEEP BEEP BEEP…
“Ade… Wilder… get up, first day of school!”
“Whatever,” he mumbled.
“K, mom,”
My eyes opened, but it took a second for my vision to become clear. I got up and walked to the bathroom, but it felt like an eternity. There were boxes as far as the eye could see, and I could barely at the moment, so I was clumsily stumbling into boxes. Since we had only been in the house for about a month, we haven’t quite finished unpacking. Which meant boxes everywhere I had finally reached the bathroom when Wilder ran in front of me out of nowhere.
“Wilder, you saw me walking to the bathroom!”
“But, I got here first, and you take too long anyways, and I don’t feel like being late today”
“We’re always late because of your ‘precious’ hair.”
“You’re just jealous because my hair looks better than yours.”
“Fine, you win. I’ll just wait...”
I had realized I wasn’t going to win this anytime soon, so I just let him have it. I’d rather wait, then be late to school...
“Finally, you’ve come to your senses.”
“You suck, just want to let you know.” I said as I rolled my eyes.
“Love you too sis.”
After a dreadful 30 minutes of ‘Which side should my hair fall?’, Wilder finally finished, and he looked the exact same as when he entered the bathroom. Once I got in, I turned on the water and splashed it on my face. The feeling of the cold water hit my face like a punch to the stomach. Looking in the mirror, knowing I won’t see him ever again caused a tear to form in the corner of my eye.
“What am I going to do without you dad?”
I waited for a reply, but knew I was never going to receive one. I looked at my watch and realized I had ten minutes to get ready. I ran to my room, running into a couple boxes on the way, and threw on the outfit I had laid out the night before. I looked presentable, but what do I care, what’s the point of school anyways…
“Ade… Wilder… time to go!”
“Ok mom. Wilder, are you almost ready?”
“Yeah, give me a sec.”
“Ok, I’ll meet you in the car.”
I ran down the stairs and grabbed an apple off the counter. I was about to leave through the back door when�"
“Did you really think you could make it passed me?”
“No, but I thought I could try.”
“Well, maybe next time�"”
Wilder walked down the stairs slowly, trying to make a grand entrance, but he looked like a fool.
“Really Wilder, we need to go.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“Love you guys! Have a great day!”
“Bye mom love you!”, Wilder and I replied.
We walked to the Jeep and hoped in, and of course I was driving. Do you think I would really let my brother drive? Not. Happening. We arrived at school, barely on time I must add, someone, Wilder, wanted to stop to get donuts… he really is a lot like dad.
(Flashback)
“Hey, what are your thoughts on getting donuts on the way to school?”
“Dad, I’ll be late if we do. You know the donut shop is at least thirty-minutes away, and it’s not even in the same direction as my school.”
“Adelaide, shut up. Let’s get donuts, dad!”
“Wilder, some of us like to actually get good grades, and to do that we need to be in class...” I said while crossing my arms.
“You haven’t missed a day of school all year. I think you’ll be fine...”
“Fine, but only this once...”
“That’s my girl.”

He rubbed me on the top of my head, messing up my hair, and then we drove off to Louis’ Donut Shoppe.
(End Flashback)
We got out of the car and walked into the school. I passed students walking with their friends to their first class, and I just kept looking for my class, alone. As I roamed the halls of this unfamiliar place, trying to find my class, I ran into someone�"
“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.”
I heard a voice. It was small and quiet. I looked down and saw a girl picking up her dropped books.
“Here, let me help.”
I bent down and started to help gather her books.
“Oh, thanks…”
The girl sounded as if she questioned herself as she spoke.
“Hey, I’m Ade. I’m new here.”
“Oh, hi. I’m Bethany.” She mumbled.
I looked down at my schedule and saw I was supposed to go to room 112, and I was near room 324.
“Hey, where is room 112?” I asked hoping, no praying, she would know.
“Umm, I am actually going there as well. You can walk with me if you want?”
“Ok, thanks.” I let out a sigh of relief.
I followed her to class and ended up sitting in the front, since I got to class late. After first period, I just followed around people who had the next period with me. The teachers were just introducing themselves and asking us about out summer, just more bring first day of school stuff. Then came lunch. I haven’t seen my brother all day, and still didn’t know anyone, besides a couple of the girls in the volleyball team, but they weren’t here. I then noticed a guy sitting in the corner of the cafeteria and decided to just go sit with him. I walked up to him and thought that I should probably introduce myself.
“Hey.” I mumbled nervously.
I glanced over to him and waited for a response anxiously.
“Hey.”
I decided to sit down and wait for him to get up and move, like in the movies, or tell me that the seat is taken, but he never did.
“So… I’m Adelaide.” Still confused as to whether it was ok if I sat down or not.
“New?”
“Hmm?”
I didn’t understand what he was asking. I glanced down at my lunch, then back up at him.
“Are you new?”
“Oh, is it that obvious?”
I was worried that I looked like a lost puppy in new territory.
“No, just haven’t seen you around…”
“Oh…”
I sat still and twiddled my thumbs contemplating what I should say next. I glanced over and could tell he played a sport. He had a sort of muscular build, so he probably worked out as well. He had his arms crossed, and had a more neutral facial expression, which told me he is distant. I looked at him, trying to uncover the hidden truths that may lie beneath the surface, until he met my gaze. He looked at me, half warning me to not try to discover anything further and then almost daring me to even try to figure him out.
DING DING DING...
Lunch was over, of course. I looked down at my lunch and realized I hadn’t eaten a thing. I looked back up to see if the guy was still there, but all I found was an empty seat. I realized I never got his name, and was hoping that I would run into him again. I strolled back to class and continued with the day. After a couple more “How was your summer?” and “I went to �"�"�"�" college.” the day had finally finished, and I was excited to go to practice. I sprinted to my locker dodging students left and right, then grabbed my stuff and headed to go change. Once if was changed, I walked around for a little while until I came to the conclusion that I’m lost. As I was searching for someone to help me, I saw, wait, what was her name? Ah yes, Bethany!
“Hey!” I said, hoping she remembers me.
“Hey.” She looked down at the ground.
“So, I’m a little lost… I have volleyball practice and I was looking for the gym, but never found it…” I bent over to try to regain eye contact, but failed.
“Oh, it’s down the hall, big doors on the left.”
“Oh, thank you so much! See you tomorrow!”
“Oh yes, you definitely will.”, she mumbled under her breath.
“What?”
“Nothing…”
I ran off and finally found the gym and the time flew by while we practiced. The girls on the team were pretty good, but there was only one other middle blocker, and she was sort of scary. As I was walking out a girl cornered me at the exit, and she looked like one of those mean girls on T.V, she had the platinum blonde hair, perfect sky-blue eyes and a tight cheerleader uniform on.
“Heeyyyy.” She said as she scanned me head to toe, almost as if she was sizing me up.
“Hello?” I looked at her confused, but decided to keep it friendly.
“So, I saw talking to Dante today at lunch?”
“Ah, so mystery boy has a name.”
I was pretty excited to find out his name, because now I can address him properly.
“What?” She said, not understanding what I meant.
“Never-mind.” I shook my head, realizing she probably doesn’t care.
“Ugh, whatever. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that you should be careful around him.”
“Ok… is that all?” I was hoping she would just leave already. I already didn’t like her.
“I suppose. Well anyways, see you at the pep-rally Friday!”
What did she mean be careful around him? Was he a player? After pondering that thought for too long, I decided to just ignore what she had said, her kind thrives off drama anyways.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I look down and realized I had twelve unread text messages from Wilder. I quickly realized I had forgotten to tell Wilder that I practice was going to run late today, but it looks as if he hitched a ride with some of the other football players. I started to walk down the halls, reading all the posters hung up with stuff like “Hang in there” and “Be kind to everyone”. I had finally reached the exit and I pushed against the silver handle, then only to be blinded by the sun. I felt the heat on my skin, but I knew I had to begin the search for where I parked or else I may never make it home. As I walked around the school I came across the practice soccer field. There were guys running back and forth, passing the ball, shooting, and blocking, but then I noticed number 13, Dante. I jogged across the street, and note that I’m still in my volleyball clothes, so I quickly tied my sweater around my waist. I sat down between two trees, so he hopefully couldn’t see me. I watched him play, and there was no doubt he was the best on the team. He ran so gracefully and dodged everything as if he already knew what they were going to do. He shot in the goal time and time again and each time the goalie quivered, afraid of what was to come, and he was right to be. I had been watching him for a good thirty minutes, unnoticed, until the ball was kicked in my direction and running behind it, was him. He saw me and our eyes met, the next thing I know this guy comes out of nowhere and hit him square in the chest. I don’t know why, but I immediately jumped up and ran to him. I was worried he was hurt, yet I barely knew him. As I was running, I could feel the air part, as the sea once did for Moses. I felt all the confused faces burn through my shirt, wondering who I am and why I was here, but I didn’t care. I just needed to know Dante was ok. Once I reached him, I dropped to my knees, and desperately gasped for air, because I don’t run very much, my endurance is only as good as it needs to be. His eyes-lids were glued shut, I felt my stomach drop, but I saw his chest rise and fall as he breathed, and I felt at ease knowing he was ok. After thinking for a while, I decided I should go get the nurse for help. I began to get up when I felt something grab my hand. I quickly turned my head to see what it was, only to find Dante sitting up and staring at me.
“Hey.” I said, hoping he doesn’t think I’m a stalker.
I looked him in the eyes, searching for any sign of pain, but he seemed okay.
“Hey.” He ran his fingers through his hair.
His voice sounded raspy, but that was because the wind was knocked out of him.
“Are you ok?”, I asked while biting my lip nervously.
“Yeah, just had the wind knocked out of me, needed a second to collect my breath.”
“Oh, well I’m happy you’re ok…” I looked at the ground, hoping he won’t mention me watching him.
“So, enjoy the practice game?”
I looked away quickly as I felt my face start to heat up with embarrassment.
“Umm…” I muttered, since that was all I could say at the moment.
“I saw you walk over to the trees near the beginning of the game.”
I looked back at him, confused as to why he never signaled me to go away.
“Oh, sorry. I had just gotten out of volleyball practice and�" “
“Don’t worry, it’s fine. I would watch me play too.” He let out a laugh.
I began to laugh and we just sort of looked at each other while we chuckled. He smiled then looked away. There we sat, with the sun on our backs and the breeze going through our hair, it felt like forever, yet lasted only a moment or so. He reached for the phone in my hand, then gently took my thumb and put in on the home button to unlock it. I stood there, not wanting to snatch my phone out of his hands but was curious to see what he was doing. He began to type something, but I hadn’t figured out what. Once he finished typing he placed the phone back in my hands. He ran his fingers through his hair once again, then turned around and walked back to practice. I stood there confused as to why he didn’t say anything but also curious to what he was typing. I went on my phone and saw that I had a text. I pressed the messages app and noticed that the first conversation was one with: Dante. I was about to text him back, when I received a call from my mom.
“Hey, what’s up?” I was hoping she wasn’t mad at me for being late.
“Just wondering where you are…” She sounded annoyed but also concerned.
I looked up at the time and saw it was already seven o’clock.
“Oh, I’m sorry practice ran late, then I got distracted. I’m on my way home now.”
“Ok, see you soon sweetie.”
I ran to the parking lot and found my Jeep within a matter of seconds. I hoped in and began the drive home. Since we have only lived in California for about a month, I was still learning my way around the place, but I knew how to get home thankfully. As I passed the palm trees and many buildings I remembered in New York where all the people would stand on the sidewalks calling for taxis, and the busyness of all the shops. Especially how my dad always said to leave at least an hour and a half earlier if you have somewhere important to be. The traffic in New York was crazy, but I guess here wasn’t any different. I finally got home, and it was about twenty minutes past seven, so I made pretty good timing. I walked in the door and threw my keys on the counter, they made a clink once they hit the cobblestone countertops. I strolled over to the fridge to see what was to become my dinner, when I noticed a note on the outside, it said:
“Hey, me and Wilder decided to go out to eat. We were going to wait for you, but Wilder said he was starving. Anyways, see you when we get home. Love you!”
I wish they had waited a tad longer, because I must have just missed them, but oh well. I scrummaged through the fridge until I found my left-over Chicken Salad Sandwich from last night. I grabbed the to-go box and headed up the stairs. Since it was the first day of school I didn’t have much homework, thankfully. I did the four Calculus problems I had left over from classwork and finished them quickly. I read over all the class syllabuses, which surprisingly took quite a while. Once I finished it was 8:30, so I decided I should hop in the shower. I let the warm water flow over my body as I just stood there. I thought about today and ho I totally embarrassed myself in front of Dante, yet he still gave me his number. I smiled, then hoped out of the shower. I slipped into my pjs, which was just an old T-shirt and a pair of shorts. I walked to my room, and sat at my desk. After today, and all the stuff that happened, I decided to go to bed early. I jumped into my bed and felt the mattress sink under me. The blanket covered me, and I felt warm, safe and at peace. I slowly drifted off into a deep sleep…
I shot straight up when I heard a sudden noise coming from the hallway. I got out of bed, ready to yell at Wilder for running into the boxes and waking me up again. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw a hooded figure standing in my doorway,
“Wilder, that isn’t funny…”
The thing just stood there, not moving a muscle.
“Wilder, cut it out. It’s dark and we need to get some sleep.”
I realized it wasn’t Wilder and started to panic, I didn’t know what to do. The figure began to walk towards me. As it got closer I could make out the face, but it was one I did not recognize. The eyes, they looked empty, as if they were being controlled by some outside force. I plead for them to let me go, but they didn’t seem fazed by it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get around the figure, so I ran toward my bed and reached for the baseball bat I keep right next to me, but before I could grab it the figure had pinned me down to the bed. I kicked and tried to scream for help, but all I got was a piece of duct tape over my mouth. I tried to get my legs free, but the figure was stronger than me, I couldn’t move. I was stuck there under the mercy of the hooded figure. I saw them reach for something in their pocket, it looked long and cylinder shaped. As they brought it toward me, I realized it was a needle. I tried to move, because I knew whatever was in this needle, was not going to help me. I tried to wriggle free, but then all the sudden I felt a prick on my neck and the room started to spin around me then all I saw was black.

Author's Note

This is my first chapter! Feel free to leave feedback!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful chapter dear friend. I liked the set-up of the story and the interesting characters. I will keep reading my friend.
Coyote

[JayG]

Take a deep breath, this may sting a bit 🤪
You're presenting a transcription of yourself telling the story aloud. Have the computer read it aloud to hear what the reader "hears" as they read. It's not when you hear, because you hear your own voice as a storyteller, all filled with emotion. You "see" the performance, the gestures, expression changes, and body language. So for you, it works. But you cheat, because as you read you know who the characters are, what's going on, where they are in time and space, and why it matters. Knowing that, AND having intent for how it should be heard, you place emotion into the narator's voice that the reader, who knows none of that, can't.

Next: You're presenting a chronicle of events, acting as a camera viewing the film version of the story. That works for you because you begin reading knowing what's going on. But why do I want to read about someone getting up and getting dressed in the morning? That's detail, not story.

Does a reader care that she had to wait to get in the bathroom? Would the story change were she to get there first? No. Does knowing that she misses her father—when w don't know if it's because he's dead, divorced, or just not there that day—tell me something useful or entertaining? No. It's detail, not story. Story isn't what happens. It's what matters TO HER enough to react to, in the moment she calls now.

When you say, "We got out of the car and walked into the school. I passed students walking with their friends to their first class," why does it matter enough that a reader must plow through those words? Isn't that what everyone does, every day, at school? As the great Ernest Hemingway said, "Never confuse movement with action."

Look at every line and ask yourself: Does this line develop character, meaningfully? Does it set the scene in a necessary way? Does it move the plot? Any line that doesn't do one of those three needs to be cut because it's irrelevant to the story.

Here's the thing: you're not doing anything "wrong." And the problems I mentioned are not a matter of good or bad writing. Nor are they related to your talent or potential. The problem is that lacking the tricks of fiction-writing, which aren't given to us in our school days (they give us nonfiction skills to prepare us for employment) you're using the skills of verbal storytelling, which are performance skills that cannot work when the audience can neither see or hear us. And, it's a problem you share with pretty much every hopeful writer because our teachers, having learned to write in those same classrooms, suffer from the same problem. So who's to tell us?

The good news? What I'm talking about is the learned part of writing. And if you were born to be a writer the learning will be like going backstage at the theater—fun, in other words.

So spend some time in the fiction-writing section of the local library. It's a great resource. for an overview of how much there is that must be learned, take a look at the writing articles in my blog. They were written with the hopeful writer in mind.

But whatever you do, don't be discouraged. Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[AllauraRose]

Thanks for the feedback, and I understand what you are saying and there are somethings I could and should change. I appreciate you taking the time to write this. Thanks again!