A minor flaw

Hope you like it! Just felt like writing this.

When your sub-conscience knows something you try to push away.

A feeling that is inside of you, only a small flame,

but starts growing into a wildfire you can barely contain.

If it isn't put out, it can ruin your name.

  

When you realize the unwanted, you try to hide,

running from your feelings inside,

lying to yourself, hoping you'll believe it.

 

In moments you think about the possibility,

but then it sends you into a spiral of inadmissibility.

Not accepting the hard evidence you've seen in the past,

just trying to look through it, and make it an outcast.

Author's Note

Feel free to leave feedback!

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

thanks for entering my real me poetry competition, im judging this weekend, thanks for this wonderful piece

[AllauraRose]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

When you realize the unwanted, you try to hide
Running from your feelings inside
Lying to yourself, hoping you'll believe it"

These sentences are so strong and powerful.
I felt like when it said, when you have a feeling as small as a flame, and it grows, I felt like that was so true. Most emotions that we have start out small. If you don't have a way to express that little flame, it will soon become a roaring fire.
I could really feel the emotion radiating through your words.
It was so incredible!
Keep up the amazing work!

Your friend,

C. Lee Battaglia

[AllauraRose]

Thanks you so much! Yeah, that was the point I was trying to get across.

[B-poet]

This was a very unique and intriguing prose poem to read. Using the fire visualization in the first stanza was nice and clever, but what really got my attention was how the outline of your poem was shaped like a hourglass, meaning a lot can happen in a short amount of time if you take your eyes off the sands of time. I use this technique sometimes in my own work as well. It's like seeing a worded picture come to life on the page you've written. Great work, AllauraRose. A splendid and clever read. :)

[AllauraRose]

Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

[H L Rose]

This is quite interesting! It is very elusive which makes it difficult to pin down the exact meaning, but perhaps that’s what you were going for!

I, for one, was able to derive a relatable theme for myself about an uncertainty one finds themselves gnawing on. Experiences have already given an answer but there’s a refusal to give in to such clarity. What if it’s different this time?

I like how you keep the fire illustration up throughout the first stanza. The connection between line 2 and 3 seems to be a bit confusing to me. I’ve been trying to fix punctuation in my own writing(because I’m so bad at grammar😬), and I think using more punctuation helps to get the point across clearer. I think you have a beautiful illustration here.

I like your use of elusive terms like “the unwanted” in the second stanza. It gives the reader a lot of room to analyze. I think this stanza comes across very clearly at the same time. It conveys important elements of the theme that really contribute to the sentiment of the poem as a whole. “Lying to yourself, hoping you’ll believe it” seems like an important line to the main idea of the poem.

We see more elusiveness in the third stanza with “the possibility”. This really makes the reader think about the intent of the poem. You force the reader to think even deeper with “almost victimless crime”, “almost” being an important word. I think this stanza is very effective in an aim to make the reader think.

Overall, I enjoyed analyzing this and I think if you add some punctuation, the overall idea will come across beautifully!

[AllauraRose]

Thank you so much!! I will look into adding more punctuation! Thanks for the review!

[H L Rose]

of course!