Lying With the Opposite Sex

The human male has the largest penis of any other primate.

            This is what I thought as I pounded myself into the back of this ignorant girl. She should be thanking me for having a penis this size to give her so much pleasure. Thanking God she wasn’t made into some chimp whose mate would be half the size of me. She should worship me. This is all I could think about.

She lay there screaming the name of some CEO of some business that does something too complicated for her to understand.

            I was the manager of a Walgreens.

            She was grabbing at a designer shirt. Tailor fitted in New York.

            I had gotten the shirt from a department store. On discount.

            She ran her fingers through my ninety dollar haircut.

            My cousins wife had cut my hair last.

            This girl was too easy. I hardly had to put on my A game, and she was naked and back at my place in no time. I guess her father didn’t really love her as a child. Or maybe her uncle touched her. This lead to her growing up looking for sexual reparation for the wrongs done to her at a young age. The only way she knew to make it right? She would regain her sexuality and her “woman power” by f*****g whomever she chose to f**k. That’d show her uncle. He thinks he can control her sexual destiny? Oh no, she was going to. She was going to choose to be promiscuous so no other man could try to control her sexual path. Good call.

 

            This was just a guess though. Maybe she was just a w***e. Regardless, she was an easy catch to get the job done. I felt my climax nearing and clung on tight. After I finished, I rolled off her and fell on the bed. She collapsed beside me and started cuddling. How cute, the cuddly type of w***e. I rolled her off of me and got up and got up to get a shower, hoping she’d be gone by the time I got back. Maybe she’d get the hint to leave.

            “Where are you going?” she asked in a sad little voice.

            “I’m gettin’ a shower. The phone’s on the desk if you need to call a ride.”

            It was the fourth, maybe fifth time my cousin Adam had left town and asked me to house sit. He’d been like an older brother to me after my parent’s divorce.

Mom left dad and me when I was about nine and I never saw her after that. Dad would always say how we didn’t need her and how he was better off. How he was too good to be held down by one woman. I always looked up to my dad.

Whenever Dad would have a girlfriend over for the night, I’d go stay down the street with Adam, and Dad had plenty of girlfriends over. As I grew up, Adam was still always there for me. He helped me out with paying my rent when I dropped out of college and my dad quit helping me with money. I almost felt bad, but after he got out of grad school he landed a great job instantly, so I didn’t think he minded a couple months helping me out with rent for a s****y apartment. Even now, him letting me house sit was less me doing anything and more of a vacation. I’d take the week off of work, drive up to just out of the city, and I’d bring home girls to his nice apartment for the night. This week he left on a Wednesday and wasn’t going to be back until Monday. Everything was pretty normal until I came across her.

***

            She was sitting alone at the bar, a sign I took as wanting to hook up. You don’t go out looking like she did all alone on a weekend just to dance. You want to get fucked. Her blonde hair was done up, and she was dressed for a night out. Her tan skin was shown off by a low-cut dress. The majority of her breasts were exposed. Lord she had gorgeous breasts. I doubted she had any tan lines, unless she wore pasties to tan in. maybe she was just too stupid to know how easy she was making herself seem. I had to pounce while she was looking weak.

            “Excuse me, you don’t know Dave do you?”

            “Huh? Who’s Dave?” she asked.

            “Oh God, I’m sorry, I must have mistaken you for someone else. You look just like one of the models Dave had at his release party last weekend. I’m terribly sorry.”

            “Oh,” she let out a slight laugh, “I’m definitely no model,” she said almost begging me to correct her. Of course I will.

            “Hun, you scream model. I’m a little shocked you’re out and about by yourself. Date in the bathroom?”

            She looked uncomfortable by that question, but I didn’t bother inquiring why. I’m guessing no date. Win.

            “No, I’m just…” she paused looking for the right work. I guessed it was a word out of her vocabulary so I helped her out in the conversation.

            “Looking to have a good time?” I smiled at her, “If you need a date for the night, I’d be happy to fill that position. I’m Tony. Could I get you a drink?”

            “Sure. I’m Katie by the way. Nice to meet you Tony.” She smiled back and looked me up and down once. Then checked her cell phone. “Hey, I’ll be right back. I’ve got to go to the bathroom.” She walked off quickly and was back in only about a minute. I was surprised how fast she took in the bathroom, seeing as she rushed off like she was going to release the Hoover Dam from between her legs. I didn’t bother asking what her quick trip was for.

            We talked about my job and how successful I was at whatever I told her I did that weekend. She seemed very into me almost too into me, but I was alright with that. I kept ordering drinks, but she nursed them all, hardly drinking anything.

            “Do you drink often?” I asked. It seemed like she was afraid to, like she thought I might have slipped the bartender some GHB to add to her drink.

            “I just don’t drink much, it doesn’t go well with my…” blah, blah, blah. Okay, you don’t drink. I get it. Nonetheless she seemed to be getting more and more buzzed as the night went on. She became more and more touchy as the conversation progressed and seemed to care less and less that we were in a club in public. She went to the bathroom like she had the bladder the size of a skittle.

            “So I have an apartment just outside of the city. Would you like to come crash with me, lovely?” I asked once I felt like I had the deal sealed.

            “Sure, sounds good to me. I’d love to see your place,” she smiled at me. “Are you okay to drive?”

            “Yeah, I’d be fine if I drove, but I just took a cab. Want to just grab a cab and get out of here?”

            “Sure,” she put her arms around me as she stood up and kissed me. I felt like this was the sign of good things to come. We got into the cab and headed back to my cousin’s.

            After a long cab ride, complete with backseat groping and a make out session, we finally arrived.

            “S**t, I can’t find my wallet.” I knew I had it on me when we left the club. Or did I? f**k, I did not want to blow this night. The cab driver looked into his rearview mirror at me. Chill out Achme; I’m not trying to scam you.

            “Oh, here. I think it must have fell out of your pocket while we were back here,” Katie handed me the wallet and grinned. Thank God she found it. I paid the driver, and Katie and I started our night.

***

            A bowel movement and a long shower later she was still there. Fail. My hint was clearly not good enough. Maybe something a little more obvious?

            “So it’s getting late,” I said.

            “Yeah, I probably need to just crash here for the night. You wouldn’t mind that would you, Tony?”

            My name was Mark.

            “Well actually I was thinking maybe I could just call you a cab.”

            She looked confused for a moment.

            “But I thought you said you were on vacation? You’d have nothing to do tomorrow so I could come back to your place.”

            Clearly I needed to get to the point.

            So we could f**k, but hun, I can’t let every w***e I bring back to my place just crash.”

            She looked taken aback. What? You don’t think you’re a w***e? I just met you tonight and I already know your anatomy like I’d been studying it for an exam. You should really accept the fact that you’re a w***e.

            She looked at me for a moment as if my words just took a knife and stabbed her. She seemed shocked.

            “You can’t be serious. I thought we made a fun couple.”

She stood up from the bed, a*s naked. Good lord what a beautiful body she had. I could only imagine it ten years from now, dried up and used up from too many parties and nights out. Too many other guys that she made a “fun couple” with.

“Listen hun, you’ve really got to understand, I thought we agreed this would be just a one time thing. If you stay here the rest of the night, in the morning there’ll be some weird exchange, we’ll both feel uncomfortable,” or at least I would, “and then I feel like you’d probably start getting attached. It’d just be way better if you left now, no strings, just a fun night to remember.”

            She her purse and ran into the bathroom. Good thing we hit the shower earlier before the bed, I feel like it would have been awkward if she’d had to ask where it was right now. She walked out a few minutes later and throws her purse down by the bed. A pill bottle rolls out. Dear God, she’s popping pills. This might get harder than I thought.

“Listen Mark, I really think we should stop and talk about this. I know you want me to stay here, so I’m going to ignore the w***e comments, and let’s just cuddle and talk about it.”

I wasn’t about to deal with some pill popping psycho. Maybe I’m overreacting though. Maybe it’s just some prescription.

“I know this is the beginning of something beautiful, but you need to work on your sense of humor, we can’t have you talking like that to me all the time, hun.”

Beginning of something beautiful? I must be getting involved with something a little over my head. This could be bad. I’ve dealt with some crazy b*****s before. Maybe this wouldn’t be that bad. I just…wait.

“What did you call me?”

“Mark. That is your name right?”

“Did you go through my stuff while I was gone?” I know I wasn’t exactly mister morals, but that’s a little rude to do.

“Of course not, that’d be intrusive.” She seemed offended that I’d even consider the idea of her being intrusive. “I read it on your driver’s license when I took it from you in the cab.” She smiled deviously again. This girl just went from creepy to scary. Either she’s a nutcase or a sneaky genious.

“So my wallet didn’t fell out; you stole it?”

“That might have happened. You didn’t think I was going to just come f**k you without a double check to see if you were lying to me did you?”

“Well, yes actually, I did. But listen, this is getting weird. I think you need to just go.” I walked out of the bedroom into the living room, I needed to step away from this girl. She followed. At least she was closer to the door now. “You just need to leave, Katie.”

“I think we should get to know each other better. I’m sure most of the things you said at the club were a lie, but I’m willing to look past that and try to make something here,” she said in an almost airy voice as she started staring in my eyes. “I want to have you, Mark. I feel we could be so close. I love you.”

My own mother didn’t love me enough to stick around. Why does this girl think she can really love me? I learned all I needed from my dad. You don’t need one woman to tie you down. I’m not about to let Katie-nutcase start tying.

“Okay, Katie, listen, I’m really starting to get a crazy vibe from you, and it’s getting a little out of hand right now.”

“Why are you getting that vibe?”

I looked down at her bottle of pills. She caught me and looked down at them and back to meet my eyes.

“Oh these?” She looked over the bottle and smiled. “I’ve been taking more than enough of my meds all night since you started talking to keep me under control. I should be fine, I promise.” She picked the bottle up and opened it. “You’re not freaked out are you?” She flung the bottle around in her hand and splashed out of the bottle at me.

This can’t really be happening.

“You can’t be serious right now? What the hell is wrong with you?” I started to back up as she started walking toward me.

“Listen, Mark,” she said getting clearly angered. Something about my statement didn’t sit well with her, “there is not a damn thing wrong with me, I’m taking the medication the doctor told me to, so I’m normal just like any other girl. Any. Other. Girl. Nothing weird about me at all.”

Something in her head had to have just snapped.

“You need to get out of here.”

“F**k you!” she lunged at me. I dodged in time for her face to slam into the wall behind me. Blood had been drawn from her forehead, making her look that much more like the killer out of some cheap horror flick. “You plan on leaving just like every other d********g don’t you? Well you’re not going to leave me, I’m going to leave you!”

“Great, I’ll call a cab then!” I was scared for my life now.

“Not going to be that easy. First you’re going to regret f*****g with me!” She grabbed a lamp off of a nearby table and charged again.

I grabbed her and threw her against the wall again. For such a little b***h, she was strong. Maybe it was added psycho strength. I forced the lamp out of her hand and held her down.

“Stop! You’re not going to leave me like everyone else! F**k you, you prick!”

“You have to go!” I was getting her out of this apartment one way or another.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Katie stopped flailing around and looked at the door.

“Honey, I think someone’s here, you probably need to get that.”

The knocks came again, then a voice.

“Is something wrong in there?” It sounded like an older woman. I’m assuming it was one of my cousin’s neighbors, but I didn’t have a clue who it could have been. Most of the rooms in this building get rented out to rich families for an easy vacation place by the city. “I heard a noise, thought I’d check.”

“Help me!” Katie quickly screamed. “He’s hurting me!” She glared up at me.

“Why are you doing this? You couldn’t just be a normal one-night-stand?”

“I love you, Mark, that’s why I’m doing this!”

“Listen, you have issues and you need to work them out, but now is not that time. How ‘bout you just go home, get some sleep, and tomorrow call me and we’ll talk in a more calm fashion.”

“Call that fake number? How about not, Mark?”

She started struggling again and her hand broke free from mine. Her elbow slammed into my jaw and I bit down on my tongue. Hard. Great, now she’s drawn blood.

More knocking came from the door.

“This is the police, we had a call about a disturbance here.” Thank God someone to finally help. I ran to the door. When I opened it two officers walked in. “What’s going on here?”

THIS B***H IS CRAZY! I wanted to yell, but all that came out was blood and a grumbled mosh of words and vowels.

Unable to make out a word I tried to say, the officer ran over to Katie. “Ma’am, are you alright.” He helped her off the floor. Her body bruised from me fighting her off. Her face bleeding from her own crazy actions. His partner grabbed me and held my hands behind my back before I knew what to do or what to try and say. “What exactly happened here?”

“He just went crazy.” Katie started.

“How do you two know each other, ma’am?”
            I started to explain. A gargled attempt at words.

The officer shook me once to quiet me.

“I was asking the lady, sir. I’m sorry Ma’am, how do you two know each other?”

Katie smiled at me, “We’ve been dating for some time now. Mark had asked me to move in with him. Lately he’d been getting more and more abusive, but I figured it was all just because I wasn’t helping enough around the here with cleaning, like I wasn’t doing my part.” She started bawling in the officers arm’s.

The officer looked around. He walked over to the pill bottle and picked it up. “And what are these ma’am?

This was what I had wanted. He’d know she was popping her little psycho pills and she’d be in cuffs too.

“Oh, that’s my allergy medicine. I must have dropped my pills when he came at me. I forgot I was even taking them.”

The officer laughed. “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am.” He looked closer at the bottle. “I think my wife takes the same stuff for her allergies. Alright, we’ve seen enough, get this guy in cuffs.”

The officer holding me cuffed me and started off with my rights. I thought they only did that in Dragnet and Law and Order. I was walked off without a single chance to speak. Every word I tried to get out was just another gargle of blood and spit. I looked over my shoulder as I was being walked down the hall. Katie stood in the apartment doorway and cried to the officer her recollection of the night.