Deceived

Deceived

A Poem by Aleyah

My sinking horizon

Collapsed on the ground,

When the light of your sun

Slowly burned me down

To black, wispy ashes

That dance in the wind,

Trying to find

Their way back again.

Tell me why you broke,

Beneath my delicate hands,

I wasn’t strong enough,

I don’t understand

 

Dark, dismal corners,

In my mind filled with shadows,

You took everything in me,

That used to have a glow.

Slide your hands,

Slowly down my face,

Wipe off my tears,

My shining eyes you trace,

With your deceiving whispers,

Telling me to stay,

When all you wanted,

Was to take me away.

 

Paint me a picture,

When I saw right through,

All your lies and deceit,

When I actually had a clue.

You scarred me then left me,

So scared and unable,

You pushed me down,

My soul is in shambles.

 

Desperately you followed me,

when I left you behind,

In the darkness you created,

In the back of my mind.

I gave you my heart,

Then I was your slave,

You threw me in the ocean,

I died in the waves.

 

© 2011 Aleyah


Author's Note

Aleyah
This is mostly a double sided poem, with two different viewpoints from one person. I think it's lacking some fluidity....

My Review

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Featured Review

First: You're being too hard in your note. The poem was great. I had several "fav" lines here: Black whispy ashes...I'll be your ghost...well on and on. I only came here cuz I saw a review you did that killed me...then I read your profile which was genius...and now I find a great poem...ok, gonna go read more...hey your 14 hours ahead of me, can you tell me what happens tomorrow? Thanks LOL

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

First: You're being too hard in your note. The poem was great. I had several "fav" lines here: Black whispy ashes...I'll be your ghost...well on and on. I only came here cuz I saw a review you did that killed me...then I read your profile which was genius...and now I find a great poem...ok, gonna go read more...hey your 14 hours ahead of me, can you tell me what happens tomorrow? Thanks LOL

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a really good poem Aleyah. I think your right about the fluidity though. I suppose a thesaurus could help some. It does for me. There may be some present and past tense issues as well. But overall, I like it and I think it has really good potential after some revision.

Posted 13 Years Ago



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1127 Views
23 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on April 23, 2011
Last Updated on October 15, 2011
Tags: Haunted, scarred, lost, confused

Author

Aleyah
Aleyah

Somewhere Only I know , NM



About
My name's Aleyah :) I adore world culture and diversity, I can't stand moths and egg salad I drink orange juice like its my job! I hardcore want to travel the world some day ♥ Films, cin.. more..

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Ambivalence Ambivalence

A Poem by Aleyah



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