In Your Cage

To you, my friend.

One I love,

You’re sitting there

In your cage

In your head

Knees drawn in close to your chest, arms around them

Rocking back and forth

Big brown eyes wide with anxiety

Surrounded by metal bars of your own making,

The bars of your iron will.

I wish it hadn’t been used for this.

You’re afraid

And you’re trembling,

And it’s like there’s a gag tied across your mouth,

Keeping you from speaking

So no one can hear you scream.

And you reach behind your head

And pull the knot tighter.

Anxious and high-strung,

Your movements become erratic.

You grab the bars of your cage,

Start to beat your head violently

Against the unyielding rods

Until the cold, passionless metal

Is warmed by your blood and your tears.

Pain welling in my heart,

I reach between the bars to try to help you

But now there’s even less space for you,

You’re being invaded,

And it only makes you thrash harder.

Sometimes my hand gets caught

Between your head and the bars,

And it hurts.

I draw back, my fingers throbbing,

Tears in my eyes,

But not for the physical pain.

It’s from seeing you

Torturing yourself

And knowing that I can’t help you,

That I’ll never understand,

That I cannot comprehend what you feel.

Sympathy only goes so far,

And there’s only room for one in your cage.

Look at me, one that I love,

With your big brown eyes

And see the tears in mine

As I watch you destroy yourself.

I wish so much that I could tear apart these bars,

Free you from this prison,

But like you, I’m only human,

And I don’t have the strength to break this cage.

I know that I don’t understand.

I know you feel alone,

And in many ways, you are.

I’ll never be able to join you in your cage

Or break you out of it.

But I’ll always be waiting here

On the other side

Looking through the bars

And even if I don’t know how or why or what,

I’ll know you’re hurting,

And I’ll be here

To hurt with you as best as I can.

 

Author's Note

For my sister and best friend.

Reviews

[Blysful]

Can I hug you? And then your sister? (Around her cage, so she's got her space.) I suffered a similar difficulty with my sister, at what was the worst time in her life (so far! Pessimist that I am), and whilst I can't say that I suffered more than her, I most definitely suffered with her. It broke my heart to see her in such a way and know there was nothing I could do.
This poem came very close to making me cry. No easy feat, I assure you! Every line resonated with every memory I had of that dark time, every example of emotive langauge a punch in the gut. In a good way, I promise. That this came across as flowing so smoothly and effortlessly to me portrayed that there was a lot of genuine frustration and helplessness and heartbreak in every word, and I adore that you're brave enough to share something to intimate with the big wide world.
Well done, AliciaB. You're wonderful, and I hope you never stop writing!
(PS your poems have the highest ratings I've ever given on this site)

[AliciaB]

I am truly honored by your wonderful review. I am glad that this poem was able to touch you so profoundly - know that my prayers go out to you and your sister. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and for taking the time to read and review this. I really appreciate it.

[Blysful]

She's a lot better now, thank goodness - her cage had a door that could be pulled open so I could kick her out of it in the end :p keep your prayers for your own sister, and hopefully her cage might become a door too :)

[AliciaB]

Thank you!

[Érenn]

Ok Alicia This is definitely one of your darker writes if not the darkest itself. The fact that this there is no break in verse gives me the feeling that you really didn't have to think much, and feels like the words flowed right out of your mouth. The transition of the tone as the write goes from stating(just the first two lines), to frustration, to helplessness to pure lament. Melancholy is present throughout the write. The structure is maintained throughout the write and honestly this write invokes such vivd imagery and is gut wrenching. Too many examples to site. This poem from the start to end is brimming with dark and poignant imagery. The use of cage and bars and gag is so affective, it is almost frightening to think just what the person is going through. Now I understand this one is dedicated to your sister. I feel like interpreting on lines of inner demons or a trauma from the past that has ended up causing your sister build a cage around herself and doesn't allow anyone to come close to her. But I feel I might have misinterpreted this one by miles. But I understand your position of helplessness as in there is nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines an just be there for her bearing this pain, this nightmare along with her. Again I feel there is so much more I feel like expressing but I feel I might be wrong about it. I am hoping the bars of the cage are soon sliced open and release your sister from this torment which she is seemingly fighting alone but two are inflicted with wounds. Your wounds are caused by the helplessness and the inability to stop this torment that maybe your sister is self-inflicting. This write is raw, powerful and gut wrenching and every line packs a punch.

[AliciaB]

Thank you very much for the incredible review. You're right - this was more of a stream-of-consciousness write than anything else, and I just wrote it all down one night, letting whatever images I had in my head come out onto the paper (or computer screen, I guess). You're not totally off in interpreting this poem. I don't know exactly what my sister is going through, but a lot of it involves intense social anxiety. I really want to help her become more comfortable and more open around people, but like I said in the poem, it's so hard for her to do so, and it's hard for me to know what to do to help. Thank you for appreciating the imagery and emotion in this piece. The time you took to write such an extensive review truly means a lot to me.

[Érenn]

No need to thank me Alicia, it's the least I could do. And I do take the time now to do just that. ^^