Undone

Kind of inspired by "Fix You" by Coldplay

Just tell me what is going to be

When the light is out and you’re done with me

When all is quiet, but I’m filled with rage,

When I’m longing for you, but you refuse to stay.

 

My blinded eyes, I’m stuck in reverse

You’ve given me the saddest curse

You’re high up above, but I’m down below

I’m chasing you, please don’t go.

You got what you want, but you never did say

What caused you to walk away.

 

Tears streaming down my face

I look to myself, do I have a place?

You loved me, I can’t let you go

You’re the flame that caused my heart to glow.

 

 Push the blade in once again,

I need the pain to feel the end.

Filthy shadows chase me home,

I can’t reach out, I’m all alone.

 

Tearing my heart into pieces,

Becoming lighter as the pain releases.

I walked along my broken path,

I'm falling out, I'm living past

 

Holding onto every shred,

That’s haunting me inside my head

Playing all these different games,

To make peace with my blackened shame.

 

Sinking deep inside my loss,

Regretting I didn’t count the cost.

I can’t let go, but you won’t hold on

I’m breathing you in, but you’re already gone.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Possibly still a tad rough...I'm kind of writing doozies lately, so, this is what I have.. :)

Reviews

[Eli]

I like it; it's really good ;) I agree that it's probably a tad rough, and I would say to watch out for lines that your trying to rhyme, but in order to do so you had to kind of chop the flow. For example:

"Falling out, living past
These moments that strain my soul"

You tried to rhyme past with the last line, but in doing so you slightly interrupted the flow leading to the next line. But other than this I think you did a great job iwth it :)

[.......]

A little sad, but expressed so well.

[Raymond]

Content is depressing :) but probably very true...I swear I'm gonna write a book entitled "Young ladies he's lying about loving you....and here's how to tell"...I agree with Eli, as you stated, it gets a little choppy (i cheat by counting syllables when I write)...but it has a lot of promise...I prefer reading things that say "I drink OJ like its my job"....ah buts its been a long time since my heart was broke.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

i enjoyed reading it as well, truly a work of art

[ब्र&#..]

i absolutely love this!
alltid
-Meja!

[Lily Mae]

I love it ..perfect:) x