Stairs

Inspired by Roshan

Watch

watch me

watch me sing

      sing to the stars

      sing to here and far

      far away

      far away, beyond

    beyond these bars

    beyond noise and cars

      cars that drive

      cars that deprive

    deprive me

    deprive me of freedom

   f    r    e    e     d             o  m 

freedom to live

Reviews

[Neon]

Yeh .. not bad .. i loved the piece. It's an amazing poem. I loved the structure, this's a real talent of writing pieces .. keep on.

[Faffy]

i think i just fell down the stairs because i was so engrossed in this haha=) its very simple and brilliant in not sore about the stretched out "freedom" but could you explain it to me? but anyway loved the structure (but i always do dont i haha) great job AR!

-Roshan

[AleyshaRosa]

Thanks, Roshan =]

The stretched out freedom... Hm. Well, first of all it's stretched out because it represents being open, spacious as freedom is supposed to be.
Ascending the stairs, freedom is closer to being attained, so instead of ending the poem with simply the word, I wanted to visualize its meaning.
Also, the d, o and m line up, which I thought was interestingly coincidental.

[RachelReaper]

ohhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its a staircase, and then its called "stairs" and the words line up in their stairs and the picture is of stairs and the stairs lead somewhere, to freedom. Ohhhhhhh!!!!! I get it now! Awesome!

[AleyshaRosa]

Ahahahahahaa! You're awesome, Rachel!

Thanks =D

[NathanBlackie]

love how it's uplifting but going down.

[AleyshaRosa]

Right?!

Thanks for noticing =D

[B-poet]

Very unique and creative. I like where your coming from. Your poem is a eye catcher. The more you read it the more you're pulled into the overall theme of the entire text. Great job. :)

[AleyshaRosa]

So true

Thanks, BP =]

[Lina Grey]

love the format, very creative. I like the repitition too. Sing to your freedom, despite the stairs. Well done :)

[AleyshaRosa]

Thanks much, Lina
=]

[X]

I love this format. Did my poem "Monster" inspire the funky styling? ;) Great points to be made as well and I agree with the fact that some limits are indeed place by technology.

X

[AleyshaRosa]

Yes, actually. =] As well as another poem

Thanks, X

[X]

Aw forreal? Flattered. No problem

[AleyshaRosa]

Yes, for real =]

[Pax]

stairs that prevent us from flying is it?.... oh freedom wings give us wind to fly free to live free... away from the depriving harsh realities...

awesome format my friend...
great job...

[AleyshaRosa]

Mmm...

Thanks, Pax

[Pax]

ops typo.... now fixed... your welcome.

[AleyshaRosa]

Haha yeah, I was a touch confused, but decided to just go along with it =P

[Pax]

oh...sorry about that my mind gets puzzling sometimes...