Bound

My longing heart pulses,

bound by your iridescent glow,

Counting your quickening footsteps,

I watch you come and go.

 

You cannot see me slipping

I’m falling off the edge,

Just waiting for your hand,

To pull me up again.

 You’re melting in my hands,

Like cold and numbing ice

Coquette and unsuspicious,

I know this won’t suffice.

 

Days have passed and nights have gone,

And I’m waiting just for you,

But you remain so far away,

What else can I do?

Oceans of eyes look past me,

Everyone’s but yours,

Not once have you glanced my way,

Leaving me wanting more.

 

Lost in fields of dreams,

Stuck inside the glass,

Sitting, hoping, wishing,

Waiting for you to pass.

So captivated by your presence,

Dreaming to get inside,

Don’t you hear me calling out?

A way in I've yet to find.

 

I'm wavering....frail and fragile,

I’ve almost given up,

But I’m roped in and enchanted,

Longing for your touch.

 

 

Author's Note

Grrr. I know this is rough....*sighs*....One day, I will produce a really, nice, fluid poem. I promise. :)

Reviews

[Winters_Lost_Walk]

Beautifully-written and very flowing poem!!! I know how it feels though, I went through it aswell, especially the part where you say:

"Days have passed and nights have gone,
And I’m waiting just for you,
But you remain so far away,
What else can I do?
Oceans of eyes look past me,
Everyone’s but yours,
Not once have you glanced my way,
Leaving me wanting more."

I know how it feels, the worse they make you feel, the more you want them and need them to look at you, just one simple look, and everything will be ok.

LOVED reading this one!!!!!! =D

[Another Relic]

I could almost see rain cascading down the glass as you waited for your object of affection to pass. You've given us a piece of your soul and done so with a poetic hand. We can feel the yearning with every stanza, your heart incapable of being subdued. Great poem Aleyah.

[nostal]

Not rough at all.

[Miss Marie Riorden.]

I don't really think it's rough. It flows quite well enough. Nice rhyming pattern and the emotions are portrayed vivdly.
You cannot see me slipping

I’m falling off the edge,

Just waiting for your hand,

To pull me up again.

Just shows, right here. You have hope for another to come by. To rescue you.
It's a really nice write. I don't think anything needs to be changed

-Marie- (:

[Tasha]

This was written beautifully and I loved the flow.
♥ Ta'Shandra

[Sidewalk Observer]

While it may not be as fluid as you would like, it is a wonderful and intreaging piece to say the least. I love how vague the tone is. The way you have writen this poem leaves the reader an open chance to interpret the content in so many different ways. I personaly felt it displayed a fantastic image of entrapment of oneself; a transparent prison made of self-inflicted pain and resistance. Something is there, but it is unattainable, making the longing for it grow ever stronger. Again, it is a fantastic piece and I encourage you to continue writing work like this, whether you find problem in it or not. Everyone is their own worst critic :)

[InnerSpirit]

It is the goal that makes this piece a work of art.

We have all been there... We all will one day be there again, even at the end of our days.

I am glad you sent this one. It is not as bad as you make it out to be, don't be so tough on yourself... really it's potential is worthy of praise.

Have a great day!

P.S. After you have played with it abit,(according to your expectations) You should consider entering this poem in contest love or darksecrets on Poetic Infusion Society's site!

[Akoka Folami]

You say even the deepest things I experience... even the things I cannot put words to! You are an excellent writer!

[☯]

Actually, it's not rough at all. It flows well, and you kept a beat in tune. I really enjoyed reading this and the way you portrayed longing and desire matches perfectly. I especially liked the first two lines. Great write :)