Back Into the Darkness

"We create our own demons." - Tony Stark in Iron Man III, quoting a wise man who probably doesn't exist. But he's right.

Why, hello there,

little one.

Welcome back.

You did a wonderful job of hiding from us,

drowning out our voices with your schoolwork and busyness,

but you knew we’d come back.

We always come back.

It’s all over now,

and there’s nowhere for you to hide.

Welcome back into the darkness,

little one.

 

Welcome back

to your self-hatred,

Welcome back to your plummeting self-esteem,

Welcome back to the feeling that your life is worthless

and that there’s nothing you can do that means a thing.

Welcome back to anxiety,

to nameless moodiness,

to depression.

Welcome back to crying yourself to sleep

because of the emptiness inside you,

Welcome back to silence,

to apathy, to useless prayer.

Welcome back to the feeling that your God doesn’t exist,

Welcome back to doubt, to anguish, to shame

Welcome back to fear,

Welcome back to the paralyzing terror of the darkness in the corner,

to our cold, clammy hands around your neck.

Welcome back to useless imagination,

trying desperately to conjure an image of your Savior

straining to listen to a Voice that you’ll never hear

Welcome back to the feeling of Hell;

You’ve already found it.

 

Welcome back to the place of self-loathing,

little one.

You said that you’d conquered us

but you knew it was a lie,

You knew that we’d broken you

and as soon as you healed

We’d be back here to torment you again.

Welcome back to indecision, disgust, obsession,

Only now you’ve lost the self-discipline you needed

Are you happy?

How unfortunate,

a control freak who has lost control.

You are indeed quite pitiful.

 

Welcome back

to the world where we control you.

Welcome back

to the reality that’s ever been buried within your mind.

Welcome back

into the darkness of your soul.

 

Welcome back from all your demons,

little one.

Author's Note

Giving voice to one's inner demons is... an experience.

Reviews

[SJ Mullins]

It is indeed an experience, and you capture how one feels when they slip back into the darkness very well. God knows, I know how that feels. They never let you go. They give you just enough slack to make you hopeful that you have finally rid yourself of them, only to come back with a vengeance. You are a brilliant writer. I enjoy reading your work very much. Write on! :)

[AliciaB]

Thank you very much! I truly appreciate your comments.

[SJ Mullins]

You are most welcome! :)

[Deenaidoo]

It's like you heard the demon in my soul
And gave him voice.
I kinda hate this poem. It's that good, that true, that raw and painful

[AliciaB]

Wow - thank you very much!

[SJ Mullins]

I totally agree!~

[Emily]

Love this!!
What a great idea for a poem!
Keep up the great write!

[AliciaB]

Thank you!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Very deep and heartfelt. The demons never really leave you.
You keep your self busy and occupied and you feel that you have lost those demons but sooner or later they return back to haunt you.
I like the way you have structured the poem. The demons talk to the "little one" and welcome her back and then go on to describe her every fear.

[AliciaB]

Thank you!

[GalaxyGhost]

From Shakespeare's "The Tempest," there was a quote that was stating how hell was empty and all the devils are here.

[AliciaB]

Yup. At least for now. Thanks!

[LastMonth]

This one is just...

It makes my blood boil. I want to shout, scream and flail my arms. I've dealt with darkness. My very own. Spurned from loss, faillures and myself. And when I see this, I just want to cry out my lungs and reach out to this person.

Giving voice to your inner demons is brave.
Because it means you are no longer hiding.
You are no longer pretending they are not there.
There is no healing, there is no more hiding, there's just brutal, decisive and consistent victory.

And not just one Victory, Alicia. Every single day, every single moment, every time you want to break down and cry, anytime you want to kneel and accept those mad voices into your life, you need to get up, and win again.

Triumph doesn't really exist in this case. Triumph is a lie meant to sabotage your efforts, your constant quest to achieve the final, ultimate solution and healing is what denies you the willpower to keep fighting. A great man passed away a few days ago. And he said something very important, and crucial to any human out there.

''There is no shame in falling down. Only in staying down.''

With my rant over, I'll speak more specifically about your poem.
This is powerful. This is possibly the most powerful thing I've read here. It is not a story. It is not here to entertain, but this is your soul. You've done well to reach me emotionally, I couldn't let this pass. I read it twice. I might read it a third time after posting this.

I'll just say this to finish my rant/review.

Give your demons a voice.
Give your demons a weapon.
Give your demons a headstart.
Smile, and tell them to give their best f*****g shot.

[AliciaB]

Wow. I wasn't quite expecting such a vehement response, but I greatly appreciate it. The final line of your review made me laugh. I really don't like the use of language like that, but there are definitely times for it, and I believe this applies. :) Thank you again for the review and your words of encouragement.

[Molly Anna]

This was intense, and sadly true. It reminded me of C.S. Lewis' famous 'Screwtape Letters'. And..."your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walking about, seeking whom he may destroy" 1 Peter 5:8. That, we can be filling our schedule, and reading our Bible, and smile at strangers, but the truth is, that the devil or the 'inner demons' will hit you at your hardest...that one insecurity, that one flaw, that one part of yourself that you hate...he will be there. You have expressed this beautifully. The cynical tone, the supposed triumph...very well done.

[AliciaB]

Thank you! I appreciate it.