Tonight

What would you do for love?

For you I play the s**t while pretending to be a goddess
while your wavering displays of affection startle me into deep thought.
Tonight you told me I was beautiful and I nearly died.
Pleasure coursed through me as we became apart of something cosmic
and I took flight, soaring in a dizzying array of sights and smells.

Tinted windows cover our thrustful conversation as bodies speak in tongues;
echoes of past topics re emerge over and over, deeper and harsher.
Tonight you left me alone, in my bed all alone and I nearly died.
Convenient guilt pushes me over the edge, breaking into me shards,
breaking me into something I don’t recognize in the mirror.

I used to think I was delicate and transparent in my needs-
wanting more than the stars and sighs, wanting it all!
Tonight you walked towards me only backwards and I nearly died
Rage at my own flaws, at your circular manipulations at Fate.
And I nearly choked on the bitter words that tried to escape.

You slowly kill me with honeyed poison, stabbing me with gently absent caresses;
making me bleed where you touch me, make me nauseous when you speak.
Tonight you kissed me with passion of a lover and I nearly died.
Kissed me as if I were air, as if I were life, as if I were yours-
And I enjoyed you enjoying me while I hid great secrets with my eyes.

I’d give my life for yours, my everything for your anything
but you never want to hold my hand unless you’re stumbling.
Tonight you broke your only promise to yourself, and I nearly died.
I tried to pull away before we both drowned in regret
and when the sympathy was holding us down, I ran into the deep dark, alone

When the night air is broken by afterthoughts, one can only pray for the sunrise;
but you will be blinded if you stare into the face of greatness to long.
Tonight nothing mattered more than everything else, and I nearly died.
I smiled down at you, while you undulated in mock protest.
And your sighs of moaning glory were sweetly bitter in their shortness.

The past is only worth remembering yesterday, the future only worth worrying about tomorrow.
                    You could be the One. The Last. The Only.
                        If you could just see past
                                  Tonight.