One Wish

How can you claim perception when you wallow in denial?

Our first storm to weather came the night of the constant falling snow
That night when the wind screamed through the night and my soul
When I felt my heart stop not from pleasure but dread
Where I collapsed on the bed
waiting for you to melt away
To disappear and become a part of my yesterdays
Oh how I hoped that when I woke you’d be a nightmare fragment, shivery and then gone
That this whole thing would be something that was already done.
And I really wish that I could mean it when I whisper I love you to get you to shut up
Or that I believed that you knew how you’re off handed caresses really cut
And how I wish that you were there when I needed you instead controlling some fantasy farm
When you’re neglect is the one thing that causes me the most harm
And how I wish that I could be funny enough for you to laugh
Or smart enough to make you gasp
And how I wish that I could be pretty enough for you to mean it
Or even real enough that I was no longer convenient
How I wish I could get you to see and scream
Reach out to me and make scene
and how I wish that when you look at me its not the clay but the finished model of past trials
and how I wish I knew how to make good bye sound more final
And what is it that you wish because lately I don’t even know how to ask
When does this stop slicing at me and becomes part of my oft relived past?
When do the fines stop piling up, and the tolls go away, and I stop paying the fees
And why is it that this is the way it is and not the way it should never be
How are you so sure that you’re the right one?
And how can we fix it if only one of us sees the damage been done
And I’m really tired of what lays in the gap of what we once had, the pretend game of you love, I fake
May I please just be alone instead of lonely listening to you breathe my air in my house while laying in my bed that I keep forgetting to make
Please. Could you just leave and let me be?

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

What a dramatic flow and form, with story and poem melting together. There is that deep longing to know and that sense of distance that too often causes two to drift apart. Powerfully done. Seems to give us a glimpse of so much more to come.

[solo2be]

Amazing write, I love the emotion in this poem.