Closing In

For years I’ve wondered as I wept,

What’s the use of things I’ve kept?

Dusty, broken, put away,

Is there a reason for the things I’ve saved?

 

Moments pass when I dance alone,

Thinking about the things I know,

Leaping bounds beyond my feet,

Is there a reason my heart still beats?

 

Sailing by the current's way,

Listless memories begin to fray,

But I turn my head in a righteous rage,

And watch the ashes turn to flame.

 

Harvest fruits of this tree,

Can no one tell what's left of me?

Living life in this endless cave,

Clawing away from the inevitable grave.

 

Watching a sunrise turn to dark,

I lament, have I left my mark?

Bits of life run through my hands,

Every moment a grain of sand.

 

Running alone for many miles,

Against this desert rain I smile,

For fresh beginnings keep me alive,

I know what's waiting when I arrive.

 

Oceans wash my restless limbs,

Fading out as the twilight dims,

I listen closely for one command,

In the silence, I reach for hands.

 

Glistening in my closing life,

A shining spark has yet to fight,

But I close my eyes and breath in peace,

Letting go for a sweet release.

Reviews

[TadKent]

Oh My Gosh. Aleyah, I don't even know what to say. No piece has ever left me like this.
"Sailing by the current's way,
Listless memories begin to fray." Fantastic. You use the water/ocean imagery to depict the "lost" feeling. Classic, and effective.
I also love when you say "Bites of life run through my hands."
So much depth and sorrow, mixed with one failing hope. I added this to my library, and I never do that.

[Judas Hammer]

top notch write. I love the tempo and the way you manipulated the rhyming pattern without sacrificing the visual. You did a great job

[iron_rose]

Very nice rhymes! Excellent, actually. I'm big on rhymes, i really believe that a poet is more creative when he/she can effectively relay her message, sketch up pictures with words, and on top of it, color em up with rhymes! Nice transition of emotions, a subtle start, very aggressive and dramatic body, and a sweet peaceful ending! too bad there's no "Like" button here. Can't believe you're just 16. :)

[nicolo]

You deserve a place in World Literature.

[Chris]

Impressive. You have a very interested language. Unique and somehow I have trouble describing it, but I do see it in your poems.

I'd love to see you write more poetry. You are very good :)

[Vinod Kumar U K]

Nicely constructed great poem good flow of reading...

[Amit Parmessur]

Impressive piece Aleyah. Very good one.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This is wonderful work... I am not the biggest on rhyming poetry but this one is really full of deep personal emotions and human vulnerability.

Harvest fruits of this tree,
Can no one tell what's left of me?
Living life in this endless cave,
Clawing away from the inevitable grave.

My favorite verse.

[OT]

oh how nice! very well written - the rhyme is consistent and perfect here - the couplets are well executed - also liked the use of half-rhymes too - but particularly that the rhymes were rather natural so you can just read the poem as opposed to notice the rhyme which gives it a nice beat as you go along - "oceans wash my restless limbs, fading out as the twilight dims" - some great descriptives too! nice!

[hannahjchin]

this is really really a great poem, very moving :)

[Sherwette]

I love the way you make it switch from gloomy to mystical. Letting go release us but it's sometime easier said than done.