I: Every day

Meet the main character, find out about his feelings and his everyday life.

The smell of coffee and morning talks. I can hear my mom talking to my sister. That means I am awake. That means I am alive, still. Every day I go to sleep with only one wish: to not wake up and yet, here I am, breathing and thinking. Every day I make myself get up from the bed and just live. I put on the mask of joy so my mom doesn’t have a reason to ask what is wrong. Pretend that I am so happy to be where I am. My sister doesn’t know how I feel either. It would be too complicated for her to understand as she is the most positive and cheerful person I have ever met. And even though I consider her a good friend I don’t feel comfortable telling her what is going on in my head.

So, once again, I woke up. Today is Tuesday so I don’t need to be in school until 11 am. That means I have some time for myself. After I shower I need to decide what to wear today. My mom buys me so many clothes that my closet will explode soon. I guess that’s because she is too obsessed with fashion herself. But I don’t mind, that’s nice, when you have a choice, at least in such a small thing as clothes. “Don’t follow me, I’m lost too” is written on the sweatshirt that I decide to put on today. My favorite black jeans will go perfectly with it. With a smile on my face, I leave the room and go downstairs to eat breakfast. Mom asked me how I slept and other regular questions. She offered to give me a ride to school but I declined. I’d rather take my longboard and go there myself. It’s not that far away. I finish the breakfast, put on my shoes and go outside. My headphones broke yesterday, so today I can’t listen to music while I skate. 20 minutes of surrounding sounds, the sounds of life.

I begin to think how boring my life is. I do nothing in my free time, except for skating. I used to go swimming, I used to draw and write music. I even had written several guitar songs. I even played them at the parties I used to attend. Yeah, those were the good times. I don’t know what changed in me. I don’t know why I became so “depressed”. One day I just woke up without a will to go to the pool. Then, gradually, I forgot about the paint brushes and pens. I haven’t touched a piece of paper in my room for about 3 years now. I stopped going to parties and after some time the only question stayed in my head. “Why am I alive?”. I still can’t answer that. I don’t know if I even will. But it’s time to stop thinking about all of that as I can see the school.  My first class today is math, which is my favorite class in school. I always loved math, I was always good at it. I think passion for math is the only passion that stayed with me after the “dark change”, how I like to call it.

I sit down at my desk and there goes the bell. I see the teacher walk in, he is holding our tests. “And once again, Collin is the only person in the class to score 100%”. Everyone looks at me. I don’t understand why they are so surprised. Every time. I don’t think I had a lower score since 7^th grade. All those numbers, parabolas, equations, graphics, they just make my heart pound. I don’t want to look at anyone in my group, so I just stare at the desk. Our lesson continues.

Next is poetry, then it’s English. Nothing interesting ever happens during those two, so I won’t even bother talking about them.

The last bell rings, I go outside. I have nowhere to go except home. I look around, everyone is smiling and laughing, they make plans and discuss latest gossips. Once I was like that too. And now every day of my life looks the same. Nothing changes. I became invisible. 

Author's Note

waiting for reviews :)