The Price of Being Perfect

One of the most honest things I have ever written.

People say I’m perfect

And in ways, it’s rather true -

Don’t get me wrong, I’m human,

But I’m good at what I do.

 

I’m “sweet” and “empathetic”,

Kind of weird and kind of cool.

I’m pretty good at running

And a total boss in school.

 

I’m “dedicated”, “super smart” -

My intellect’s my pride.

But nobody can ever see

The agony inside.

 

I’m like an executioner

Who’s trapped in my own head.

My own sadistic torturer;

Won’t stop until I’m dead.

 

You think this life is rosy -

Well, you’re in for a surprise.

Just take a look and see the truth

Behind my jaded eyes.

 

The price of being perfect

Is a pointy little “A”

Like an arrow stuck inside you

That will fester and decay.

 

You’re used to those 100s,

Can’t forgive your own mistakes.

You’ve got a “glowing” transcript

And a streak you cannot break.

 

You have a reputation

That you always must maintain;

The only part they see of you

Is your astounding brain.

 

You’re under constant pressure,

And the source of it is you.

You know you can be excellent

By doing what you do.

 

So stay awake ‘til two AM

And study hard, and stress.

Those A’s don’t come from nowhere -

It takes grit to be the best.

 

Your classmates talk about you -

“Flawless every single way.”

But they don’t see you struggling

To not pass out all day.

 

They say that you are perfect

And it’s nice, but still you know

That words can mask true meaning,

Hide how deep resentment flows.

 

You rock a presentation

And they praise you and applaud.

But ‘neath the smiling faces

They are thirsting for your blood.

 

Your siblings want to be you

And you suffer from their pain.

Can’t they tell, this daily hell

Is driving you insane?

 

They all compare themselves to you

And leave with heavy hearts,

And while they speak of their self-hate

Your own is ripped apart.

 

You cannot share accomplishments,

The grades you get on tests,

‘Cause everybody envies you

And hates that you’re the best.

 

When someone else outshines you,

You remind yourself you’re smart,

But wicked knives of jealousy

Still lodge within your heart.

 

What kind of monster are you

That you view your friends this way?

If they’re the best, you hate them,

But if you are, it’s okay.

 

You’re life’s a constant battle -

Always have to be the best.

Don’t you dare “ease up a bit”;

You have no time to rest.

 

You carry ‘round the weight of worlds

And strain your arms and back;

But that could never match the hurt

That stains your conscience black.

 

If I wrote this on the walls

And signed it with my name,

Would all you who know me

Ever look at me the same?

 

I know I’m not perfect;

It’s too late to make amends.

By my and others’ judgment

I’ve already been condemned.

 

Try to live like I do

And you’re gonna wind up dead,

‘Cause the price of being perfect

Is a bullet to your head.

Author's Note

For all perfectionists, try-hards, straight A's, and top 10ers - and for everyone who falsely thinks that being so is awesome.

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

I can say that I'm a fan of this poem and I will always be. This is very true Alicia and it hits the right tone... Being the best may look great outside but on the inside there are so many pain and struggle along side hate, jealousy and heartbreak... I used to try to be the best in everything, and I almost lost my everything, every bit of happiness in it, I lost my frnds because they thought they don't deserve to be with an A+ getter.... But I do it for my own, and not for the grades... There is so much pain in becoming the best, when you can't go on being the best and lose just one step people will criticise you, they treat you with hate and jealousy... It's far more important to live for the greater purpose of life than to live for becoming an A+ grade holder... It was an inspiring writing by you...

This was truly the best one you have written so far and all I can do is to put my hat off to you.... Brilliant!!!!

Sincerely
Dhiman

[AliciaB]

Thank you so much! You understand this experience so well... as always. :)

[Kat Mandu]

I like the tone and emotions conveyed throughout your use of language. I enjoyed that poem, but I think the length could put people off. I prefer shorter poems, but that's personal preference, and I'm no professional haha!

[AliciaB]

Thank you! Yes, it is a bit long... I have another poem on here that's 102 stanzas, lol :) For me, it just depends on how long it takes to get all of my thoughts across. But short is good too. Thanks again!

[Blysful]

Why is it that every poem of yours I have read so far astounds me with how true and beautiful it is?
Many people who read this will empathise, many will understand, but every single person who reads this will wind up agreeing with you in the end.
We've all wanted to be perfect, at the cost of ourselves or others, and thankfully most of us do eventually grow out of it (or at least the need is less prominent over time), as we realise that perfection is unachievable. You'll only suffer in the process of trying to obtain it. The best we can do is just that - our best.
This is so cleverly developed to encompass all the suffering and striving, the jealousy and the immoral lengths we'll go to - but it's yet to include the 'outgrowing the need' stage. This is not a fault upon the poem, as this work is exquisite, but perhaps some suggestions for you as a person. Your best is all the best people in your life will ever ask of you. I hope you're not suffering so needlessly for other people anymore :)

[AliciaB]

Thank you! Actually, a lot of this comes from me pushing myself too hard - I've actually been told by many different people, parents and teachers included, to stop studying so much. :) But I'm getting much better. Writing helps because it gives me something to focus on besides schoolwork all the time. Thank you for your empathy and for the lovely review.

[Blysful]

I'm very glad that at least what you're doing you are doing for yourself, but I agree with the boring adults in your life - be healthy and happy over perfect any day :D I personally have found that being happy and healthy makes you feel that little bit more perfect, anyway :)

[AliciaB]

Haha so true. :) Thanks!

[unspokenpain]

I love this. As people who are viewed as the best tend to see themselves very differently. we know our faults, the work that got their, the negativity that is jealousy. We must see others good work and be happy that they did so good, but if it's better than ours we have that dark spark in ourselves that want's to come out, yet we know it's wrong. Good work!

[AliciaB]

Thank you!

[Terry O'Leary]

An interesting insight of the pains & stresses of excelling...
well executed...
Terry

[AliciaB]

Thanks! I appreciate it.

[Emily]

I love it!
I can relate to this.
Keep on writing!!

[AliciaB]

Thank you!

[Érenn]

Should I say your Author's Note is sarcastic? Don worry, believe me when I say this is something I have gone through. Actually still going through it. Kind of one of the reasons I had to live my life in solitude for a loooong time. I felt I was reading about me here..... Sad, but it sucks to the core a lot of times I know it too well. Now about the write itself, loved your subtle rhymes whenever they appeared. Definitely honest, definitely something I would have written on sooner or later, maybe I will just copy paste this (just kidding). It's good and definitely a powerful write to say in the least. Being on top isn't great when you are alone and when you are loathed for being good. Damn, makes me wonder sometimes why I ever tried being a perfectionist, too late though as you rightfully said. Great write!!! ^^

[AliciaB]

I suppose the Author's Note is somewhat sarcastic - there definitely are upsides to being a perfectionist. This poem is a portrayal of the deepest, darkest parts of the issue and doesn't really go into the positive aspects... but I do get the feeling at times that some people think constantly pressuring yourself to overachieve and then doing so means that your life is always great. Thanks for appreciating my subtle rhymes - they make me happy too. :) Thanks for the review, and hang in there on the perfectionism!

[Érenn]

I know the upsides are plenty so to speak, but as you said it's this constant pressure and pestering that really gets on one's nerves. The start is always enjoyable, it's just whether we are able to enjoy staying there it all boils down to that. That really ends up being the biggest problem most of times. In the end you wonder, whether all of it is worth it for those praises you receive? That's why now I do something because I like it and I want to do it. Not because I have to do it. So now when it comes to perfecting something, it's because I am pushing myself and going beyond my limitations and not because of someone else's pestering. That's why now it doesn't feel bad, you actually feel happy. ^^ Again thank you for sharing this lovely write, the best write I have read to begin the day with ^^

[AliciaB]

True that. :) Thanks again!