Closing In

For years I’ve wondered as I wept,

What’s the use of things I’ve kept?

Dusty, broken, put away,

Is there a reason for the things I’ve saved?

 

Moments pass when I dance alone,

Thinking about the things I know,

Leaping bounds beyond my feet,

Is there a reason my heart still beats?

 

Sailing by the current's way,

Listless memories begin to fray,

But I turn my head in a righteous rage,

And watch the ashes turn to flame.

 

Harvest fruits of this tree,

Can no one tell what's left of me?

Living life in this endless cave,

Clawing away from the inevitable grave.

 

Watching a sunrise turn to dark,

I lament, have I left my mark?

Bits of life run through my hands,

Every moment a grain of sand.

 

Running alone for many miles,

Against this desert rain I smile,

For fresh beginnings keep me alive,

I know what's waiting when I arrive.

 

Oceans wash my restless limbs,

Fading out as the twilight dims,

I listen closely for one command,

In the silence, I reach for hands.

 

Glistening in my closing life,

A shining spark has yet to fight,

But I close my eyes and breath in peace,

Letting go for a sweet release.

Reviews

[TadKent]

Oh My Gosh. Aleyah, I don't even know what to say. No piece has ever left me like this.
"Sailing by the current's way,
Listless memories begin to fray." Fantastic. You use the water/ocean imagery to depict the "lost" feeling. Classic, and effective.
I also love when you say "Bites of life run through my hands."
So much depth and sorrow, mixed with one failing hope. I added this to my library, and I never do that.

[Kyla H]

Very good wording, this has a mystical ease to it yet it portrays such a deep and sensitive topic. Though, letting go may not seem as if it was the best option. This poem has me thinking about my life myself, very well done!

[Clay Feet]

So much of life you have captured in such a small amount of time and space. This is a beautifully written work. With all that has gone before, you end with a ray of hope for all to remember.

Excellent work of art!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

This is the first time I have read any of your work and I want more. This flows smooth as silk and the rhyming is fantastic. What a message you leave for us........

[deedeekm]

I love the wild abandon of this piece - glistening and shining and letting go and running against desert rain - just makes me smile :)

PS Love your taste in music as well!

[JohnTheSavage]

Quite impressive. Many lines left me with a clear image and were able to convey their emotion perfectly. There are two in particular that linger in my head.
"Clawing away from the inevitable grave" and "Bits of of life run through my hands"
They're very vivid lines that accomplish their purposes spot on.
Good work.

[☯]

Wow, I've got to say, it's so compelling and an amazing read. I've felt the current of the ocean as I read and the wind, as if I were outside myself thinking of life.
"Bits of life run through my hands,
Every moment a grain of sand."
Amazing simile. I can't describe how honest and heartfelt this poem is and the way it flowed so nicely. One of your best writes I've read. Stunning job. :)

[lovepoet]

Enjoyed your flow and rhyme, particularly your use of perfect rhyming couplets followed by almost rhyming ones and you switch out the pattern in the final stanza after we have been lulled into the rhythm - Fantastic!

"Glistening in my closing life,
A shining spark has yet to fight"

An exquisite image, I really enjoyed this.

[CoconutSprinkles08]

I think, this is one of the best poems I've ever read where I can really relate. The image of the ocean at sunset was PERFECT; it adds a huge new level to the figurative meaning, and the images were so deep and crystal clear! The rhythm and rhymes are fantastic! I completely relate to this feeling of "Why do I exist?" "Have I accomplished anything? Will I ever?" Going straight into my favorites.

It's really hard to pick my favorite line(they're all so wonderful!), but I really love these ones:
Listless memories begin to fray,
But I turn my head in a righteous rage,
And watch the ashes turn to flame.

[London]

pure raw emotion.

But I close my eyes and breath in peace,

Letting go for a sweet release.

Great lines

[Lily Mae]

This is such a heartfelt write.. You penned your emotions perfectly here.. I love it..xx