Il Dottore di Venice Act 1

Some of the jokes are in the characters names, there are translations at the bottom.

Setting:  (An empty square in the city-state of Venice.  All of the boats are empty, and there appears to be no one around except for a ragged beggar in a corner near an alley way.  The old man appears to be quite fetid and mabye a bit mad. Dr. Candido enters from left.  He looks left and right and strolls toward the beggar.  He is carrying a large bag and is dressed in typical Venician renaissance clothing.)

Candido:  Excuse me um...Sir?

Beggar:  Mr. Crosta, and you are? (the old man extends his hand)

Candido:  Dr. Candido.  (looks at Crosta's hand and then pushes it politely back into place.)  So, Mr. Crosta, where exactly is everyone?  Is there a festival going on?

Crosta:  (looking insulted)  Whats that supposed to mean?  What do you think just becuase this is Venice everyones having some kind of party!?  Thats stereotyping, that is.

Candido:  Actually-

Crosta:  Yeah becuase us Venitians run around with masks on our heads, galavanting around commiting all sorts of debauchery.  What do think goes on here any ways?  You think all we do is party, no work and all play huh.  Well I'll tell you what, this is the hardest working city in Italy it is.

Candido:  You're a BUM!

Crosta:  Oh! Oh!  So now it's that all bums are lazy is it, Well I'll have you know that is ridiculous I work very hard for my trash scraps, you sir are a bigot!

Candido:  Am not!  I'm simply using inductive reasoning.

Crosta:  Oh there you go with your elitist language, you think you're so smart don't you. Well I-

Candido:  Look, this isn't helping anything!  All I wanted to know was where the citizens are!

(Awkward silence falls after Candidos outburst.)

Crosta:  Oh, sorry about that.  Sometimes I get a little defensive.  They're all inside their homes.

Candido:  Why?

Crosta:  The Black Death.  (casualy)

Candido:  My God!  I've got to begin immediately, quick man where is the Dignita Manor?  They have hired me to treat their ailments but I am afraid I've come too late.

Crosta:  Which one?

Candido:  What do you mean which one?

Crosta:  Well Miguel Dignita, prince of Naples, merchant of the seas lives about twelve blocks that way.  But if you want Paulo Dignita, Duke of Florence, prince of Sicily, Knight of the order of-

Candido:  No, no it just says Dignita, see?  (He shows Crosta a note.)

Crosta:  No that says Digiuno, but I can't blame you this is terrible handwriting.

Candido:  So where is Digiuno manor then?

Crosta:  (starts laughing) Thats's a good one, right that way will take you to Digiuno manor.  (as he turns to point a black boil is visible on his neck.) 

Candido:  My God!  You have it!

Crosta:  Have what?

Candido:  The black death, Jesus doesn't that hurt?

Crosta:  Oh this?  (he points at it)  Thats the Black Death?  Really?  I thought it was supposed to be bad.

Candido: ...

Crosta:  I mean aside from the occasional bloody cough, I feel perfectly fine.  (Crosta falls flat on the pavement.)

Candido:  Holy!-...Gah...Nnnh...(Candido mumbles nervously as he heads towards the home of Diego Digiuno.)

 

 

Candido- naive

Crosta- scab

Dignito- dignity

Digiuno- without food, deprived.

 

Author's Note

I can see a little bit of a problem with the first section of dialogue in that it kind of jumps into Crosta yelling too fast. Mabye I should make him particularlly wise or polite at first for more of a contrast?

Reviews

[Scott Free]

Quite funny, very well done. Needs a bit of work but quite good.
Crosta seemed to me to be skipping between the British bum and the Italian bum. Yes, he should yell less. I liked him enough, but you could make him much funnier and a little less confusing by having him maintain a straight accent throughout.
Other than that, this was very nice! Reminded me of a joke on Shakespeare. =)