Chapter One ~ First meeting

"Some stories last a lifetime, for others, they will be remembered for centuries. For Aedia and Patroclus, their story would last thousands of years". Aedia and Patroclus first meet during the spring of 1190BC, three years before the Trojan war. With tensions rising throughout Greece it is a dangerous time to fall in love. Witness the tragic love between Aedia and Patroclus, cousin of Achilles.

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"When I saw you first, it took every ounce of me not to kiss you. When I saw you laugh, it took every ounce of me not to fall in love. And when I saw your soul it took every ounce of me" ~ Atticus 

Chapter one ~ In the time of Achilles 

Phthia, Greece 1190BC, three years before the Trojan war

The day that Aedia met Patroclus signalled a new beginning in her life, a new chapter. Little did she know of what was to come.

Her sandals disturbed the earth leaving a trail of dust to float off into the blue sky above. The sun bore down on her pale complexion, the sea breeze running through her hair like a lovers breath. Whether by fate or by choice, she came across an ancient temple along the cliffside. In the distance, wooden swords clashed, the sound echoed throughout the temple. 

Deep voices drifted over to her, their laughter catching her attention. Moving closer over the rocky path, Aedia hid behind an olive tree, opting to watch the two men from behind the safety of its dry, brittle bark, as they sparred one another. Their skin was sleek with sweat, their muscles rippled beneath their tunic's as they dodged one another's attacks.

A soft wind blowing in from the harbour pushed Aedia's chestnut waves away from her face, her light blue gown billowing behind her. They won't notice me if I only stay for a few moments. A few moments turned into minutes and Aedia continued to watch as they fought one another, relentless in their attacks. Neither one seemed to want to give in despite the heat of the late afternoon. They disappeared around a corner of the ruins, Aedia searched for any signs of movement, but to no avail, perhaps they had noticed her presence and left. She turned to leave, her face inches away from the blunt edge of a wooden sword that was pointed at her neck.

"What do you think you are doing?" He asked, a soft, tantalising smirk tugging at his lips, his brown hair ruffled from the training session. Aedia took a step backwards, colliding with the tree and stumbling into it as she attempted to get as far away as possible, dropping her purse in the process.

"I...I was just heading into town. I heard voices and wished to know who they belonged to" As he lowered his sword to his side. The young man smiled, looking at the ground before flicking his eyes back up to meet hers.

"I suppose I should let you be on your way then" He stooped down and picked up her leather purse filled with coins ready for her to buy dinner for her and her father. She smiled gratefully, taking it from his hand, their fingers touching ever so lightly as she did so. Brushing past him, Aedia started once more down the path, daring to glance back over her shoulder. He was already looking at her. A girly smile tugged at her lips for the rest of the walk into the city.

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Later that evening, In the city of Pthia, candles shone brightly, lining the streets and waterside as the locals danced and sang. It was all in praise of spring and the fruits it brought with it. The city was alive with laughter and music that resonated into the night air. A full moon in the sky while below Aedia joined in on the festivities with her friends, Achima and Eos. Aedia's attention moved from her friends after she caught a glimpse of a familiar face across the dancing crowd. The man she had met earlier stood silently watching her, and for a fleeting moment, their eyes met, until the dancers blocked Aedia's view.

"Ah, that would be Patroclus. Cousin of Achilles-" Achima answered Aedia's curious look in the now vacant spot where Patroclus had been only a few moments ago. "-Untouchable, devastatingly handsome, and from what I hear single"

"I think I need another drink" Aedia stood and made for the wine on the nearby table, fighting her way through the large crowds. On the way there, her father, Helios, an ex-Greek soldier stopped her from going any further, placing a loving arm around her shoulders.

"I am so glad I found you, I have someone I would like you to meet" She reluctantly allowed herself to be guided away from the wine table and towards a group of her father's friends. All the while searching for Patroclus among the crowd.

"Dymas, this is my daughter, Aedia" The group of men turned to her, the youngest of them all smiled warmly, his cheeks had flushed a deep red from the heavy wine consumption throughout the evening.

"Aedia, me and your father once fought together, he has protected me from many of my foes. It is an honour to finally meet you" He bowed his head politely as she curtsied in return, hoping that she would be able to excuse herself soon. Several minutes passed where Aedia was forced to listen to their constant talking and slurred speech until she found an opportune moment to leave the group. Having finally made it to the wine table, she poured herself another goblet.

"I see you finally escaped" A voice broke through the music and laughter from behind her. She turned to face the owner. 

"We meet again. I was half wondering when we would cross paths" Aedia gave a quick glance to the people around them, who were all occupied with their own conversations. Patroclus gestured for her to follow him as he proceeded to move away from the crowds and toward the beach. Peacefully, they walked side by side as the waves washed up against the sand. How Aedia loved the sound.

"I hope you did not think I was intruding earlier...when you found me by the olive tree" Patroclus smiled shaking his head no, placing his arms behind his back as his blue eyes moved out to sea. His lips lifting at the corners in a discreet smile as he remembered the afternoon's events.

"I expect you liked what you saw..."Patroclus's eyes lit up mischievously as he grinned over at Aedia. For several moments, Aedia stood in shock, before she too began to smile.

"If you must know, I was much more entranced by what Achilles was doing" Despite Patroclus's smile growing wider, he lifted an eyebrow questioningly as they trudged through the thick sand closer to the waves.

"I don't believe you, especially when I was so obviously winning" Aedia let out a laugh, frowning slightly in thought. Oblivious to the intense gaze of Patroclus.

"I seem to recall you being about to lose..." From behind them, a voice sounded, causing the moment to be broken and Patroclus's attention to turn to the man who was coming to a stop beside them.

"Cousin, you left the party, you're missing all the fun-" The man's eyes flickered over to Aedia in curiosity as she averted her eyes to her sandals.

"Who is this?" He asked, sending a teasing smile to Patroclus, who was quick to look away.

"I don't know. We only just met today" At that, Aedia lifted her eyes up from her sandals to him, having forgotten that she had not yet told him her name.

"Aedia" She said softly, speaking to both men but keeping her eyes fixed on Patroclus, who smiled gently over at her, the wind softly rustling his hair making him seem all the more ethereal to her.

"Patroclus" He replied, before looking to the man beside them, who stood hands on his hips and a cocky, boyish grin playing on his lips as he looked on in amusement.

"Well, I am glad I found you before anything too serious happened" He mocked, being met with a scowl from Patroclus as the two shared a look.

"You must be Achilles" Aedia spoke up, causing the fair-haired man to turn to her. He nodded proudly, most likely expecting her to fawn over his accomplishments, just as the many women before her had.

"I am" He glanced over to Patroclus who merely huffed in response, crossing his arms over his chest, waiting for the moment she forgot about Patroclus and began to fawn over Achilles.

"I have heard about you-" Aedia started, having already reached the conclusion that she preferred the Achilles she had heard about in the stories and songs, as opposed to the Achilles who now stood before her, cocky and brash. "-They say that you are immortal, that your mother is a sea nymph and-"

"And?" His voice was deep, his bronzed skin stood out from the blue of his outfit. His eyebrows raised as he waited eagerly for what she was going to say next.

"And that you, strong and talented as you are, have a habit of bedding any woman you can find" Secretly pleased with the shocked response she had received from both men, Aedia returned to the party. Unbeknownst to her, Patroclus's eyes had followed her in awe until she was no longer in sight. Few men dared to insult Achilles and fewer women still.

Author's Note

I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and thank you so much for reading! I apologise for any grammar problems but this is only a first draft, and once the story is finished I will go back and edit it everything. Feel free to leave a review down below on your thoughts!

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Alice Hi. I agree with the other comments in their praise for creating an opening which starts to colour the characters and gives us early glimpses of how they may develop. I sense that her family may not be keen on her getting involved with Patrocius, and that Achilles will be a dark force as the story unfolds ...

However, I found myself very often tripping up on your phrasing and punctuation. I would then go back, re-read, and work out what you meant. I found this rather disruptive to the flow of reading. A couple of examples:

- Suddenly, they disappeared around a corner of the ruins, Aedia's eyes frantically searched for any signs of movement, but to no avail, perhaps they had noticed her presence and left. ... You have this as one sentence. To me it's three, and needs full stops to help the reader with when to pause.

- Being unable to resist keeping an eye out for who she knew now to be Patroclus on the way there ... By this stage I was getting used to your use of 'ing' verbs to help paint pictures and then there was this one, which is not a sentence.

I can be a bit nerdy about this kind of thing, and I'm certainly not suggesting you change the style you've adopted. However, you do seem to like multi clause sentences with lots of 'ing' verbs, so I do suggest re-reading to take care that each sentence is really a sentence and that its meaning is clear. As I say, this is partly punctuation, and partly phrasing.

I hope this helps, but do bear in mind that several feedbacks have said nothing but positive things, so don't take too much notice of the comments from a traditionally taught 65 year old.

Regards
Nigel

[AliceBarnes]

Thank you so much for reading and leaving a review, it is very kind of you. I know I have a lot to learn as a writer, so for you to leave a constructive review with things I could improve on is really helpful. It really isn't nerdy to want to be a good writer, I am very thankful you are because you have helped me to improve my writing. Thanks again for leaving such a detailed review, I know how much time it takes to find the lines you want to talk about and then review them so I am very grateful you took the time to do that.

[AYVID N]

A love story in an ancient Greek setting! Once more, the characterisation is great and I can relate with the characters closely. Very engrossing in its details and with fluid narration. I like the spirit of Aedia. She could be a girl from the 21st century. A very fine read indeed.

[AliceBarnes]

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I was hoping that she would not become annoying if she was constantly arguing with people, and being too spirited, but at the same time, I wanted her to know her own mind. Thanks again for such a lovely review!

[AYVID N]

Let her character gradually unfold. So she can be everything in small doses. You are welcome Alice, I look forward to the next chapter!

[genocide]

hi I like your style I write about gods and vampires and really love your sentence structure and grammer and how you have greek names

[AliceBarnes]

Thank you! I am glad you like my story. I would review your work in return and take a look but since it is rated as an 18, and I am currently 17 it will not let me view it. I really am sorry about that. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my first chapter though, I appreciate it.

[SweetNutmeg]

Oooh! Insulting Achilles! I wonder what THAT will lead to! I'm totally ignorant of Greek mythology and literature, so this will all be a surprise to me. I commend you for describing your characters in enough detail that even someone who has no knowledge of the myths can picture the different personalities and appearances. I look forward to seeing where this will go.

[AliceBarnes]

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Thanks for the feedback as well as taking the time to read my first chapter.

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This writing have style old ancient writing. feel realy so real. emotions make impact on reader. when I read it I feel I am in story. very poetic and romantic .

[AliceBarnes]

Thank you for taking the time to also review my book. I am glad you like it! I truly did love your poem, it really is very powerful, I was more than happy to review

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yes i realy like your writing too. if you write next chapter for sure i will give review again. Have nice day.

[AliceBarnes]

Aw, thank you! I hope you have a nice day as well

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Yes thank you . all seems very happy.