Closing In

For years I’ve wondered as I wept,

What’s the use of things I’ve kept?

Dusty, broken, put away,

Is there a reason for the things I’ve saved?

 

Moments pass when I dance alone,

Thinking about the things I know,

Leaping bounds beyond my feet,

Is there a reason my heart still beats?

 

Sailing by the current's way,

Listless memories begin to fray,

But I turn my head in a righteous rage,

And watch the ashes turn to flame.

 

Harvest fruits of this tree,

Can no one tell what's left of me?

Living life in this endless cave,

Clawing away from the inevitable grave.

 

Watching a sunrise turn to dark,

I lament, have I left my mark?

Bits of life run through my hands,

Every moment a grain of sand.

 

Running alone for many miles,

Against this desert rain I smile,

For fresh beginnings keep me alive,

I know what's waiting when I arrive.

 

Oceans wash my restless limbs,

Fading out as the twilight dims,

I listen closely for one command,

In the silence, I reach for hands.

 

Glistening in my closing life,

A shining spark has yet to fight,

But I close my eyes and breath in peace,

Letting go for a sweet release.

Reviews

[TadKent]

Oh My Gosh. Aleyah, I don't even know what to say. No piece has ever left me like this.
"Sailing by the current's way,
Listless memories begin to fray." Fantastic. You use the water/ocean imagery to depict the "lost" feeling. Classic, and effective.
I also love when you say "Bites of life run through my hands."
So much depth and sorrow, mixed with one failing hope. I added this to my library, and I never do that.

[-Scribe in Style-]

Amazing!! Honestly, the image brought out from this poem is so true and what you have described i can really relate to. The questions asked most definitely cross a person's mind at least once in their lifetime. I love the rhyme and imagery that you have used. It really is quite precise.
Verse 1 and 5 left a really deep impression, almost taking the words out of my mouth. And the last verse gives an almost perfect end. Its a sweet release that follows after so much bitterness..
Great Work!

[00000000000000000000000..]

That was very beautiful and love your style here everything fits perfect:)

[Wórdsmíth]

That's amazin' write

[Just Jayren]

This is brilliant, your use of nature to cature a story.... And the way you reflect on human emotions well is utterly mesmorising, really good piece here

[wijdan]

its really amazing
the way you wrote it ..
i love reading it

[Alexis]

I'm truly stunned. This poem is really amazing. And I mean that. :)
You depict all of the emotions perfectly.
I'm just really speechless. You did such a wonderful job! Your rhymes seemed effortless and it just flowed really well.
*applause*

[Cheng Yew,Chew]

peace and the dawn of graciouss life.

[Radad Ibn Nasir]

Only a sweet release can be preceded by the torment of the self. But the way you tell it sounds much much better.

[Antonio Valentino]

first of all your rhyming was spot on, which isn't easy to do, I know, even though i dont write much rhyme anymore... also, many great stanzas:

Moments pass when I dance alone,
Thinking about the things I know,
Leaping bounds beyond my feet,
Is there a reason my heart still beats?

Watching a sunrise turn to dark,
I lament, have I left my mark?
Bits of life run through my hands,
Every moment a grain of sand.

Oceans wash my restless limbs,
Fading out as the twilight dims,
I listen closely for one command,
In the silence, I reach for hands.

Very, very nice.
Antonio

[Jackson_Yang]

Hmm, I guess it depends on how you decide to take this writing. To me, there is always a reason inside to hold onto everything that we choose to keep. There are those moments where we just need that smile in our lives again and its those dusty, old keepsakes that bring back our happiness.