II: Losses

Find out about earlier life of the main character.

7:00 am. The sound of alarm wakes me up. Another day, another struggle. Today will be a long day. My morning routine never changes. Once again, I choose my clothes. Today I’m wearing a plain black t-shirt, black jeans ripped on the knees and a summer jacket. Before leaving my room, I look in the mirror. I look just the same as yesterday, or a day before yesterday, or a year back. A bit curly dark brown hair, dark eyes with an empty look, bushy eyebrows, sharp jawline. I always knew that I am a good-looking guy, no one could say otherwise. Maybe a wasn’t a model type, but earlier I was one of the most popular and handsome guys at school. I knew girls were talking about me, trying to get my attention but I never really cared about that. I wasn’t on school’s football team but I used to hang out with those guys. I never liked football. I really would like to join a basketball team, mostly because of my height. I am 197 cm. And that’s another reason why almost every girl in this school wanted to be with me. It’s funny, how looks don’t matter when you behave like a depressed drug addict. My appearance never changed, but when I stopped hanging out with guys, attending parties and football games and going out everyone lost interest in me.

I leave my room and go downstairs. Everyone is still sleeping. I grab my lunch from the fridge, put on my shoes and go to school. Today I’m walking.

Today we have biology in another classroom and I can’t seem to find it. I can’t even ask anyone. You see, I don’t really have friends. Any friends. All my old friends disappeared when I changed and new ones just didn’t appear. Well, I never tried to get any new friends. I am fine on my own.

Walking down the hall, I notice a girl in a bright blue blouse. She is the only one who catches my eye every time. And every time she has something of that blue color on her. Earlier she used to wear a necklace with a bright blue stone in it. But she took it off and never worn it again since we broke up. I wouldn’t even call it a breakup. She just left and I didn’t go after her. She was the one who stayed with me the longest after the dark change. She would come to my house every day after school, tell me about her day, try to get something out of me. But I just laid there and didn’t pay any attention to her. Sometimes I would look at her for a second or two and she would stare at me with her deep blue eyes. She wasn’t the prettiest girl in school, she wasn’t even among popular girls. But she was most gorgeous, most amazing person to me. We met in the amusement park two years ago. She was there with her best friend Emma. When I saw her I just couldn’t move. That was the first time when something like that happened to me. So, I just walked up to her and asked her number. Nothing interesting, but that how everything started. I loved her more than myself and she loved me the same. A lot of people would ask me, why I picked her from all the girls in this school. Even she would sometimes ask me “Why me?”. And I just couldn’t answer, I just fell in love with her. Those blue eyes, short light hair. I loved everything about her. Her smile, her laugh, how she talked. I adored her. But one day when she was at my house, telling me about her trip to Italy, I just looked at her and asked why is she still there. She stopped talking. She stared at me for about 5 minutes without telling anything, her eyes filled with tears. “Tell me if I should leave, tell me this isn’t going anywhere.” I just looked at her and didn’t say a word. She got up, took her bag and left. And she never came to me again. Now she doesn’t even greet me at the school. I don’t know if I miss her but sometimes I think about her, about how I behaved.

When the school ended I went straight home. I don’t have anything to do anyway.

When I got home, my sister was already there. She was standing in my room, looking at my old paintings. She is 4 years younger than me but sometimes I feel like she is a lot older than me. She noticed me. “Hey, brother. Why did you stop drawing?”. I tried explaining to her why several times but she never really understood so I just said that I don’t like my art. She nodded and sat down on my bed. “Sometimes I feel like you don’t want to talk to me. You became so distant. Do you remember how we used to go out together?”. I sat down next to her and we talked for half an hour. Then she stood up and left my room without saying anything. I was alone. I am not living, I am existing and my existence has nothing of value in it. But soon it will change, very soon. 

Author's Note

would really love to get any reviews :)

Reviews

[MadisonJR]

You should write more of this. I love this story!

[Alisoide]

thank you :)