Wish

Wish upon a shooting star before it fades away, but
Do not rely on it.
Wishing is nothing more than dreaming,
An illusion that will never come.
Do not be discouraged.

We have hands that can conquer
That can cure, relieve, create and
Destroy.
It is our destiny to choose what we do with them.
No one else's.

Even when it seems as if belief does not work,
Have faith, my child.
We have endured so much, and
We will be able to overcome this obstacle.
No need of a sun to light the way.

Our future is in our ability of following our own hearts.

Author's Note

Please critic.

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

OK, SM, here's some critique. The overall feel of the poem is good. It's a poem about positive outlooks and that's so very needed in the modern poetic world, which is filled to the brim with the "Feel-Sorry-For-Me-Emo-Crap." However, I might suggest breaking away from the Hallmark greeting card syndrome, and concentrate more on putting forth some substantialness into your work. If you gave it some real effort and put some serious thought into the stanzas, then the work may end up being much better.

I don't want you to misunderstand me, SM. I think you have the obvious potential to write free-flow extremely well. You apparently have the talent for eloquence that others seem to lack. But, free-flow is about placing so much emotional involvement into each line; each word; each syllable, that an entire story could be told from the first word to the last in each sentence. I think the best way to do this is to write a rough draft of the poem, and then fine-tooth comb over the piece afterward. You'll still have the essence of what you wanted to write, but it will have the ability to bring tears to the reader's eyes, even if you're writing about the positive side of life.

You have obvious talent, so if I can help you in any way, please message me and I'll be more than happy to help you as best I can.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

This is a good piece, the sentiment I am looking for is in this poem, Because Of your entry in the contest I'm hosting, I don't want to critique. It's well crafted and can hold it's on in this contest. Thanks for entering and good luck.

[Hedra Helix]

wow 3 for 3.

Okay ill read it again per your request and try. Fist read through though I completely tapped into it.

Wish upon a shooting star before it fades away, but
Do not rely on it.
Wishing is nothing more than dreaming,
An illusion that will never come.
Do not be discouraged.

[Dirtybird77]

I enjoyed your poem. It was very interesting and conveyed a powerful yet simple theme. Keep up the good work.

[holly]

Your writing is far better than mine was at sixteen. I've read all your work on WC and see that you have real talent. Reading your poems is a delight - knowing that the desire to spiritually renew this tired world is just as strong now as it was 40 years ago lifts my heart. Thank you for that.