Purpose

Read till the end. The tone somewhat shifts and the idea develops into something new than what it was in the beginning.

Stop yellin', I'm only tryin' to help when, you're feelin' like death nd', you're put under a spell then, you're in hell again. B***h, I told you I was here to listen, so don't get f*****g pissed when, I just wanna understand. It makes me mad, then I just feel like leavin'. But you're f****n' right I don't get it, it's your own situation, but stop actin' like I don't know s**t though. You know me and you're gonna make my head blow, every f*****g time you tell me, "wow, you're so slow". F**K! i know, you don't know though what goes in deep in my head. Let me SHED some light. It's a nightmare, f****n' dare you to stare. Peak through through the creeks, can you see the beasts, the monsters that creep. They crawl up my skull, lay eggs while I sleep, spit venom, piercing holes. It's more than just that though, let me play you my life's show. I'll illuminate the way my mind grows. It's actually quite horrible, my thoughts slip into such a deep void, I don't care about anything, don't give a f**k about my life anymo'. take away my f****n' rights see where that goes. It's just so hard to put into words the way my brain works. I force myself to change, look at things in new, different ways. It's strange, to believe of non-existence, I can't see that I'm actually seeing any of this. Ignore my experiences, it's deviant, we curse at the thought. But it's not too hard when we've come so far. I include the concept of plurality, we and me both exist in we. I'm not just one person, I'm many, I'm unhappy because i can't achieve any of the things I want to be. I need to bleed. Don't want to feel any longer, fall over keelin', vomit on my shirt spitting up my feelings. Look at myself from the outside, have you considered watching yourself in the shoes of someone Else's life. I have, it's sad, I'm a pitiful sight. A p***y, someone people would consider a nice guy. Maybe they're right. What's the point now, I"m thinking how, how can life go on like this. Never really had reason to feel so depressed. But like my mother said, "Life's just one big f*****g mess, it happens, ignore all the bad s**t, grow a pair, man up, f****n' deal with it. Stop being a b***h you little s**t." Maybe she didn't say it exactly like this but I took the hints. Life will never been like a "win-win situation". It's all full of bullshit, but if you look hard enough and be patient, glints of happiness will pour light under the door. Spreads across the floor, crawls into your skin, soaking deep into your pores. They say it makes life worth livin' for. And all I can do is hope that they're right, I'm tired of waking, sweat pouring down my eyes asking myself WHY?, is tonight the night? It's time to say goodbye, never really dreaded the end of my life, they were never right, kick the chair out from under my feet, close my eyes. Don't feel enough to cry, a quick switch of the lights. It's over, no more suffering. In a way I did win, I'm happy I'll never have to wake up and breathe again. This is how my story ends, I hope its left an impact deep within. Know that you'll never be alone, people like you and I, we are each others homes. So if you're ever thinking about leavin', think again. I'm still here, I'm still breathin'. Everyone needs someone to cut that rope when, they just want their hearts to stop beatin'. I know I did, and I'm glad for it, now I'm livin' in a new season. This was my win-win situation, a second chance to live life again.Now let me give you a new end, let me be that reason for you to see the light again.   

Author's Note

Feel free to leave comments below.

Reviews

[Aliquise]

Thank you Zeitnot. Glad you liked it

[Zugzwang]

I really liked the brutal honesty here. Keep writing, man, there are a few of us who walk on the dark side. Nice to see you found a positive angle here.