Right Now, I Don't Care

Please pray for the victims of the Orlando, Florida shooting and their families.

You’re lost.

Yeah, we’re all lost.

Like dumb sheep.

I think you were more lost than many.

But right now, I don’t care,

‘Cause now you’re a different kind of lost.

You’re lost from this world,

Lost from your families,

The people who love you,

The people who lost you,

Lost, lost,

Lost, lost, lost

Why are human beings so horrible?

 

‘Cause we’re broken.

I’m broken

He was broken

You were broken,

You were really broken

But now you’re a different kind of broken.

Broken, broken,

Broken with bullet holes in your back.

Horrible, horrible.

He was broken

He was lost

He was messed up

Why did he do this?

Did he hate you for what you were?

It hurts me

It hurts me

Hurts, hurts, hurts

I am not like that.

Please don’t think that I’m like that.

 

If I could meet the ones who love you,

Would they even want to hold my hand

Because of what I believe about you?

Broken, lost, broken, lost

We’re all sinners

And we all deserve death.

But not like this.

You did not deserve

To be gunned down in a nightclub

By someone who hated you

Because of part of your identity.

 

Right now, I don’t care who you wanted to kiss.

Right now, I don’t care what you did in your life.

Right now, I don’t care what anyone else may say about all this

Because you were a human being,

You were my brother or sister

No matter how lost and broken you were.

And right now,

I wish that I could hold your loved ones’ hands

And show them how much my heart is bleeding for them

And for you.

Because nobody deserves to die like this.

And I’m praying, praying,

Praying,

Crying,

And praying.

My life is going on like normal all around me.

But right now, I don’t care.

Author's Note

On Sunday, 49 people were killed and at least 53 were injured in a shooting at a gay nightclub called The Pulse in Orlando, Florida. This was the most violent shooting in United States history. Please join me in praying for all of the people affected by this tragedy.

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

I can really feel the anger and hate Alicia, I really can... The way this world is turning into into hate box is disheartening... With the growing attacks, with the hateful mindset I can sense that this world is going to get destructor... I can't believe how someone could kill so many people just because they believed in other sexuality... I feel broken as a human being, I feel sorry for those families who lost their dear ones...

You wrote this one with magnificent dedication and feelings... Thank you for your prayers, God is watching over us Alicia...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[AliciaB]

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

[DRAGO]

I wouldn't say we're all sinners, in particularly regarding athiests. not that they are better than people, but they don't believe in sinns, mistakes yes

[AliciaB]

Different words, same concept, I suppose. You have to have a reference point in order to know when you've made a mistake. For people who believe in God, He is their reference point.

[DRAGO]

Very well stated

[Raylene]

I love the sense of despair and the repeating brings that out dear I must say great work

[AliciaB]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Raylene]

Anytime my dear

[Kat Mandu]

I can really sense the anguish you're trying to convey here, although bits of it sounds a bit awkward (and tell me if I'm wrong or out of line) with lines like "You were really broken/But now you’re a different kind of broken" it sounds like you were a bit uncomfortable personally tackling the subject matter, as though you didn't necessarily agree with the LGBT concept but you found the murders to be such a disgusting act that you don't find it a problem.

I'm not sure I like the constant repetition of "broken" in the second stanza, but perhaps I'm reading too much into it.

[AliciaB]

You're right. Well, first I would like to admit that I don't think anyone is really "comfortable" talking about this kind of thing - how can we possibly be? But I get what you're saying, and I'll try to explain it as best as I can. It's complicated. I do not believe, for religious/personal reasons (which are the same thing for me), that homosexual marriage is right. However, that does not mean that I "hate" anyone who has those kinds of feelings. And that's not even the issue at hand here - this situation is the fact that a bunch of human beings were murdered in a horrific way, and there are a lot of people in intense pain because of that. But the controversies of homosexual relationships, gun control, ISIS, hate crimes, and all these other things have been drawn into the discussion of this event as well, making everything even more confusing and painful. So that's what this poem is about - me venting my frustration and anguish over this, and trying to say that the only thing that ultimately matters is that human beings suffered and died because of this event. If you want to check out my reply to barelygirl's review, I think it does a better job of explaining what I'm trying to say. And yes, there's a lot of "broken" in the second stanza. It's a term often used (perhaps overly so) to explain the messed-up state of humanity. The fixation on one word/phrase is also supposed to indicate shock and emotional trauma. But if you don't like it, that's totally up to you. :) Thank you for the review.

[unspokenpain]

very good read. Good flow and inspiring words. We are all broken, but also valuable. Valuable enough that even the most broken are worth more than any jewel or precious treasure. Keep writing!

[AliciaB]

Thank you.

[barleygirl]

I mostly agree with everything written here . . . and I thank you for this commentary, as well as this tribute to what recently happened in Orlando, not to mention a whole list of related tragedies worldwide. It's almost too senseless to even comment on. This subject has been talked to death already. I feel you did a good job of conveying the gutwrenching senselessness of it, & how you feel so mixed up inside, with your repeated words for emphasis, you're really just saying: there are no words.

Altho it feels almost sacrilegious to make any critical comments on your well-stated feelings here, I must say that it did feel a little bit like you were saying that being gay is not OK to you ("no matter how lost and broken you were"), but that right now (becuz of this recent massacre), the being gay part doesn't matter to you. I'm not exactly feeling this as a wholehearted statement of acceptance for people, no matter the gender issues of love.

[AliciaB]

You are very right about the mixed-up feelings. That's exactly what I was attempting to express in this poem - the fact that there really are no words for this kind of thing. And your conclusion at the end is also correct. Again, it's a lot of confusing emotions and thoughts, which are very hard to adequately express. I do not believe that acting on same-sex attraction is okay. Having those feelings is neither right nor wrong - they're emotions, after all, which are, for any person, largely out of our control. However, I do not think that acting on these emotions in the way many people choose to do is right. This is one of the convictions of my religion and of my personal beliefs, which are one and the same. HOWEVER - this is the most important part, and something that many people fail to recognize about people with my beliefs, the Catholic Church, etc. - sexuality is only one part of a person's identity. No matter their characteristics or actions, every person is a human being, a child of God, who is worthy of love, compassion, and respect. That is why I say that "right now, I don't care" about the fact that many of the individuals who died in the Orlando shooting were gay. It's not casting judgment one way or another or throwing aside my beliefs or anything like that at all - it's a reaction to the overemphasis on this single part of these people's identities that had characterized the discussion of this event. That's not what matters - these people were PEOPLE, my brothers and sisters, as I said in the poem, and they were senselessly murdered, and that's what matters. I hope that this makes some sense. Like I said, this is very hard to explain - even I don't understand all of my feelings about it. It just hurts.

[barleygirl]

I completely understand your position & you expressed it very well. I think it would be good to write up something in a more formalized way to explain this. Even tho I'm much more liberal in my views, I also feel that those with anti-gay sentiments are maligned & misunderstood. An explanation like this would do much to foster acceptance, in spite of our differences.

[AliciaB]

Thank you very much! I will definitely take that into consideration.

[Shabeeh Haider]

It is sad, indeed very sad and you have spoken your heart out.
Our hearts should go out to all those who have lost their loved ones.
A sad but very powerful poem

[AliciaB]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Molly Anna]

My sympathies to all who were hurt. I will definitely be praying for everyone this happened to, so horrible...

[AliciaB]

Thank you.

[GalaxyGhost]

I think, asides from the actual event itself which was horrible, is the aftermath where people on both sides of the arguments made were being just as cruel. I disliked the hate that followed afterwards, especially on the internet. I would like to just say, I want everyone to just be kind to each other. Please, be kind. I don't want this time to have debates and arguments as it does not do well in remembering those in Orlando. If people want to honor and remember those people killed, then please, please be kind to each other! Prayers!

[AliciaB]

Yes! I so very much agree. Right now, this is not an issue of sexuality or gun control or ISIS or whatever - it is an issue of violence, mourning, and pain, and we need to be there for each other. Like I said - "Right now, I don't care" about anything else. Thanks for the comments!

[GalaxyGhost]

You're welcome! It's just sad and upsetting how people are full of anger and hate when it should be replaced with love and kindness.

[AliciaB]

Can you please become the leader of the world? We need more people like you. Seriously.

[GalaxyGhost]

Thankfully, there are still good people out there, but news rarely focuses on that. Let's change the world with ourselves first.

[Centipedle]

This was horrible when I heard about it. And a few things bother me about how the media treats it. It doesn't matter if the nightclub was a gay bar. There's news all over the place about the "gays" getting attacked. That's not it.... These were people. People trying to enjoy their lives having a fun night out.

And I'm proud to see people saying not to blame the muslims. ISIS as far as everyone is concerned, are not muslims. They're just racist b******s.....

I hope something is done about it soon and my prayers to all the families. Too many mass shootings have been going on. One happened very close to home a few months ago at a disability center.

[AliciaB]

I wholeheartedly agree. It doesn't matter what traits and characteristics the victims had - they were all human beings, and that's all that matters. That's what I was trying to get at with this poem. Thank you for the comments; I appreciate them.