Devon's Devotion

Devon feels like giving up on his marriage. Will he find strength and hope to stay?

Devon's Devotion

A Short Story

By Alison Lawrence

"White or brown bread?" Asked Devon for the second time. When he got no response, he turned back to the counter. If she didn't want brown, too bad. He'd tried. The kids were hungry, so he made a pile of sandwiches to toast. "Almost done." He smiled at four year old Lexi. Kai, who was two, sat in his high chair and drank from his sippy cup. "Daddy, don't forget 'mato sauce." Reminded Lexi. 

"I won't sweetie. Daddy likes it too." Devon wished that Gina would get her act together. The kids needed more of her time and cooking. But for what seemed like forever, he'd been feeling like a single Dad. He did most of the lifting to and from daycare, put in his hours at the office and did the lion's share of the cooking and childcare.

"Supper," Devon placed a plate of sandwiches on Gina's lap. She looked up from her phone for only a second. "Thanks." She was back to her incessant scrolling and commenting straight away. He sat at the table with the children, bowed his head and said grace. He was determined to give them a good foundation, with or without Gina's help. He read them a Bible story most nights, and they were learning to pray.

"How was work?"He tried again. Gina heard him this time, but just shrugged her shoulders and pulled a face. Devon gave up and talked with Lexi and Kai instead.

***

He breathed a sigh of relief when Gina took the kids off to bath and get ready for bed. He just prayed she would give them her undivided attention for a few minutes. Dishes done, he relaxed on the couch and waited for the kids. He pulled out his phone and went to the Bible App. He was doing a Bible study on marriage. He only wished he could persuade Gina to read it too: only problem was, she claimed to have no time for God or religion as she put it. Devon knew that the best thing he could do for Gina was to pray for her. And to love her. With God's help, he was doing everything he could, but sometimes he wondered how long he could keep it up.

***

At 9pm, he found Gina sitting up in bed with her constant companion. Even without makeup, she was the prettiest woman in the city. He wouldn't bother telling her though: Gina was never satisfied. He guessed that's what happened when you spent so much time playing the comparison game. He'd played too, before he'd given his life to Christ, and it had made him miserable.

"Can we talk?" Devon stroked a glossy wave that partially obscured Gina's face. A look of annoyance sharpened her features.

"Dev, I'm tired. And what's the point? You're never happy with me. You just want me to change, and that's not going to happen. I'm the same girl you married, Dev. It's you that's changed."

Devon stifled the quick wave of anger that rose in his heart. "I won't deny I've changed Gina; but I hope you'll see it's for the better. I can't force you to do anything. I just wanted to say that I miss you. The kids miss you."

"That's stupid. I'm always here." Gina stabbed at the like icon under a post.

Devon looked at her phone pointedly. "No you're not. Not really."

She didn't reply. Devon knew what was coming: the silent treatment. Gina just wasn't willing to admit she had a problem. It was going to be a lonely and chilly night.

***

Devon loved Sundays: he got to learn about God's Word and fellowship with other Christians. He got to take Lexi and Kai and recharge his battery for the week ahead. There was a flip side though: naturally, Gina refused to go. She was happy to sleep in or catch up on Netflix, and he made a handy babysitter. He'd given up asking her to join them. Doing so normally led to a fight, or at the very least a cold atmosphere. Most Sundays he had to battle feelings of loneliness and frustration, and it wasn't easy watching other couples sitting together and even holding hands with their children beside them. "Oh Lord." Often, that was all he could pray. Jesus knew how much his heart was hurting but some days Devon felt like giving up.

***

The weeks and months went by, but things stayed the same. Devon was seriously considering a separation. What was the point of him and Gina staying together? He'd tried everything: he loved and served her. He tried hard to be a good husband. But nothing worked. He prayed, he read his Bible and he spoke to the pastor, but he couldn't get peace about leaving Gina. Did God want him to stay? Exhausted, he gave up fighting and handed the whole mess over to God. One thing he knew: he couldn't change Gina. God could though. And Devon was going to trust God for a miracle. He was going to stay. And God would be enough. Even if Gina never changed, God would be enough.

***

Devon thought he had entered a neighbour's house. He hadn't smelled such tantalizing aromas from his kitchen for months. Carrying Kai in his arms, he entered quietly. Gina was sautéing something mouthwatering and a dish on the counter looked like pudding. Her phone was nowhere to be seen.

"It smells wonderful." He said simply. Gina smiled at him. The smile reached her eyes and said I love you. Then she held out her arms to Kai. She held him on one hip and kept stirring. "Do you want a taste, Lexi? It's your favorite. Neapolitan sauce."

"Ooh, yum. Yes please Mommy." Lexi's face had lit up, and Devon found himself grinning too.

***

Gina stayed off her phone all through supper. She helped Devon put the kids to bed and read two bedtime stories. Only once they were tucked in, and after she'd made coffee, did she reach for her phone. Devon watched her as he sipped his coffee. He felt no resentment. "I love you, Gina." He wondered whether he'd need to repeat himself as he usually did. He didn't. She lifted her head and her eyes sought his. He took her in his arms then. This time, all resentment was gone as he spoke for a second time. "I love you."

"I love you too. So much." Gina smiled and her eyes locked on his.

Devon held her close, and thanked God in his heart. He didn't know what the future held, but he knew one thing: God had placed an eternity of love in his heart for his precious wife.

***

Author's Note

Reviews welcome