Letters to Her

A Poem by Aliyah

Tell her

“Tell her you love her before it is too late. Last night you cried for hours until your throat was raw and all you could do was dry heave stomach acid and last night’s leftovers until you passed out into a drunk stupor. She makes the sun rise and the moon move for you. She makes your heart both melt and sing. Tell her you love her before it’s too late and she walks out the door”

I told her

“I told her I loved her. Poured my heart and soul into it. I told her I cried last night until I fell asleep gripping my chest, like holding it could ease the pain. I told her how fucked up I am and that I promise her I would change, that I could do better. I told her that I would move mountains for her. That she was my night and day. I told her I could see the sun and the moon in her eyes because she was my entire universe. I told her all that and she still left. She walked out the door and slammed it shut. I told her and she continued to pack those bags of hers. Her clothes folded neatly, they fit perfectly inside her suitcase”.

- I never loved you

Today

“Today you crossed my mind again. I was doing the dishes and the thought of you hit home. I could feel the tears build up in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. My throat burned as if I spent the day gargling glass. I think of your eyes, how they seemed so distant to the world. Those lips of yours and how bad I wanted to taste them. I think of you too much, maybe more than I should. You consume my entire thought process. I don’t know what I am more in love with, you or our memories?”

Selfish

“Maybe this is selfish but I don’t want you to forget me. I want to linger in your memory. I want you to remember me when you’re driving with your new girlfriend in the passenger seat. I want you to wish I was there because she’s not singing or taking pictures with you. I want you too think of me when you finally sit down to have a home-cooked meal instead of fast food or take out. I want you to think of me every time it rains. Every time you choose water over soda and coffee. I want you to think of me when you trace her unfamiliar body wishing it was mine. The feel of her lower back makes you cringe because my birthmark isn’t there. But maybe I am asking for too much”