Writing

Eloquent? No. Honest? Yes.

Contraband.

Night life.

 In trouble with my parents.

No,

It’s not drugs.

It’s just me

And my beat-up old laptop

Staying awake ‘til two in the morning

Working on the only thing

That makes me feel truly alive.

 

There’s this story that’s inside me,

And I have to let it out

Have to write it, give it shape

Because I love it

And nobody else can fully understand

This passion that I have.

It’s my obsession, my lifeline,

The thing that I think about walking through the hallways

Nearly dead on my feet from exhaustion and stress

And being so freaking done with everything

But knowing that I can escape to that place,

That world I’ve made and been given,

Think about the characters whom I love as if they were real people

The good and the bad - they’re all my creations

And I play out their stories, their actions,

Over and over in my head,

Thinking about what they’ll say to each other,

What they’ll look like,

How they’ll feel.

And then when I finally get home

And hours of schoolwork and anxiety go by

There’s that time of silence and solitude

When I can write and be free

And finally feel like I’m living.

 

Sometimes I feel guilty,

Like if I’m staying up this late as it is, I might as well be doing homework

But I spend enough freaking time on homework as it is -  

That was seven to midnight, and now this is my time.

But it comes with a price.

How long can I take this sleep deprivation?

When will I start the hallucinations?

Why is the thing that makes me feel most alive

The thing that is killing me?

 

And what do I do

When I’m falling asleep

Trying to pray

And I just can’t focus?

God, will You accept this story,

The story that You’ve given me,

As my prayer,

Because I’m praising You in the most beautiful way I can

But it’s breaking me at the same time?

 

Is this an idol?

Is this an addiction?

Being high feels good

Until you hit the low,

But what about when your highs and lows

Are all mixed together in a jumbled mess,

Swirling around in your head

With all your dreams and all your fears

And the dull haziness of exhaustion

And you’re right back to thinking about the story inside of you

Because such a beautiful pain is worth it?

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Alicia Dear,
Little comfort, though, it may be, I think i understand and relate more than anyone you know, that which you've skillfully expressed so adroitly through the magic of your amazingly vvvid and honest word painting.
Somehow, it is all worth it, eh?

Smiles 'n grateful hugs for sharing You, M'Lady! ⁓ Richard

[AliciaB]

Thank you so much! I greatly appreciate it.

[Mary Helda]

Wow...I am absolutely speechless...this is the best piece that I have read today..there is so much emotion, depth and power in it...girl,,, this is utterly mind blowing...jeez!!! I have no more words to say...just speechless!!!!!!!!! beautiful beautiful beautiful and beautiful

[AliciaB]

Wow... thank you! I had no idea this poem would mean so much to other people... I was just kind of brain barfing when I wrote it. Then again, when you're writing about writing in a community of writers... :) Thanks again for the wonderful comments. They really mean a lot!

[Mary Helda]

You are. welcome and trust me your poem is amazing

[Érenn]

Hey I am amazed with this piece. You have literally exposed yourself here. All your emotions, confusion, vulnerability, even inabilities to do a few things. I am truly shocked no one has spoken anything on this here already. And I am kicking myself for reading this one so late. Without a doubt this is definitely one of your best works I have read. The monologue tone suits this well, kinda reminded me of how I write to a certain extent, A lot of things resonated with me. The highs and lows of life or your likes here. Truly salute you for this write.

[AliciaB]

Thank you so much for reviewing this! I wasn't sure what kind of feedback I might get on this, or if I would even get any - it's not the "prettiest" or most well-put together of my works. But I am very glad that you were able to connect with the portrayal of the emotions. Life is messy, and sometimes it takes a messy poem to write about it. :) Thanks again for reading this and reviewing it! And no worries about not doing so sooner - it was a pleasant surprise! :)

[Érenn]

You know not every single time it's about the form or structure, Sure maybe it will read a lot sophisticated and well crafted, but I wonder if that would give the same kind of impact it gives this one gave. Hey there are people here who have very similar habits like you. ^^ I know that because I am one of them ^^